Friday, February 27, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - 'TELLS'

We all have a really difficult time with that feeling of being taken by surprise by someone else's behavior - shocked that we didn't see it coming.

Good poker players pay attention to 'tells' - those little behavioral give-aways that predict an opponent's next move.

In our interactions with others there are also 'tells' and the better we get at reading them the less we feel thrown off our own game.

Often we erase our observation of these predictive signs of behavior because we don't want to face an unpleasant reality, but seeing it like it is  - or, most likely, is going to be - is actually a healthy way of dealing with the world - and it's always possible that we will be pleasantly surprised if our read is wrong!



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

CATCHING EMOTIONAL 'TELLS'
In reality we all have the ability to read others pretty well - sometimes we just need a little refresher course…

Think about the behaviors that you see in the people around you that tend to be repetitive and predictive of their behavior…

Imagine that you are a detective on a case and looking for clues… without realizing it, you probably have a pretty good skill set just by the virtue of time spent around others and observation…

(The famous Miss Marple from the Agatha Cristi mysteries always figured it out - and claimed that it was just a matter of paying attention to behavior that she'd seen before…)

Here's a list of some well known 'tells':

Changes in breathing
Fidgeting
Facial expressions
Tone of voice
Nervous tics
Lip pursing
Shift in gaze
Repetition

These 'tells' clue you to the fact that something is going on - paying attention to what happens next and then seeing and accepting the pattern - makes life easier!



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Thursday, February 26, 2015

SHH! DON'T TELL!

"Ever notice," this guy asked me, "how people sometimes accuse you of doing things they do… and you don't?"

He was really exasperated as he continued talking...

"'Don't tell anyone!' my friend demanded for the fourth time in this really insipid conversation we were having…"

"'This is really confidential!' she said - AGAIN!"


"Well, yeah," he was really annoyed as he continued…

"If you say 'don't tell' I assume it is confidential…"

"So how come," he asked looking straight at me, "four different people I ran into that day repeated her 'confidential' junk to me… and said they heard it from her?  And how come they added a 'by the way, she told me you said…'?"

He rolled his eyes.
"Maybe I didn't repeat 'confidential' enough times?  Is four the magic number?"

What do ya say?
Ever fall into this one?

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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO ARE YOU REALLY COMPETING WITH?

Why do siblings compete?

Why isn't there enough for everyone?

Is it our parents fault or a natural survival instinct that makes us react like this?

Is it really important to know how we got this way?

Maybe recognizing the starting place allows us to move on…






DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

RELEASING THE CHAINS OF SIBLING RIVALRY

Try asking yourself these questions:

What was the role of competition in my birth family?

What was my position in relation to competition in our family?

Am I still acting in this same role with the people in my life today?

Is competition okay for me today?

Is it a choice I'm making?

Do I feel controlled or in control in competitive situations?

Am I reacting or acting?                                                                                  
How aware am I about what is going on?

Does my behavior make me feel empowered or weakened?



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Tuesday, February 24, 2015

COMPETITIVE? NAH…

"Take him back!  Take him back!"

"WE DON'T NEED HIM!"

Can you guess the back story on this one? 

Yup, it's kid #1 reacting to Mommy and the new baby returning from the hospital…


So, what does this historical moment have to do with you today?


Well, if you were that #1 child you might want to check out the way you handle competition… 

and if you were child #2…
Ever find yourself feeling inadequate?
Trying too hard?

What do ya say?
If the shoe fits…

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Friday, February 20, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TIME OUT?

So many of our human myths and fables are about hibernation during the winter months - really hiding out and going on a low setting - 
Remember the Greek myths of Persephone and Demeter?

In the Navaho culture certain tales are only meant to be listened to in the winter.  check out Coyote and Lizard

And then there's our fascination with those hibernating bears…

In our modern societies we fight this natural inclination to shut down in the cold, dark time of year.

What do you imagine would happen if we embraced winter as a time of rest and renewal -  a time to slow down, breathe deeply and lay the ground work for our emotional Spring?


  
DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU IMAGINE ACCEPTING WINTER AS A TIME TO CREATE CALM…

Try this experiment:

Take a moment and go 'inside' with intention!

Breathe deeply, and as you do feel a sense of calm and peace circulating throughout you entire being…

This might be a time for 'awake dreaming' those floaty, magical moments when we move into a non- doing realm and just drift…

Winter is a wonderful time for story telling, for lighting candles, reading, meditation…

A time for slowing down, watching the snow fall, enjoying the earth's moment of rest and making it your own…




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Thursday, February 19, 2015

WINTER WEATHER WOES

Ever watch a seagull flying backwards in a strong gust of wind, furiously flapping its little wings - and going nowhere?

It does manage to stay afloat, though…


Hmmm…

Lots of that going around this winter…

What do ya say?  Can you relate?




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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - USE IT, DON'T LOSE IT!

What can you do with negative feelings if you don't dump them on others?

Use them to evolve!  Sound strange?
Think about it…

Where ever that anger wells up is a sore point and…
Sore points need healing, right?

Interesting way to look at it…



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

IMAGINE YOU COULD USE YOUR ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY INSTEAD OF DUMPING IT ON OTHERS…

Try this very simple experiment:

Imagine a dialog with the person or situation you're angry with (Yup!  You can talk to a situation… Remember, this is all about using your imagination!)

Get into it and really rant and rave.

Now change places.  Respond as that other person or situation.  What happens when you 'become' the other.

Switching positions tends to be pretty mind expanding for all of us!

What do you discover?

You always know you've succeeded in this 'project' if you start laughing or feel your breathing deepen and expand!

Go for it!



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