Friday, November 21, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - HEALTHY ANGER 102

Once upon a time, in a wonderful small classroom for 9 year olds, a smart girl named Cindy got angry at a classmate named Danny.

Cindy was certainly within her rights to be annoyed, since her classmate could indeed be incredibly exasperating. 

Cindy knew the rules - no hitting anyone, no screaming at others …
So what to do?

Cindy intuitively knew to use her imagination to release the tension connected to anger… she took Danny's jacket, spread it out on her desk, and gave it a good 'what for'! 

Once she had released the intensity of her anger she was able to talk to Danny and tell him what she didn't like.

Is this an 'out of the mouths of babes' story, or what?




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

WORKING WITH ANGER

Anger has a spectrum - it goes all the way from minor frustration and annoyance to the intensity of rage.

1)  Make a list of as many words as you can think of that might be related to anger. 
The goal with this step is to make yourself aware of what you are feeling.     

2)  Give yourself permission to feel your anger. 

3)  Find a healthy release.  You can use your creativity with imagination, fantasy, and images.  You can also do something physical like stomping, running, and yelling in a safe place.  (Not at others…)

4)  Finally, do something to fix the situation to the best of your ability… change your position or ask the other person to change theirs!

  










Thursday, November 20, 2014

HEALTHY ANGER

"I don't want to be angry anymore," she stated categorically. 

"It's been my default position forever and that's it!  I'm done with it!"

"NO MORE ANGER!"

Oh oh…

Did that sound logical to you?
I hope you answered with a resounding "No!"

Anger as a default?
Really not good, but jumping from that distorted position to another one?
Yikes!


 



What do ya say?
Can you see the value of healthy anger?








Wednesday, November 19, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DEALING WITH REALITY

In an odd way, the attitude of seeing things as better than what they are is actually selfish!

How so?

Well, it's really about how you want things to be, and not about how they actually are. 

People often think of themselves as being virtuous when they look at the world through rose colored glasses, but in a rather indirect way, when we do this we are actually giving out a strong 'you're not okay' message to the person we are dealing with!

It's fine to wish someone were different but pretending in these situations is always risky.


  


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

REALITY TRAINING IN 3 EASY STEPS!

1)  Create your perfect fantasy about a person, place, job…
          Now exaggerate the situation making everything even more perfect! 
          How does this feel?  Are you laughing?

2)  Now take that same situation and make it as imperfect and negative as   possible.   
          How does this feel?

3)  And finally…tell yourself what the reality of this situation or person is.
          Can you take it? 








Tuesday, November 18, 2014

TELL IT LIKE IT IS…

"I like to see the world in a positive light, "she chirped, glowing with the light of righteousness, "and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt…"

Nice idea, right?

However, if you don't see things and people clearly you will end up getting jammed when they act in accordance with who they really are…

 


And then of course, you will be enraged and…

Over-react with either inappropriate rage or passive aggressive anger.

What do ya say?

Ever been down this road?

Friday, November 14, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MOODY MUCH?

The expectation that others 'should' tip toe around our moods sets up truly unrealistic expectations…and a formula for unhappiness.

How did we get here?

Ever hear this one:  "Daddy's in a bad mood be very quiet!"
Or
"Mom had a hard day, you need to be good!"

The clear message is that one person's mood should dictate others behavior and that other people have an obligation to tip toe around you if your mood is 'bad'…

An interesting concept - the person causing the stress is not expected to fix their behavior but others have to adjust theirs…





DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

IF YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD… THERE ARE REASONS!

Play detective and ask yourself:

1)  What am I actually feeling?

 2)  What happened to make me feel this way?

3)  Bad moods usually indicate anger.  It's okay to feel - just not to take it out on someone else…

SO

4)  Do something to release that anger IN AN APPROPRIATE WAY!

5)  And finally, give yourself a break - breathe deeply, relax and take some time out!







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Thursday, November 13, 2014

DANGER - BAD MOOD!

"Hey," he warned stomping into the room, "I'm in a bad mood!"

So?

I mean, really, what do people think that means?

Something like:  "I'm going to bite your head off but it's ok…"
Or
"Watch out, be on your best behavior, or else!"

I mean really…
He's in a bad mood … So what!

This is not a game of 'cooties pass it on', is it?


What do ya say?

Do you think a 'bad mood' should give people a pass?


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DANCE

So, what actually is passive aggressive behavior?

Quite simply, it's anger in disguise.

In our culture we are taught in many ways that expressing anger is not acceptable… but as humans it is clearly a feeling - and an experience - that we have.

Not only do we experience anger, but we plainly need a way of externalizing the feeling.  Perhaps the original human coding to react to anger inducing events comes, as many things seem to, from our prehistoric survival instincts.

Whatever the reasons, humans appear to need to react to things that make us angry, and given the restrictions on expressing anger directly, we have come up with 'creative' alternatives… enter passive aggressive behavior - the ultimate way of indirectly conveying anger!
  




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...


PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Q&A

*Ever say 'yes' with a smile and then clearly act 'no'? 
*Ever say 'I'll be there at a certain time', knowing that there is no way?
*Often late?
*How about these phrases:  'Only joking…', 'I tried…', 'Oops!', 'It's not fair…'

What is it?
Passive aggressive behavior is an indirect way of expressing anger.

How do we learn it?
We are taught that anger isn't 'nice' but we still experience it and cleverly have found a way to hide our attack.

Will it harm me to use?
The harm in acting passive aggressively is that we often do it so well that we disguise our anger even from ourselves and then are handicapped by not knowing what is going on with us and often not understanding the reactions we are getting from others.

Is it ever useful?
If we can tune into our passive aggressive behavior it gives us a pretty strong indicator that we are actually angry.  With this awareness we can often fix the situation and resolve what is making us angry.






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