SUNDAY SMILES - "RAINDROPS KEEP FALLIN ON MY HEAD"

Inclement weather got you down?  

Too many rainy days in a row?

Check this out:

"A raindrop falls with enough force to kill a mosquito…(however)…when a mosquito is hit by a raindrop while flying, the insect typically does not try to resist the force of the raindrop and will instead ride the raindrop until being able to resume flying - usually unharmed…"

read more

What do ya say?

Think there might be some kind of lesson here?

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CAN YOU UNLOCK A HABIT?

Habits can be productive - gym, good eating, sleep schedule, studying - or destructive.  

Interestingly, any habit, whether it is healthy or destructive, creates a comfort zone for us - it is a behavior that we put on auto pilot.  It takes up time and space and creates structure in our lives.

In order to change we need a good reason that makes a strong argument - for us!  We also have to be ready to accept the disruption and emptiness that comes with the process of change.

The old belief of overlaying a new habit on top of an old one does not seem to work for humans. 

To make a successful change, we need to first let go of the old habit and create an empty space that the new one can then fill.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

THE KEY TO UNLOCKING HABITS

First recognize that a habit is by definition a learned behavior that through repetition has created a strong neurological pathway - give yourself credit for taking the challenge of unlocking and erasing an established pattern!   If you expect it to be easy and free of pitfalls you are setting yourself up for failure - expect a demanding and intriguing path. 

Remember that habits create comfort - good and bad alike - when we remove the habit we create uneasiness at first.  The old comfort is gone and it takes awhile before new pathways are strongly imbedded.  Give yourself lots of cheerleading and support.

Remember also that transitions are difficult for humans.  We tend to take one step forward and a good few backwards as we go through this process.  Acknowledge the difficulty and hang in there.

Identify several very strong and valid reasons for making a change.  Not someone else's reasons - yours!  You need to have these reasons as anchors to help you through the process.

Expect and be ready for anger - from you!  This is called resistance and probably will come in the form of that Bully/Victim/Rebel triangle.  You know, your internal Bully voice scolding you about whatever it is you are trying to change, your answering internal Victim voice whining and claiming incompetence, and the Rebel in your raising that famous middle finger… When this dynamic starts, exaggerate it to the point of silliness and it will have no power to stop you!

Learn to tolerate emptiness - it is part of change.  Breathe into the empty spaces and pretend you are a renowned meditation master…

Celebrate change - allow yourself to experience the freedom that comes with release from a negative habit!

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

YUCK! I'M STUCK!

"Look, I really do keep trying to change!" 

This guy was making a major effort to convince me - and himself...  

"Seriously," he continued, "I work at it - and for what?"

"Yeah, maybe I manage to do something different for awhile, but then, slowly, inexorably, that old behavior comes creeping back… and there I am, playing that same old song…"

Know what he was talking about?

I bet you've felt this yourself a time or two, right?

What 'bad' habit were you trying to change?

What do ya say?

Ever wonder why they keep coming back?

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DEALING WITH 'GIMMIE-MEISTERS'

How is it possible to be a world class annoyingly difficult person and not know it?  

And even more to the point how is it that these people get away with it time and time again?

These difficult people seem to have a knack for surrounding themselves with others they can manipulate - especially those whose responsibility and guilt buttons are easily pushed…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

4 STEPS TO UN-HOOK FROM THE 'GIMMIE-MEISTERS'

*How are they hooking you in?  Do they say or do something - or even make promises - that make you feel obligated?

*Ask yourself what your 'button' is.  This might be an overdeveloped sense of responsibility - are you trying to save the world?  Think you can?

*What gets triggered in you when they push your buttons?  Guilt, maybe?  Do you have it better than they do?

*What keeps you in 'the game'?  Do you feel righteous?  Needed?  Smarter than they are?  

These 'secondary gains' can trip us up.  If we are not aware of them, we lose our ability to make choices!

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

GIMME GIMME GIMME

"He's demanding, loud, schedules meetings at the last minute, messes up everyone else's schedule…  He's stingy but thinks he's generous.  He's bossy and controlling but thinks he's a team player…  He wants what he wants when he wants it and to hell with anyone else's needs - unless their needs happen to coincide with his agenda of the moment…" 

"Can an intelligent person really be so out of touch!"  

The guy who was talking gritted his teeth and shook his head.  "Actually, I might hate him…"

This particular refrain comes in many forms.  Here's another one:

"Can you believe she did that," this woman asked in an incredulous tone, "and thinks she's right and I'm wrong!"  "All my friends say I should cream her!" 

