Friday, May 22, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - UPSEY DAISY!

Let's face it - for all of us there are times when it feels like it is all falling down around us, right?

What's important is to acknowledge the impact of the crash!

Yeah, it can feel overwhelming.  That's real life.  What we want to avoid is playing tough, and then wondering why we are feeling down!

It's natural to feel like hiding under the bed, it's part of our nature to feel like it's not fair, or to look at other peoples' lives (from the outside) and decide that they have it easier…

What is not healthy is to start bullying ourselves at these times - the old standbys: 'It's your own fault', 'You deserve it' - you know this list, right?  Really toxic!    

Check it out and listen for it.  Life is hard enough without that pile on!




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

FOUR STEPS TO GET YOU THROUGH THE DOWNTIMES:

1)  Acknowledge the tough stuff!

2)  Make a list of what's getting to you.

3)  Release tension:
   Play victim!  Yes, really get into it!  
    Remember the operative word is 'play'!  

This means exaggeration!  Try howling.  A good 'AOOOOO!' straight out of the wolf playbook tends to help!  
Your goal here is to release some of the tension that we tend to feel during these times.  And if you can create a good laugh, so much the better!

4)  Finally do something!  
During these high stress times we sometimes feel paralyzed, so you are again looking to release the tied up energy by movement - go for a walk, sing a song… it doesn't have to be something that solves the problem!








Thursday, May 21, 2015

DOWN IN THE DUMPS SOME?

"Okay," he said.  "I was doing fine… not the best time in my life, but I was getting by… I had a few little projects, you know, weight loss, home upgrades, staying on top of things…"

"And then - poof! - one after another, they all came tumbling down!:

"No more weight loss, actually 3 pounds up, my assistant quit, I saw paperwork crashing around my head, someone was creating an obstacle course in the hallway, and some serious weirdo was leaving really scary notes on the building's bulletin board: 

'You are being watched…'

Oookay…

"Oh, yeah, and then I twisted my ankle hopping over all that stuff in the hall…"
"But really, what I don't understand is why I feel so down…"

Is he serious?

What do ya say?
Can you top this one?


Wednesday, May 20, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - HONORING EACH DAY

What does it mean to honor the day?

Certainly, not pretending to be happy if you're not.  Actually, not pretending at all!

But rather, finding something that allows you to close your eyes at the end of the day with a sense of satisfaction; a feeling that you were able to suck the juice that was available, and come away richer for it.

Maybe you learned something about yourself you really like - or maybe you banged into a corner of your being that needs some fixing - no matter - as long as you tuned into that something - in you, or in the world around you - it was a good day!

  


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

RULE #1 TO GET THE RICHNESS FROM EACH DAY: DROP THE BULLY VOICE!

Coming at you from the corners of the universe, that negative invitation to 'should' yourself to death is a non-starter - the biggest waste of your moments!

When you hear it coming:

"Why did you…!"
"You should have…!"
"Nobody will like you if you…!"

PLUG YOUR EARS AND PUSH BACK!

This is one time when harsh words are acceptable:
"Back off!"
"Get lost!"
"Shut up!"

And the good old 3 year old standby of sticking out your tongue works too!

This voice, whether it is external from friends, teachers, parents, or internal from our own minds - is not helpful and always counter-productive.




~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a mini-meditation:                                                                   

  



Tuesday, May 19, 2015

A MOMENT IN TIME…

Once upon a time a woman was on her way to work and BOOM! 
Someone ran a red light and took off the front of her car.

WHOA!
The first thing that went through her mind with that intense impact was:

"OMG I had that awful fight with my brother last night and if I die now that moment will stay  with him forever…"



Needless to say it was a major wake-up call about living each day as it if just might be the last…



This past week we learned of two deaths that occurred almost simultaneously - one of a woman reaching the 100 year old mark and another of an 18 year old boy…

And then the shocking loss of 8 lives in the Amtrak train crash on Tuesday May 12.

What do ya say?

What does living each day as if it could be your last mean for you?

To comment click below





Friday, May 15, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - EMOTIONAL BOMB SHELTERS

How do you protect yourself from indirect emotional hits - better known as passive aggressive attacks?

Remember they tend to come out of the blue and take us by surprise, which is part of their power.

Can we tune into the high pitched sound of incoming loads about to be dropped on our heads?

The answer is yes!  

The sound - in this case tone of voice, the words - often setting up the attack with excuses and justifications: 
"I don't mean to bother you but…"
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but…"
And yes, the word 'but' is a big giveaway.

Facial expression is another great clue - check out smiles combined with those 'apologetic' words.

And finally, how you feel as the bomb drops on your head.  Short of breath?  Tight muscles?  Nauseas?  All signs of an indirect bomb hit!

Once you start tuning into the rhythm and signs of these attacks they become really obvious and you can learn to duck!




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

LEARNING TO DUCK…

Here are some easy 'get-away' lines to use once you recognize an incoming bomb:

"Oops!  The phone's (the doorbell's) ringing.  Gotta go!"

"Oh my gosh!  I just realized I'm running late for…Gotta go!"

"Oops!  Gotta go!  Major stomach attack!"

You get the idea - give yourself permission to get out of the path of that nasty incoming attack!



Please share your thoughts.  To comment just click below…





Thursday, May 14, 2015

INCOMING… INDIRECT HITS!

Do you know what these are?


Can you see them coming?
Can you duck?


These emotionally lethal sneak attacks are designed to get under your defensive shield…and tend to be highly effective!


Check it out:
"My daughter called me at midnight," this 65 year old woman reported. 

"She was ranting about her son, who I love.  She went into great detail about every little flaw he has.  She supposedly wanted my help, but she didn't listen to a word I said and of course after she finally hung up I was up all night!"

Hmmm…

What do you think was the purpose of the daughter's call?
Do you think maybe the daughter just might have been angry… with her mother?

I mean, really?  Midnight?

What do ya say?

Ever been the recipient of an indirect hit?
Ever use this technique yourself?


~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~


Wednesday, May 13, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LET IT GO!

What does it take to let go of all that criticism we receive? 

How do we let go of other people's bad thoughts about us and make ourselves ok despite them, releasing those negative labels into the air, and feeling the lightness that comes from putting down a really heavy weight?

How do we let go of their beliefs and recognize that in reality they were never about us to begin with?

The challenge is understanding we are not the defining factor in these people's lives.

We might be a handy stand in for someone else they can't get at, or a reflection of what they believe about themselves…

They might give us a role in their narrative - like a part in a play - we become the villain or the hero or any subsidiary role that fits in THEIR play…

Our job is to take back our own part and get out of their play!




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Okay…you get the concept … IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!


Try this:
Ask yourself what your buy in has been?
What would the story feel like if you didn't believe the role they have given you - if you are not the wicked stepmother, the bad child, the selfish, controlling sister…

You do see this one right? 
Think about this:  How many times once you are 'given your role' have you found yourself actually acting it out?

NOW… take a recent situation where you were criticized, either directly in words or indirectly with actions…
Tell yourself the story as the other person 'wrote' it…  Put yourself in their shoes and really feel it.  

Remember:  THIS IS THEIR NARRATIVE!
Are you buying into it?  If so, ask yourself what you get from being an actor in their play - maybe a familiar role?  A staring role?  An easy out?

NEXT… ask yourself what they might get from putting you in this position?

FINALLY… step back into your own shoes and rewrite the play - as you see it!



~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~