Of course, you can set personal boundaries and you can say 'no' or 'yes'.
You can step backwards or forward.
Yes, you do have control - over YOUR own behavior - and the sooner you see this one for what it is the better!
It's crucial not to get stuck in that slurpy quicksand of thinking it's all about you - way too much distorted power!
DANCE WITH IT! EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…
Think about a time in your childhood when someone else's behavior caused you pain and you got the 3rd degree about your role.
Did you hear things like:
"You must have done something to cause it! What did you do?!"
Even though you weren't the 'perp' somehow the message was that it was your fault…
Now, think about a recent time when something happened that felt bad to you and you used that same scolding parental voice on yourself, asking, "What did I do?! I must have done something to cause this?"
Now, re-imagine both events - past and present - and this time create a new voice.
It might say something like: "Ugh! Sorry that happened to you! I know it felt awful - but you didn't do it!"
How does this replay feel?