Wednesday, September 20, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHERE ARE YOU PUTTING IT?

Why do we berate ourselves after something goes wrong?

Really, if you think about it, this behavior is totally counterintuitive.  You're already hurting and so…you pile on?

Obviously, this is learned behavior. 

Remember those childhood 'How could you's'?  And how about that 'This is for your own good'?

We inhale these words without understanding the long term impact, and years later use them on ourselves!

Anger is a natural human emotion - turning it inward is not!


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CHECK IT OUT!
The next time you feel down try this:
1)  Ask yourself if something specific happened that you're upset about?
2)  Objectively describe what actually happened.
3)  How did you feel?
4)  Did you let yourself feel angry?
5)  How did you deal with your anger? 




Tuesday, September 19, 2017

AFTER THE FACT…

'What is wrong with me?'

'I should have known better!'
'How could I let that happen?'
'I didn't say 'NO!' loud enough!'
'I knew it was wrong but…'


These are the words of our Inner Bullys.

Whatever went wrong in the first place was bad enough but these self defeating mantras are always the final straw.

What do ya say?
Sound at all familiar?

Think it helps?

Friday, September 15, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MAKING BELIEVE?

Somehow we get fed a bunch of distortions about the nature of humans and human families is particular.

Happy People
Happy Families
Happy endings

Nice stories but they have a tendency to blind us to reality and set us up for so much disappointment and 'reality crashes'!

When we buy into these stories it's like wearing blinders to what is actually in front of us…until the moment we fall into that rabbit hole and have no choice!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

REALITY -WHAT A CONCEPT!

Repeat after me:
Humans are not perfect - and that's reality!
Most of us have been strongly impacted by our history - and that's reality!
If we believe in the 'should' of perfection we often miss what is actually going on around us - AND THAT IS REALITY!



Thursday, September 14, 2017

CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER

"Sometimes," she shook her head and sighed, "I feel like Alice with my eyes bugging out, thinking 'Whoa!' did I just drop into that rabbit hole…" https://www.cs.cmu.edu/~rgs/alice-II.html

"I know people say that whole story was a drug trip but," she continued, shaking her head, "to me it feels more like shock therapy!"

"I mean, "she exclaimed," are these people for real?"

(P.S. She was talking about her family?)



What do ya say?
Ever feel that way?



Wednesday, September 13, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - RE-CONNECTING

Athletes get it.
Students usually get it.

If you have a desired goal you have to stay focused not just on that end result but more critically on each step along the way.

Here's a super clear example:  Want to lose 10 pounds?

Are you focusing on that end goal or on the food in your hand aiming towards your mouth?


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

4  STEPS TO MAINTAIN THE CONNECTION:

1) Visualize your goal, what you need to do to get there and why you want it.
2) Ask yourself: Is what I am doing right now helping me achieve my goal?
3) Remind yourself why you want to achieve this goal.
4) Push 'refresh' on your internal computer and take yourself back to step1.







Tuesday, September 12, 2017

CONSEQUENCES AND CONNECTIONS

It's not about bullying…
Not about scolding…
But

We often don't stay connected to the actions necessary to reach our stated goals.


We often seem to dis-connect the chain between what we're doing now and what we want then!


What do ya say?

Can you get this?




Friday, September 8, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MANAGING THE UPSHOT!

How do we deal with the lack of rewards - or at least the rewards we expected - when we try our hardest to make things happen?

How can we avoid feeling angry and depressed when we work so hard and don't feel the ends justify the effort?

Some place along the line, home? school? we got sold a bill of goods about what the rewards should be…

Ever hear of managing your expectations?
It doesn't really mean expecting less… it really means expecting different!


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THREE HEALTHY SHIFTS
1)  Be realistic and manage your expectations and goals!
2)  Watch out for the lurking bullies - internal and external!
3)  Be your own best friend - focus on self encouragement, and appreciation!








Thursday, September 7, 2017

ENERGY IN EQUALS…WHAT?

"So isn't there some sort of formula that says 'energy in = commensurate results?' she demanded. 

"Lies!"

"And how about the one that says 'you reap what you sow'?"she continued.

"More lies!"  She was almost growling at this point…

"I mean," she continued," I have been working so hard on all my stuff - health, work, relationships - and what do I have?"

 What do ya say?

How do deal when your input and out put don't balance?





Tuesday, September 5, 2017

PANNING FOR GOLD

Way back in the 1800's they struck gold in California.
The stories are pretty amazing. read more

The lore of that shiny metal was incredible.  Despite hardship and many disappointments people continued to strive for the jackpot…

So how does this apply to us and our striving to evolve and hit those emotional prizes?


In a similar vein (sorry!) we can look at our lives as an exploration, a search for emotional gold (well being, self acceptance, forward momentum). 

We can remind ourselves that the process can be challenging, we will most likely run into snags, hit walls and feel that we are losing ground…

What do ya say?

How do you keep the momentum going despite the blunders, missteps and falls?


Friday, September 1, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - STUCK?

Obsessing is like a needle stuck on an old fashioned record player…
Imagine that sound.  That is the sound of obsessing…

It's like poking a sore tooth…
Imagine that sensation.  That is the feeling of obsessing…

It's like one step forward, one step back, repeat and repeat…
That is the kinesthetic rhythm of obsessing…

Although we sometimes confuse them, obsessing is very different from focusing and fixing!


