Tuesday, September 1, 2015

CAN YOU DO REAL?

"If only," she sighed.

"If only I looked like ______."



"She is so naturally beautiful," she continued, naming one of the most cosmetically re-arranged Hollywood stars.

YIKES!

Is it really possible that we buy into this stuff?

And how about all those perfect love stories?

You know, the lovers meet.
They lose eachother (through no fault of their own…)
They are reunited and live happily ever after…

Didn't you ever wonder what that 'happily ever after' really meant?

Like what happened the next day?

What do ya say?
Can you do real?


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Friday, August 28, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE GIFT OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS

Realistic expectations are crucial in human emotional dealing and healing.

When something happens that 'gets under our skin' it's usually for a good reason! 

Sometimes it's because it is totally unexpected and we feel blindsided.  In these cases we hold onto it as if that will allow us to be prepared the next time something hits out of the blue.

Sometimes an incident is difficult to walk away from because it taps into old unfinished family drama.  Once we realize what old story it is tapping into we can use it to help us take a step in healing the old wound.

And sometimes something happens that challenges our view of how things should be in the world!  These experiences are particularly difficult because in order to resolve them we have to revise our own beliefs!

The most important - and beneficial - aspect of unfinished business is to see it as a potential opportunity for personal growth!




 DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…


WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

Do you find yourself re-running the 'film' of something that happened in the past?

Are you repeating the same scenes again and again?
Do you say the same lines in your head as you imagine the incident?
If so you might think of yourself as 'STUCK'!

To un-stuck:

Play with the story!
Run the 'film' of the event backwards!  Yes, you can!  
At this point in time it really is your story and you can manipulate it any way you want…
Imagine what you might do differently if the last scene played first.
Change your lines!  This story now belongs to you and you can be as outrageous as you want!
Change the scenery, the costumes.

The idea of this manipulation is to empower yourself and realize that once the actual event is over all that remains is the story you are telling yourself - and you have a lot of control of your self-talk!





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Thursday, August 27, 2015

HOLDING ON…

"I keep thinking I've worked through this one," she said with a puzzled look on her face.

"And then, WHOMP!"  

"Out of the blue I'm right back there again, chewing over that same annoying story, repeating the details in my mind and out loud to anyone I can get to listen."

She could have been talking about an ended relationship or a negative interaction with just about anyone…

"Why can't I just let go and move on?" she demanded. "What am I doing wrong!"

What do ya say?
Does this one ring any bells?


To comment click below

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - COMMUNICATE MUCH?

So, what do we expect when we ask 'how are you'?
The truth?
A lie?

Something to make us feel better?

The answer is often "fine" because it's easy and a way to deflect attention…

Then there are the times in our lives when someone asks us and we feel rebellious -and angry - and reply darkly:

"Since you asked…"
Or
"Do you really want to know…"




DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Before asking someone who has gone through a tough time how they are, think about what you really want to communicate and your level of relationship with that person!

Which ones would you check?

RELATIONSHIP
o   intimate
o   best friend
o   family
o   friend
o   casual acquaintance
o   neighbor
LEVEL OF CARING
o   Hi
o   Medium
o   Low
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO COMMUNICATE
o   I care
o   I'm available as a sounding board
o   I'm trying to figure out something about myself
o   I'm into my snoop role





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Tuesday, August 25, 2015

WHAT DO YA SAY TO THIS?

"So, help me here," he was shaking his head as he asked.

"What am I supposed to say when people ask me how I am after some earth shaking event or illness?"

"I mean, if it's my best buddy that's one thing, but all these other people?  I know they mean well, but really…"


"What do they expect me to say?  I don't have a clue how to field this one!"


What do ya say?
How do you handle this one?

To comment click below


Friday, August 21, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT DOES 'FAIR' MEAN?

Where does this idea of 'fair' begin?

Maybe with sibling rivalry?  You know, your brother gets more or better or less whatever, than you do?

Perhaps in school when children begin to be taught to compare themselves with others?   Is someone else the teacher's pet?  More popular?  Smarter?

Maybe it's all those movies and TV shows that depict those idealized families, perfect romances and surgically enhanced people? 

In the process of comparing ourselves to others and buying into the imagined inequity, we tend to see a distorted picture that creates envy and resentment - 'Not fair-itis'!



  
DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Did you ever hear the famous Plotsky diamond joke? 

A woman is wearing an amazing diamond ring.  The lady sitting next to her, drooling with envy, comments on the ring.
Diamond ring lady:  Thank you.  It's the famous Plotsky diamond, but it comes with a curse…
Other lady:  What's the curse?
Diamond ring lady, looking across the room at her husband, responds:  Plotsky!

And the take away from this one:  Envy and 'it's not fair-itis' tends to focus on only one side of the story!

To release yourself from the curse of this belief:

1)  See the whole picture!  Would you really want Plotsky?
2)  Exaggerate!  Take your lament to the extreme… You know you've reached the release point when you start to laugh.




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Thursday, August 20, 2015

IS THIS YOUR MANTRA?

One of the most dangerous mantras that we humans adopt is the 'IT'S NOT FAIR' chant.

With this one we pull out all manner of evidence to shore up our belief that life has handed us a nasty slice…



'It's not fair' we moan about anything and everything, imagining that someone else has it better and easier…

Our lists include:  money, health, relationships, grades, office politics…

You know the inventory right?

And, let's face it, as ridiculous as it sounds when we really think about it, it is a tempting melody…

What do ya say?
Can you tell us you've never pulled this one?

To comment click below