Thursday, February 11, 2016

THE P/A PUNCH

Overheard in the elevator:

"I saw your boyfriend the other day," she said, baring her teeth in a truly predatory smile.

"Whoa!  He is really hot!  I mean you're pretty and all," she explained shaking her head.  "But him…wow!"

"How'd you snag him?"

What do ya think?
If you said 'bitch' you got it!

A perfect example of passive aggressive anger…

Here's another one.  An email this time:
'Hi Judy, Sorry it's been so long (he wrote to his ex).  I was awakened this morning by a really intense dream.  You were dead.  I sincerely hope this is not true.  Fondly, Peter'

Yep, that's another one.  P/A to the max.

What do ya say?
How do you react when someone 'nices' you to death?

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - NOISE POLUTION!

In the early 1970's psychologists were really excited by the concept of 'venting' - ranting and raving and getting it all off your chest…

Until they discovered that this strategy was actually pretty destructive.

The 'ranter' could easily become addicted to the process - the high and adrenalin surge that often came from yelling - without actually creating any change in behavior…  

Except perhaps for the contact-avoidance created in the vented upon!

This is very different from 'directed catharsis especially when followed by cognitive strategies of change.' read more



  
DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Yes, you can release that tension in a non-destructive manner!

Check out these possibilities:

Go outside and yell at the trees, the grass, the sky - they can take it without any problem.  Or get in your parked car and go to it.

If you can't leave your indoor space, grab a pillow, hold it up to your mouth and howl away to your hearts content…

And then, once you've released that tension, look at what you were so jacked up about.  
Does it still seem worthy of rage?

Imagine a dialog with whoever made you feel that way.  Tell them how you feel.
Now trade imaginary places and get into their shoes…

What do you discover?




Tuesday, February 9, 2016

GOB SMACKED!

"Well," she said," I read that thing you wrote about the guy who flipped out on his girlfriend when he was annoyed…"

"But how about when it's someone who's just an acquaintance?"

"I mean," she continued," I get the intensity that can come in intimate relationships, but from people you do business with?"

"Yesterday I asked an associate a simple question and the next thing I knew she was screaming at me..." 


"I gotta say I was totally gob smacked… I stood there with my mouth open like… well… like totally shocked!

What do ya say?

Ever been in her position?
What did you do?


Tuesday, February 2, 2016

READY - AIM - FIRE!

"I really love being with him," she said, "but sometimes it's like he gets a bug up his a@@ and goes off on me…"

"I mean, he'll get angry about something and starts ranting and yelling and truly acting crazy!"

"I swear his eyes are rolling around in their sockets!"

Okay, maybe she was exaggerating a little, but you know what she's talking about, right?


"And then," she continued, "he's gotten it all out and he stomps off… and the next time I see him he's totally fine!  As if nothing happened…"

What do ya say?

Do you know anyone who acts like him?
Not you, right?



Friday, January 29, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CAN YOU BE WRONG?

What does being wrong - or better yet - not right, mean to you?

It seems that a lot of our need to be right is connected to a competitive system of learning that we carry into our adult years.

The problem is that this can set up an adversarial structure that often blocks continued learning.

Think about it. 
Don't we really want our world to be expansive… not self-limiting?



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

PRACTICING 'NON-RIGHTNESS'

Try these mini-mantras and see how you feel…

'I might be wrong but I think…'
'You might be right but perhaps…'
'We could both be right in different ways…'

DID THAT LAST ONE MAKE YOU LAUGH?






Thursday, January 28, 2016

SAY WHAT?

"We are going to have a major snow storm here in Nevada," he said.

"Yeah, here in NYC, too," I replied.

"No!" he stated categorically.  "You're wrong. Yours is not going to be anything much, just a few inches."


Okaaay…

So, the next week, after the second worst blizzard in NYC history, I spoke to him again…

"See," he gloated.  "I was right!  You did have a major snow storm!"
Riiight…


What do ya say?

How do you deal with these people who always have to be correct?

You're not one of them, are you?



Wednesday, January 27, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IT'S REAL

If we invalidate - second guess and discount our own experience - we limit our ability to learn, evolve and heal.

Pain, whether emotional or physical, directs our focus.

It cries out:  "Hey, pay attention!"

And in doing so, is an essential element of human learning.



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TALK TO YOUR PAIN
Here are 5 steps you can experiment with when you are in pain: 

1)  Describe your symptoms and their locations to yourself.

2)  List the emotions you are feeling:  fear, anger, depression, sadness, hopelessness…

3)  Now imagine that you could visualize your pain. 
What  form would it take?  What size?  Color?

4)  Next imagine you could actually talk to it.  What would you say?  How would it answer?

5)  Let a dialog develop and see what happens.

WHAT DO YOU GET FROM DOING THIS?