Thursday, April 17, 2014

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL


"Sorry, pal, but if you don't do what I want - I'll punish you!"

Sound kind of shocking?
That's because it's not usually said out loud.
But think about it…

Haven't you heard that tune playing sotto voce (you know, way below the surface) a time or two?



No?  Never heard it?
Okay then, have you been the one doing the talking?

Think about it.  Unfortunately, it's one we seem to learn pretty easily…

What do ya say?

Been there?
Done that?






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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CAN YOU FEEL THE PEA?


Are you one of the highly sensitive people - a prince or princess according to Hans Christian Anderson - who can feel that pea under 20 mattresses?

In reality a pretty large percentage of us are -  perhaps 15 to 20% of the population!   

Some of us are sensitive to everything, others to one particular type of sensory input.  For instance haven't you known some people who are super sensitive to sound, or aromas or even strong visual stimuli?

We often find these people annoying because it's easy to think they're 'faking it' especially when we can't see, hear or smell what they can!

For a fun self-test check out "The highly sensitive person" web site. http://www.hsperson.com/





  
DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

LEARNING TO VALUE 'ROYAL' STATUS - IN YOURSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS


To value your own 'royal' status

1)  Recognize that with heightened awareness you get to be a 'Royal' but, like in the fairy tale, you also may wake up black and blue…

2)  Decide how much you actually want to share … and with whom?  Remember many people won't understand gifts they themselves don't have, and might deal with their lack of understanding with ridicule or anger.

3)  Come up with a few stock phrases to 'dumb down' your sensitivity so others can get it.  For example:

"Everyone in my family is very sensitive to sound - it's genetic."

 "I come from a long line of perfumers which is why I'm so tuned in to aromas."

 "I grew up in a Zen monastery, so frenzied surroundings are out of my comfort    zone…" 

4)  In reality what you are doing is more for you than the other person - they might never get it but you are taking care of yourself by creating a clear boundary - you are saying:  "My ability is special and innate and if you can't get it, too bad for you!"


To deal with a 'Royal' friend or partner

1)  Remember we are not all the same - we all have attributes that are difficult for others to understand - you do too!

2)  Find the value in the other person's heightened awareness - recognize how it might actually enhance their life - and yours!  For instance, can they smell toxic odors before you do - and perhaps protect you from breathing something harmful?

3)  Instead of getting angry or demeaning, tell the other person how you feel, ie.:  "It is hard for me to understand how you can smell things that I can't smell so sometimes your reactions are confusing to me…"

4)  You can set boundaries too.  If the other person's sensitivity means there are things they don't want to do, create a time and place to do them with others - without being angry about it!









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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA


Remember that great fairy tale by Hans Christian Anderson?

"The Princess on the Pea")[1] is a fairy tale about a young woman whose royal identity is established by a test of her physical sensitivity…

One stormy night …a young woman seeks shelter in a prince's castle. She claims to be a princess, so the prince's mother decides to test their unexpected unwitting guest by placing a pea in the bed she is offered for the night, covered by 20 mattresses and 20 feather-beds.

 In the morning, the guest tells her hosts that she endured a sleepless night, kept awake by something hard in the bed; which she is certain has bruised her. The prince rejoices. 

Only a real princess would have the sensitivity to feel a pea through such a quantity of bedding." read the story

Some of us really can feel the pea under all those layers...


In the story her sensitivity gave the Princess special status - in our daily lives it usually causes problems - for the Princess or Prince and those around them…




What do ya say?  

Are you one of the Royals?
Know one? 

How do you deal? 



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To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

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Sunday, April 13, 2014

SUNDAY SMILES - THE HOLIDAYS OF SPRING

This year many of us have struggled through the torment of a seemingly endless winter.

Dark, dreary and cold, with days that promised relief only to be followed by even greater darkness.

It has felt for many that their lives have mirrored the despair of these harsh days.

But finally, we are reminded, with our holidays of freedom and rebirth - Passover and Easter - to open our hearts and our eyes to the promise of release and renewal - the earth's and our own!



May this Spring bring harmony and happiness to you all!





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Friday, April 11, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHERE IS THE OBLIGATION?

Where do we pick up this concept of being obligated to the desires of others - especially to our own detriment?

That guy we wrote about yesterday was talking about 'carrying' employees who are clearly not up to par and even more painful, staying in relationships past their pull date because of worrying about the other person…

Is it really possible that the person on the other side of this dynamic doesn't realize what is going on?

Or is it possible that - from a position of entitlement - they just don't care?

What are we afraid might happen if we drop our end of the 'deal'?







DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

HOLDING ON?  WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU LET GO?

To work yourself through this truly non-productive human dynamic, try this:

Think of a situation that you are in where you are saying 'yes' to someone else's demands when your heart and soul tell you to say 'no'.

Now imagine the worse case scenario if you were to say 'NO'.

The other person dies, commits suicide, kills you, bad mouths you, goes into a deep depression, never speaks to you again…
 (Okaaay, that last choice there was starting to sound good - but I did ask    you to go for worse case…)

Now imagine the best case scenario.

The other person tells you that you are a saint to have put up with them for so long, they say they will always remember you with fondness, they ask if you can still be friends…  
(So, yeah, probably not gonna happen either…)

Now, thinking about your two extremes, what is the most realistic outcome?


MAYBE A LITTLE PAIN?  MAYBE A LITTLE GAIN?




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Thursday, April 10, 2014

NOPE…NOT HAPPENING!


"No!  No?  NO NO NO…"
"I'm practicing," he told me.  "I keep saying 'yes' when I want to say no…"


Ever hear that song from the musical Oklahoma?


"I'm just a girl who can't say no
I'm in a terrible fix
I always say come on let's go
Just when I oughta say nix…"

Well, this guy was right there with it.

"See," he explained, "these poor people really need my help…"

"I mean not to be obnoxious about it or anything, but the truth is, I'm smarter and more capable than they are..."

Hmmm, really?

Then why is it THEY are getting HIM to do what THEY want?

What do ya say?                                                                                              
Ring any bells?





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To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 


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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - STRIKE WHEN THE IRON IS HOT!


In cooking there is a formula for the perfect moment to take the pot off the stove or remove the pan from the oven.

We follow instructions, recipes that make the end result pretty predictable.

But what about life?  Where is our instruction manual that promises perfect results every time?

If we are okay with trial and error, we gradually learn, but often our internal Bully voice demanding perfection, makes us afraid to experiment.









DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

"STRIKE WHEN THE IRON IS HOT…"

How do we know the right moment?  The right degree of hot?

Gardeners learn…
Cooks learn…
People who iron clothes learn…

What is their secret?
They allow themselves to make mistakes and forgive themselves…They understand that getting it wrong - waiting too long or acting too soon - is an acceptable part of their learning curve!

TO TRANSLATE THIS TO EVERYDAY LIFE, TRY SENDING YOUR INTERNAL BULLY AWAY!
Recognize it:  "Wow that tight feeling in my gut is my Bully voice berating me."
    "Ugh!  See what you did!" 
    "Why didn't you act sooner?"      
    "Why didn't you wait longer?"

Reason with it:  "Listen I have to make some mistakes in order to learn.  I am not a robot and I can't always control the outcome!"

Banish it:  Okay, that's enough!  Shut it!"

AND FINALLY, TAKE A MOMENT TO BREATHE DEEPLY AND LET YOURSELF LEARN FROM TRIAL… AND ERROR. 

A LITTLE BURNT TOAST NEVER HURT ANYONE, RIGHT?









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Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com