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

FORWARD MOMENTUM IS THE KEY TO 'FIXING' PROBLEMS… EVEN IF IT'S MEASURED IN INCHES!

Try this:  Think about a situation where you feel stuck. 

Describe it to yourself.  Who are the players?  What do they look like?  How do they sound?  This is the old, maybe original, story…

Now, change it.  Remember this is an experiment.  Your goal is to create momentum in your story…

To do this use your creativity and imagination.  This is meant as an interesting and fun experiment.  
If it does not feel comfortable to you:  Stop now. 

You can imagine changing the time period, the clothes, the sound of the voices, the size of the 'actors'. 

What you are doing is shaking up the stuck place so that your wonderful mind can move on and heal the problem! 

Try it and see what happens.








Thursday, August 31, 2017

OBSESS MUCH?

"I keep going over it," she said, "again and again.  You know, I'm trying to figure it out, see if I can…well...fix it?"

Definition of Obsession:  'An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind."

"But is it really bad?" she asked me.


"I mean, if I don't think about it, how can I make sure it doesn't happen again?"

What do ya say?
Ever get caught in this one?



Wednesday, August 30, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IS IT REAL?

For the most part we are pretty good at picking up evidence that something is going on in our environment…

We often do notice the alterations in the behavior of those around us that signify emotional shifts.  After all, our species would not have survived as well without recognizing these clues that often signified danger.

However, interpretation of these clues is another matter all together!

While perception is usually a sensory reaction, interpretation of what we identify is mostly taught.  We learn what these clues mean - and often our learning - based in part on our past experiences - is faulty!



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

REALITY CHECK

Think about some recent instances when you felt that something was off…
Did you accept your perception as real or did you question yourself?

If you thought you were correct about your perception, how did you interpret (i.e. explain) what you were picking up?

Did you wonder whether their behavior might have nothing to do with you?

Did you check out your interpretation?
If you re-think things now what other interpretations might there have been?






Tuesday, August 29, 2017

THEY DON'T LIKE ME…

"I feel like people are judging me all the time," he moaned,"and it's never complimentary!"


And then he proceeded to give me a list of all the instances he could think of that proved what he was saying was true.

He was picking up on things…
But…


His interpretation of these 'clues' was always the same - negative.

What do ya say?

Do you understand the difference between perception and interpretation?   

Friday, August 25, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IS IT ALL RANDOM, OR WHAT?

Does it really matter?
Maybe a good strategy is to do our best and then deal with whatever consequences show up?

Maybe the path is about learning.  Maybe as we deal we just keep getting better and stronger - evolving and in that process healing ourselves and our world.

Sound too touchy feely?
Think about it…
What's the alternative?

DANCE WITH IT!  EXPERIENTIAL APPS                      An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TAKE A MINUTE TO FOCUS ON SOME OF THE 'CHALLENGING' THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU THIS PAST YEAR.

Make a list.  How did you react?  
Did you judge yourself and others?

Now try re-thinking those events without the negative judgments…





Thursday, August 24, 2017

SO, WHERE IS IT?

"So," he demanded, and yes, it was an emphatic demand.
"If I give up believing that if I follow all those rules I grew up with everything will come my way…"

"THEN WHAT!?"

It's a good question, right?  

We grow up being told that if we're good, good things will inevitably happen to us…

If we follow all the rules, we will be rewarded…
THERE IS A POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THAT RAINBOW…
Isn't there?


What do ya say?
Can you figure this one out?



Wednesday, August 23, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - FUZZY THINKING

'The world is linear' you say…
It is not!

'Equations work in human interactions' you say…
They do not!

'Your behavior has to do with me' you say…
It does not!

Do you see the direction here?

Somehow - actually for a lot of reasons - we learn a twisted logic to explain how the world of human connections works.

Why do we continue to push these beliefs when they clearly don't work and cause us suffering?

Maybe because we wish they worked?

Maybe the desire to have complete control over our lives and the behavior of others is so strong that we have a difficult time giving up these illusions even when they so clearly lead us down dark and painful paths!


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

MAKE A LIST OF YOUR OWN EQUATIONS…

These are the 'If I do x, then y will inevitably occur' beliefs.
How often have these beliefs panned out?
What will it take for you to let them go?








Tuesday, August 22, 2017

FAIR, SCHMERE…

"IT'S NOT FAIR!"  "IT'S NOT FAIR!"
Ever say this one?
No?

Liar, liar, pants on fire! If you're human, you've said it!


Ever think about how crazy this is?

Ever wonder who decides?


What do ya say?

Who taught you this one?


Friday, August 18, 2017

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TIKKUN OLAM


Nothing says it as beautifully as this:


When we reach out and help others - and when we accept help - we are participants in the process of healing the world.

Could anything be more important, more sacred, than this?



Thursday, August 17, 2017

EXCUSE ME…CAN I HELP YOU?

The man obviously needed help.
He was handicapped, in pain and depressed.

"My niece offered to come and help me," he said.

"Oh, that's great!" I replied.  "When is she coming?"

"She's not!" he replied emphatically.
"I told her not to come.  I really don't like asking people for help!"

Yikes!  A really painful example of our distorted belief in the high value of self sufficiency!



So, I told him a story…





It was winter and I was crossing the heavily snow laden street very cautiously. 

An elderly gentleman approached me.
"May I help you across?" he asked, offering me his arm.

After we safely reached the other side of the street his face lit up as he wished me a good day.

What do ya say?

Which of us do you think benefited most?