Friday, October 31, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LOOKING FOR BALANCE

Balance is an important concept in our Universe and in our own individual lives. 

When relationships get out of balance, we feel taken advantage of and angry. 
Not a good place to be! 

If you want an easy way to stay angry - stay in an out of balance relationship!

Ask yourself what you might get from 'putting out' where you are not getting back.

Take responsibility for putting yourself in that position… and step back! 


  


DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

THE POWER OF BALANCE - FEEL IT!

What creates balance in any relationship? 

A great exercise with a partner to sensitize yourself to the feeling of balance:

Stand back to back and gently lean against each other.
What happens?
Can you feel the shifts in balance?
Check it out with your partner.  Verbally share what you experienced.
Now re-do the exercise.
Does it change?

Here's another exercise you can do, either on your own or with another person:

Take a moment to breathe deeply.
Think about your relationship with another person - choose anyone you want
Now visualize the two of you standing side by side
Experiment with changing your sizes
What happens?


We are using sensory cues to help us establish a feeling of interpersonal balance… With out it we fall!





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Thursday, October 30, 2014

TWO WAY STREETS…

Here's an interesting one - check it out:

"I'm generous," she told me shaking her head, "but jeez I'm not stupid!"

Smiling at me she continued, "I like giving, it feels good, but seriously…
I notice that the more generous I am the more I get a really good picture of who the other person truly is…"

"Some people seem to think generosity means you're a fool or someone trying for sainthood…"

"Are they idiots, or what?"


 

What do ya think?

Do you get where she was coming from?

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DOWN IN THE DUMPS

We've all had those days, right? 
The 'we want to crawl under the bed' days.

This experience is so much a part of our on-going lives that we've created the expression 'down in the dumps' to describe it - and the expression - and the experience - have been around a long time! 

The earliest written use of the term is the year 1529!  

This is one of the most important times to beware of our internal Bullies.

When things are tough we tend to feel fear - and fear is the playground of our own internal Bullies!





DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...


DIALOGGIN' WITH YOUR BULLY:

First find and identify your internal Bully voice - if you are feeling down it's probably there… 

The dialog might go something like this:

Bully:  Man, you are such a mess!  It's your fault that everything went wrong!

You:  No, it is not!  Only some of it…  I am human you know.  You're making everything worse.

Bully:  I'm just trying to help… I mean if I can't point out your flaws, who can?  I know you the best.

You:  Hey, pointing out flaws is NOT helpful!  Why don't you find something nice to say - you know, supportive!  Maybe you could help me through this awful day!

Bully:  What, you want me to lie?

You:  YES!

You are probably laughing now … and seeing the ridiculousness of piling on yourself…





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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

"SOME DAYS MUST BE DARK AND DREARY…"


Ever hear that poem?  read the poem

This guy was the walking incarnation of Longfellow's words…

"Ugh," he moaned, dragging himself into the room. 

"I am so depressed!"

"Today was one of those total loser days!  I just couldn't catch a break!"



"Nothing I did turned out right … and then some texting idiot crashed into the side of my car - at a red light!"

Yikes!

What do ya say?

How do you deal with those 'everything goes to s*#%' days?


Got any remedies?



Friday, October 24, 2014

GO FOR IT!

This week's posts about dialoging with our internal voices created a lot of comments… and questions. 

This one's a pretty typical example:

"I don't get how this talking to different parts of myself would make any difference!  Actually, it sounds pretty weird - but hey, I'm open-minded, so prove it to me!"

Okaaay…

Let's use the guy who commented above.  He was struggling with getting an exercise program going.  He knew he needed it, but he was seriously stuck.

Here's how talking to his inner 'voices' could help him get past stuck:

First, define the problem.  Here it is in his own words: 
"I need to exercise, I know I do, but let's face it, I'm just lazy…"

Now, let's check in with those voices:

Voice 1 is easy to find. It's the part of him that refuses to budge and has an easy answer:  "I'm lazy."

Voice 2 is always going to be the other side - in this case the part that wants him to exercise:  "But you have to do it!  Even the doc said so!"

Now the dialog begins.  It might go something like this:



Voice 1:  "You can't make me!  I won't do it!  Get off my case!"

Voice 2:  "I'm the boss.  I'm smarter than you and you have to do what I say!"

Voice 1:  "No I don't and I won't!"

CHOKE POINT, RIGHT?

Now, if we visualize these two parts, what might they look like?
How would their voices sound?
Exaggerate their images and sounds.
What happens?
Can you take them to the point of absurdity?

Usually, this gets us laughing and the next step is to negotiate some sort of deal.  There are lots of possibilities:

Bribes:  If you go to the gym, I'll…
Compromises:  How about one day a week?  How about 20 minutes?
And finally
Support:  Let's find a way we can both be happy.

You get the idea.  It's all about internal politics, right? 
You're looking to make friends with those opposing parts and get them working together instead of in opposition. 

It's actually easy, fun and most importantly guaranteed to create momentum - the antidote to those stuck places!


Thursday, October 23, 2014

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO'S TALKING NOW?

Ever feel stuck?  If you are human the answer is 'yes'…
Looking for external causes?

Maybe the problem is a little closer to home.

Often we get jammed when our internal voices are fighting with each other without our knowledge.  

These 'voices' are swallowed down beliefs and undigested mandates that we pick up during our life from our parents, siblings, teachers and society - all those 'you shoulds' and 'you are's' and 'you have tos' that rattle around in our heads.

Sometimes one side wins, sometimes the other, but the stumbling block which causes our 'stuckness' is the unresolved conflict itself!





DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...

INNER CONFLICT RESOLUTION 102

Awareness - You know what you are stuck about - that's easy to see and feel.  Now use your detective sense and find the opposing inner  sides of the conflict - See if you can give each of these conflicting parts of you an identity - label them in a way that allows you to recognize and become familiar with them.

Dialogs - In real life conflict resolution we try to get opposing side to enter into a dialog, right?  So now try this out with your inner conflict!  Just as in the outer world, it can be lots of fun and incredibly informative and productive.  Give each of the inner sides a voice.

Acknowledgment of conflicting positions - Now let each of these sides tell the other side who it is and what it wants and maybe even how it feels!  An easy trick is to use your hands - right hand is one voice, left hand is the other.  Remember that saying: 'Talk to the hand'?  You might be surprised at what comes out!

Negotiation - Now that they have defined who they are, let them start the process of trying to come to a win/win. 

Resolution - You want to see if you can bring their positions closer together or at least find a way that they can share the upper hand - you know, 'I win today, you get your way tomorrow'…





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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

SAY WHAT?

"What do you mean 'internal voices'?" he asked.  
"Are you saying I'm nuts, or what?"

"I don't have 'voices' inside of me… do I?" he looked at me questioningly.

"And if I do," he demanded, "you want to tell me how they got there?

And what are they talking about, anyway?"



What do ya say?

Can you identify your inner voices?





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