"Gimme, gimme, gimme, it is so annoying!  I mean I could tolerate it if she had a clue… but she is not at all aware of what she's doing…"

What they're talking about - okay, ranting about - are those people who hit and run, thinking they're on the side of the angels, while they create chaos for everyone around them - and then bemoan the fact that their lives are so hard!

What do ya say?

Got any of these characters in your life?  

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SUNDAY SMILES - SO SUE ME!

Dealing with an elderly parent or grandparent and struggling with the reversal of roles? 

It can certainly be challenging, calling for compassion, letting go of old grudges, accepting limitations, cultivating patience …  

One country seems to have this one nicely nailed down.  Check it out:

"China recently passed a law allowing elderly parents to sue their children for not visiting them enough.(!)

In 2010, China became the first country to pass national legislation legally obligating adult children to visit their elderly parents.  

There are no set parameters for how often children must visit, but parents in China who do not feel sufficiently cared for have legal grounds to sue their adult children…"

read more

Hmmm... Needing to legally force children to visit their parents... Is this telling us something, or what?  

What do ya say?  Love to hear your thoughts on this one!

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WANT TO KEEP HOLDING THAT GRUDGE?

Here are two interesting thoughts about holding grudges, two different sides of the story:

"Grudges must feel satisfying in some way; if they didn’t, we might not be as likely to hold on to them for so long …"  read more

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”  Anne Lanott - Traveling Mercies:Some Thoughts on Faith
                     

So what is the story on this one?  

Who has the heaviest burden, the 'grudger' or the 'grudgee'? 

And how often does the recipient of the grudge even know they are the target of this emotional vendetta?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

HOLDING A GRUDGE?  CHECK IT OUT:

Let's have some fun with this one…

Who are you holding a grudge about? 

More than one person? 

Make a list. 

Do you see any common threads in the content of your grudges?  The types of people you are holding grudges against?

Imagine, just for a minute, that you might actually be enjoying the process of holding on… How could that be?  Is it possible that you feel powerful in this position? (Just a thought…)

Now imagine that you could say anything you want to your 'grudgee' (fantasy, folks, you can really push it!)  Get into it and exaggerate - you'll know you have really stretched this one if you start laughing…

And finally decide - totally your choice - if you want to continue to carry this particular load or let it go?

Remember choice is the operative word on this one - Hey if you want to keep carrying the weight no one has the right to take it away from you, right?

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SOCIAL MEDIA MISHAP?

"So this guy I once dated," she began the story, "this guy who said I ruined his life forever and never wanted to talk to me again…"

"So this very same guy," she continued shaking her head, "just sent me a request to join his LinkedIn network…"

"What's up with that?"

"Do you think," she wanted to know, "I should be happy - relieved that I'm finally off his s#@t list, or is it that in the giant world of social media he doesn't even realize it's me?"

What do ya say?

How long do you hold a grudge… and what excuse do you need to let go?

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DREAMWORK 102

Like most aspects of human behavior, there are nearly as many theories about the nature of dreams as there are dreamers…

So, since we have a choice about how to understand our dreams, why not choose the most useful and pragmatic approach?

We can view our dreams as extensions of our daytime selves - as extra goodies in our tool chest of understanding ourselves and our own reactions to the world around us.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

USING YOUR DREAMS

We can think of dreams as short hand text messages to our daytime selves.

Just like a text message uses coded abbreviations to get the point across quickly, so our dreams give us fragments loaded with useful information.

DECODING

*Keep a writing instrument near your bed and jot down your dream or fragment of a dream even if it sounds like nonsense.

* Add whatever you are feeling in the moment you are writing the dream.

* Check out all your sensory clues - taste, smell, colors, sounds - jot down whatever comes to mind.

*Try 'acting out' the images that show up in your dream.  Let these images have a 'voice'.

For example:

You dream about a large shoe… 

Imagine you are the shoe and talk as the shoe - 

"I'm a large shoe and …"  (fill in the blank with whatever images, thoughts, silliness come to your mind.)  

For instance you might say: 

"I'm a large shoe and I like to stomp around…"  (What does this tell you?  Do you need more activity in your life?  Are you feeling angry?) 

Or you might say:  

"I'm a large shoe and I don't fit anyone's foot." (What might this be telling you?  Are you feeling left out? Lonely?)

You get the idea.

All of these little fragments can clarify what you are feeling and dealing with in the moment.  

Your dreams give you information about yesterday's events, today's hopes, unfinished business and feelings that aren't resolved. 

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com