Friday, July 1, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - REVENGE?

Anger is a very intense emotion with a strong kinetic energy whap behind it…

To deal with anger in a healthy way we need to acknowledge what we are feeling and create a non-toxic outlet for that energy.

Revenge is one of the twisted ways we've learned to funnel anger. 

Twisted because in this modality we use our energy to focus on another person and what they actually have done to us - or what we imagine they have done…

A much healthier choice is to use that strong anger energy to create forward momentum in our own lives rather than wasting it on someone else….




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

ANGER AND IMAGINATION

Allow yourself to play with the concept of anger…
How?  Here's a fantasy to try:

Imagine you are a powerful bow with tremendous strength and force.  
Now feel the pull of the arrow… aim towards a destination and let fly! 
Can you feel the power of your energy as you do this?  
Imagine using this same power to reach a goal.







Thursday, June 30, 2016

DON'T GET MAD…

Ever hear this one:
'Don't get mad, get even!'

Of course you have.

It's very pervasive in our culture.
But think about it…

First of all, what's wrong with feeling angry?


And secondly, Yikes!

'Getting even' means your energy is focused on that other guy's game.

What do ya say?
Is that where you want your focus to be?




Wednesday, June 29, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IS IT WORKING?

During our teen age years, we often create groups that provide a sense of belonging.

There are insiders and outsiders, them and us.

These bonds help us negotiate tough times - all the changes that occur as we move from childhood to our adult status.

One of the ways the borders of these groups are created and fortified is with gossip about the outsiders.

Sometimes people retain these connections throughout their lives - and sometimes we let go of the people but continue the behavior - taking gossip and bad mouthing to a sophisticated level…

What do we get from this continued behavior?

Sometimes gossip is just silly fun - no biggie - but when the bad-mouthing moves into group behavior of them vrs. us, it can easily become destructive.


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Ask yourself what you are getting from being part of a 'bad-mouth' moment…

Is it an indirect way of dealing with anger?  Does this really help you?
Does it make you feel important?  Is this the best way?
Does it make you feel safe?  (If I'm part of the 'bashers' they won't get me.)  Is this really true?







Tuesday, June 28, 2016

THE ART OF BAD MOUTHING

Ever notice how some families make this an Olympic sport?
There are rules, of course…

1)  The subject of the BM (yeah, I think that designation works) has to be absent.


2)  The BMers have to convey an attitude of rectitude - they would never be guilty of… whatever…


3)  The BM session is always intended in the best of spirits.  You know, to solve a problem or… something equally righteous.

4)  The 'in camera' sessions are off the record.  No one present is expected to let the accused know!

5)  Whatever is said is taken as gospel without any fact checking.

What do ya say?
We were all guilty in high school, but since then?


Friday, June 24, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - NO THANKS!

After the age of 4 or 5 it's no longer cute to have diarrhea of the mouth!  We giggle when the little ones say those outrageous things but at a certain point we expect everyone to learn to 'think before they speak'!

We've all been on the receiving end of loose lip attacks and probably walked away hurt…

Instead of internalizing those comments it might be interesting to ask yourself what's going on with your 'assailant'. 

Is it an early learning defect - a mistake in their upbringing - or is there a more nefarious goal…

Might this person be jealous of you?  Competitive? 

Think about it.  These below the belt hits are usually not unintentional.



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS               
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT ARE THEY GETTING?

When you get zapped, ask yourself what goal your assailant might have?  They are NOT saying these things as a favor to you!

Some possible reasons:
Generic meanness
Scratching an itch
A power play
Getting even for an assumed act by you
Competition
Jealousy
Thinking that their beliefs are better than yours…

You get the drift.  It is never really about helping you!





Thursday, June 23, 2016

FAULTY FILTERS

Do they really think you want to hear everything they are thinking - about you?

'OMG you've really gained weight!'
'Whoa, you've lost weight and your face is sagging!'
'I can't believe you're wearing that!'
'Hey, are you pregnant?'
'Who cut your hair?'
'Your neighbor (who you hate) just got promoted!'



They say it's just to be helpful.  
For your own good…

Seriously?

What do ya say?

What's that really about?





Wednesday, June 22, 2016

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CAN YOU AVOID EMOTIONAL ATTACKS?

No!  You really can't control this one! 

You can try to see these hits coming. 

You can avoid certain people and situations.

You can make an effort not to fall into quicksand and sand traps…

But staying 100% out of the way of all emotional ambushes? 
No way!  Not at all possible.



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN YOU GET ZAPPED WITH THAT EMOTIONAL STUN GUN?

Be kind to yourself!
You just got zapped.  It happens. 

Don't compound it by self-scolding!  That means don't fault yourself for someone else's bad behavior!

Do you need to push back and let the other person know how you feel about what they did?
NO.  Not unless it feels safe!  

However, if you are left with anger you do need to do something to release it - whether you include the other person or not.