Wednesday, August 31, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TALKIN' DOWN?

We squeal and gurgle and baby talk - probably appropriately - to our babies and puppies…

And they tend to respond in kind.

And therein lies what appears to be at the heart of this speech pattern.

We perceive and enjoy the connection that seems to occur. http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-purpose-of-baby-talk/

Okay.  Makes sense.
But…

Once a child is past a certain age it's no longer about connection, but rather perhaps a form of diminishment.  We seem to be telegraphing a message:
"I'm in charge.  You're not!"

And what are we saying when we use that similar pattern with the elderly? 

Ever notice how angry older humans can get when they are talked to this way?




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…


Think about how you are talking to children and older adults…

How would you feel if your positions were reversed and someone was talking to you like this?

If they were:
          Condescending?
          Loud?
          Talking down?





Tuesday, August 30, 2016

THANK YOU, DEAR…

Ever notice how similar the intonation - and sometimes even the words are - that we use for the elderly and for little children?

Ever stop to wonder whether you're hearing that tone because the speaker is looking down on the person they are talking to?


What do ya say?
Remember that song?


Friday, August 26, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO YELLED AT YOU?

Unfortunately, a lot of our learning is based on systematic bullying.

We get scolded, yelled at, labeled, branded with 'bad' grades…

Often, our teachers, parents and doctors have bought into this system of teaching.  After all, it was how they learned…

And of course, if learning tasks was our only life goal, it might work…  But at what cost?

Remember that 'kick the cat' line?  Each person abusing the one just a little lower on the totem pole?

One of the saddest pieces of this story is how we abuse ourselves!



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHO YELLED AT YOU?
Can you remember …
          Being scolded?
          Yelled at?
          Ridiculed?
          Called names?
          Hit?

Can you remember how these things affected you?

And most importantly can you see how you might have passed on this legacy?
          To others?
          To yourself?

Imagine having a dialog with the bully part of yourself.  
Can you suggest it take a walk?





Thursday, August 25, 2016

TAKE THAT!

"She is such a little brat!  But I showed her!"

The 30 year old woman was talking about her 5 year old niece who had just pinched the new baby…

"I gave her a really hard pinch," the woman continued.

"Now she knows what it feels like and she'll never do that again!"

Seriously?




What do ya say?

You don't really think being a bigger bully is a teaching moment, do you?









Wednesday, August 24, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - BY THE NUMBERS?

At each age we are told how we should:
Look
Act
What our energy level should be
What we should be doing…

My favorite story on this one came from a 80 year old woman I met at a retreat in Mexico.  We lived in huts, hiked the nearby mountains and took mud baths in the sun…

After one particularly strenuous hike I asked her how she did it.  I was huffing and puffing and she was smiling serenely. 

And yes, this is a true story…

"Well," she told me, "10 years ago I was in bad shape.  I went to the doctor who shook his head and said, "You're old and this is what happens."

"I looked him in the eye and said, 'FU!' and found another doctor!"

Inspired?  I sure was!



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT ARE YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT AGE… AND HOW DO THEY AFFECT YOU?

Think about the following questions:

How do your beliefs about age make you feel?
          Happy?
          Sad?
          Scared?
          Angry?

What evidence do you use to reinforce what you believe?

Can you understand how you might pick and choose among this data to strengthen your convictions?

Would you consider thinking about age in a new way?







Tuesday, August 23, 2016

WHAT'S IN A NUMBER?

"Act your age!"

When's the first time you heard this one?

"Well, at your age…"

     And the last time?



Are we nuts about numbers or what?





Were you around to hear Gloria Steinem's famous quote about age? check it out!

When someone told her she looked really good for 40 she responded, "This is what 40 looks like." 

And then there was the Russian lady who heard a young co-worker complaining about turning 21.

"Child," she admonished, "life doesn't even begin until 40…"

What do ya say?

Do you get hung up on this one? 


Friday, August 19, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DID YOU GET IT RIGHT?

How in our Universe of multiples can we possibly believe that there is ONE RIGHT CHOICE?

In reality, there are so many paths leading to so many different journeys…

Maybe this distorted belief came about - like many others we have explored - because in our early lives it made things easier for our parents and teachers?

How many parents with their busy lives actually allow their children to explore life's multiples? 

It requires time and patience to sit calmly by as children try 10 different directions or ask all those questions.  

How long does it take before we utter that time honored phrase: 'Because I'm the grown up and I said so!' 

Perhaps, without realizing it, in these moments we are creating that myth that there actually is one correct answer.



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

EVER PLAY PARALLEL LIVES?

Imagine you have 3 time lines …

Line 1 is your actual journey from birth to today.  
Like a river, see the flow that this life has created.  
Watch it like a movie.  Add music if you want…

Now create a line 2.
In this one you have different parents, siblings, schooling, friends…
Watch the flow of this alternate reality… 
What do you experience?

And now go for #3.
Again create a different story.  
Ride this one from birth to the present moment. 
Was it easy to create?  
How did it feel?

And finally take one bit from each time line, pick and choose, mix and match…

What happens as you experiment with these interchanges? 








