Friday, September 19, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE ALLURE OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS

Why do we keep re-running old traumas and emotional wounds?

What might our purpose be in clinging to these personal historical events and feelings?

Some seem to believe that by maintaining and embracing these old injuries we actually protect ourselves from reoccurrences. 

In actuality, it seems that clinging onto the past in this way might make us even more susceptible to similar conduct in the present…





  
DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

READY TO LET IT GO?

Make a list of the old personal 'injuries' and traumas that you are holding onto. 

This should be pretty easy - if you are holding on, these incidents from the past will pop into your thoughts as you scan your personal history.

Now see if you can determine what the key ingredients are and if there are similarities between the events.

Okay, now the interesting part. 
Ask yourself what you get by holding on to these grievances? 

We are not talking about scolding yourself! 

We are actually looking for the perceived value that might be causing you to maintain this memory in an active form that is easily tapped into in the present!

Sometimes by realizing that this is not really useful we automatically remove some of the 'charge' that this memory has held for us…










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Thursday, September 18, 2014

CLEANING HOUSE

"My mother threw away all my teddy bears," she lamented.

She was really upset, and no, the speaker was not 7 years old although that's when in happened…

This woman was still upset about an event that happened over two decades ago.

Yeah, she was almost 30 now, but those teddy bears were still bothering her…

What do ya say?
Got any old traumas you're holding onto?







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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

COUNTING COUP - AGAIN…

Why is it important to acknowledge our psychological achievements? 
And what actually constitutes a psychological step forward?

Each small change we make in our emotional field - a slightly different way of responding to a particular problem or challenging person - deserves a pat on the back.

Does a small shift count?
How about a one time shift?
Not 100%?

The mini steps towards our goals are important to see as wins in themselves.

By giving ourselves credit for small victories we build stamina for the long haul!






DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

VICTORY DANCES

So how do you pat yourself on the back for taking a step forward?

Can you actually see those mini steps or do they have to be gargantuan before you count them?

Think about a recent difficult situation - or even an on-going, chronic issue that you have been dealing with…

Spell out the 'problem':
          
Difficult person?  (Mother, father, sibling, partner… you get the idea…)
Challenging issue? (Money, weight, work… you know, those biggies…)

Now ask yourself how you have traditionally dealt with the situation.
         The list here might be long - make it as comprehensive as possible…

Next ask yourself what you might have done - or could do - that might be a little different.  

Look for little shifts in possible or actual behavior.  Really pay attention to the micro!

Finally, look at yourself in your real or metaphorical mirror, and give yourself a big pat on the back for any small steps in a slightly new direction!

         




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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

SCORING!

No, not that kind!

We're talking about emotional wins, reaching and accomplishing a goal and then…

Well, listen in to this one…

"So," she said, "my dad came for a visit.  He was his usual, abusive self… But this time I reacted differently.  I called him on it - nicely - but I did it!"

And?

"Well, I got through to him…"

And?

"Well, there really is no 'and'.  I mean I don't want to congratulate myself because I know it won't last!  Next time I see him he'll be a jerk again."


 So, here's the question:
What does giving yourself a gold star mean?

Does it really mean you've changed the other person's behavior?

What do ya say?
Is it ok to have only changed yours?




Check out our new YouTube adventures coming soon! 

Friday, September 12, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - STARTING FROM 'NOW'

I know you used to run marathons, weigh 120 pounds, and dance til dawn...

Yay you!  Give yourself a pat on the back for all your past accomplishments and now start from today - not from yesterday!

People get stuck - and depressed - when their expectations are not realistic - and basing goals on past performance is by definition not real!

Forward momentum - movement - is in our DNA.  It was related to survival of our species and is still important. 

Start with where you are right now, reward yourself for reaching realistic goals - and who knows you might be back to dancing til dawn!






DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

STARTING FROM NOW

Evaluate your goals
Are they realistic and based on your current capabilities?

If you were making a 'mini-goal' what would it be?
Now try your mini-goal.
How does this feel?
Did you succeed?  If yes, give yourself kudos and applause.
If no, make it more 'mini'!

Check this out:
That guy from yesterday who can no longer run, dreams of marathons and ends up sitting in front of the tv depressed… He needs movement but denies himself the experience because he is holding onto the past!

That's not you, right?

What is realistic for you?
What can you do to bring movement into your life?

Take a walk to a new place…
Go through a different door…
Clean out a drawer…
Sing a song…
Feel that momentum - and enjoy!





Check out our new YouTube adventures coming soon!





Thursday, September 11, 2014

EMOTIONAL MODIFICATION

I mean moderation, right?
Well, sort of…

I'm talking about moderating and modifying what you do as you - and your life - evolves.  Check out these two stories, both true…

An older woman, let's call her Granny, wasn't happy where she was living.  At her 89th birthday she announced that it was time for her to move.  She had heard of a place and wanted to go check it out… she did, she moved and she's been smiling ever since - a lot!

The second story is about a younger man who is suffering from some debilitating physical problems…
"I'll never be able to run again," this ex-jock laments… 
  
The moral of these stories?

You have to keep changing up your game... THINKING CHANGE - NOT LOSS!

Maybe you can't run like you used to - so walk!  
Walking still not an option?

No problem.  Practice deep breathing!


You get the idea, right?
This is the most potent anti-depressant going:

EVOLVE WITH WHATEVER COMES YOUR WAY!



What do ya say?

Can you get your arms around this one?



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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

GIVING CREDIT - WHERE IT'S DUE…

What makes it difficult for us to acknowledge other people's contributions to our lives?

Sometimes it seems we feel that saying - 'thank you' - 'I appreciate you' - 'what a great idea you had' - weakens our position and lessens our power.

Perhaps some of this gets started at a young age, both at home and in the school room, where comparisons and competition tend to be the norm.  This can lead us to believe that there is only room for one 'winner', rather than teaching us to take joy in working collectively and collaboratively.

In reality, our generosity of spirit, our ability to recognize the importance of others in our lives, makes us stronger!






DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

HERE'S A FUN EXPERIMENT TO TRY:

Imagine your parents telling you how much you have contributed to their lives…

Imagine they say:
"You know, I love it when you tell me about your life, I learn so much from you!"

How does this feel?

Now imagine your siblings telling you how smart they think you are and how much they have learned from you…

How does this feel?

Let each of these people tell you how much you have contributed to their lives and how much of who they are they've learned from you.

What happens as you do this?

How do you feel?  
How do you feel about them?
Could you reverse it and say those same things back to them?







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