Thursday, August 18, 2016

STRUGGLING WITH THE NOW - A DREAM

There is an imaginary button that comes with every decision - a very important - maybe the most important button…

When we push it we see the 'could have beens' - the roads not taken …

By verifying our correct choices we allow ourselves to truly enjoy and celebrate this moment in time - our now.






What do ya say?
Do you push the button?




Wednesday, August 17, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DID YOU SMELL THAT?

Ever notice how little kids and dogs can take an instant dislike to a place… or a person?

Ever notice how the grown ups around them try to re-shape their reactions?

"Come on," they entreat the recalcitrant ones, "it's okay.  That's a nice person!"

And ever notice how later it turns out those little beings knew what they were reacting to?

How did we learn to mistrust our senses?
And more importantly, how do we learn to re-own them?



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about an experience you've had when you doubted your own senses - or tried to convince some else to doubt theirs.

Here are two true examples to get you started:

In the first one a little girl and her dog hated a particular man who was a frequent visitor to their home.  The dog snarled and the little girl cowered.  Both were sent to their room by their embarrassed parents…

Later it was discovered that the man was a serious con artist who ripped off those deluded parents…

The second story is about a guy who berated himself for being too picky when he broke up with his girlfriend… He kept saying that something just didn't feel right…

She turned out to be a serial killer… just kidding… but she did end up stealing the identity of her next boyfriend …





Tuesday, August 16, 2016

SNIFF SNIFF

So, according to a study at the Weitzman Institute of Science,
(read more)  most people tend to sniff - yes SNIFF - their own hands after shaking hands…

"The study indicates that humans may be using social chemo signaling… similar to the way dogs sniff eachothers,well, you know…


What do ya say?
Not you, right?




Friday, August 12, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MOVE IT!

We would never advocate being a Pollyanna!

We meet too many of these unrealistic, Hollywood hypnotized, beings who can't accept reality.

No, what we are instead highlighting is that our paths through life are filled with challenges.

Everyone has them!

We all bump into things, skin our knees, and have losses.

To be angry about these things is okay - as part of a process!

And then we move forward, limping perhaps, but hopefully learning… learning about ourselves, about life, about compassion…

And evolving through our experience.
Movement is life.



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

RELEASING 'POOR PITIFUL ME'

Give up the Hollywood myths! 

'Happily ever after' is a toxic belief.

'The End' followed by applause is a joke!

Expecting a 'thank you' for good behavior was a parental devise designed to control children…let it go!

Reality is challenging - sometimes light, sometimes dark…









Thursday, August 11, 2016

AAAWWWOOO!!!

(Music to read this post by:  Three of our favs:  Linda Ronstadt, Warren Zevon or ...



"Oh," she moaned and groaned, "It is so difficult dealing with…"
And the list, which she thinks is proprietary, goes on forever…

What do ya say?

Don't you just want to roll your eyes at these people and tell them to grow up and get over themselves?

"Yep, life is hard," you'd like to tell them.
"So what?"



Wednesday, August 10, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - A TALE OF TWO FRONT TEETH

One of my very favorite stories about human perceptual relativity came from the wonderful Anthropology professor Dr. Ruth Krulfeld.

She told a tale about her field work among a tribe who considered the epitome of female beauty to be the absence of the two front teeth…

To paraphrase her story:  Initially, upon arrival, she was horrified… then as time went by it didn't seem so bad… and near the end of her stay she was actually considering…

This story was a gift.    read more

Our views of beauty come from our culture and our families.
Our perception, almost by definition can never be objective!




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

EXPAND YOUR VISION!

Think about what you consider attractive:
          In men
          In women
          In pets
          In homes
          In clothing

Now think about all the times you have looked at someone or something and found it unattractive…

Now, as a mental exercise, imagine looking at all these same things and finding them beautiful. 

The idea of this exercise is expansion!







Tuesday, August 9, 2016

SAY WHAT?

"It's a delightful little cockroach!"


Yes, it was probably an entomologist talking… you know, one of those people who study bugs… 

But still, it's an eye opener on human nature and beliefs…

Let's face it; it's all a matter of perspective!

What do ya say?      
Do you get this one?


Friday, August 5, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GETTING OUT OF THE LOOP

Why hold onto self defeating beliefs - especially once you realize how toxic they are?

We've all heard people say negative things about themselves, ignoring any information that points in a different direction.

Haven't you wondered about this?
There has to be a payoff, right?

So, next time you're caught in a self defeating loop ask yourself: 'What is believing this actually doing for me?' 
'Is it protective?  Is it trying to get me to look at something that I am avoiding?'

It truly is a part of human nature to go in the direction of rewards - even when we might not see them!



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TO GET OUT OF THE LOOP TAKE THESE 4 STEPS:

1)  Find your negative loops:  What do you keep saying about yourself? 
        I'm lazy
        I'm not likable
        I'm mean, selfish, unlovable, not skilled…

2)  Find the 'proof' you use to reinforce the loop.
        I don't have as many friends as others
        I don't make as much money as others
        I get involved with people who are not good for me

3)  Ask yourself when you started believing this about yourself.
        Who might have introduced you to this way of thinking?

4)  Finally ask yourself what might change in your life if you got out of the loop?