SUNDAY SMILES – ARE YOU MAKING THE WRONG CHOICE?

The young woman got a really good new job – a field she enjoyed – nice co-workers . . .

BUT 

There was this other job she could have taken . . .

What if she made the wrong choice???

Here's another one – and I promise I am NOT making it up:

My Grandmother came to visit and brought a gift for my Dad – two lovely new shirts that she left on his bed . . .
I bet you already know where this one is going, right?




My Dad put on one of the new shirts and came down the stairs for dinner.

Grandma wrinkled up her face as she looked at him.

“What?” she demanded.  “The other one you don’t like?”


I swear this is a true story – I was there . . .

What do ya say?  Have you been there?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING – GET OVER YOURSELF?

em·bar·rass·ment

-mənt/                                               

noun

1.

a feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness.

synonyms:

mortification, humiliation, shame, shamefacedness, chagrin,awkwardness, self-consciousness, sheepishness, discomfort,discomfiture, discomposure

Embarrassment is an emotional state of intense discomfort with oneself, experienced upon having a socially unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others. Usually some amount of loss of honor or dignity is involved, but how much and the type depends on the embarrassing situation   read more

Any of this sound familiar?  

How about as a constant experience from about age 12 until. . .

The definition of adolescence seems to be an overriding feeling of awkwardness!  

It is the time of school and playground cliques; the days of feeling like an outsider, regardless of any reality checks.  The age of the ‘mean’ kids and the dorks. . . 

It is a time when most of us feel seriously ugly no matter how any one else perceives us.  The days when one pimple – especially located on the nose – can bring on the deepest of depressions! 

Remember those days? 

During this very vulnerable time, when our hormones are creating internal chaos and our senses are heightened to the extreme, our feelings and experiences get recorded with a very strong ink – almost indelible!  

And without our permission, we tend to drag that imprint with us for many years to come!









DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

In reality, who cares if they come to your party?  All that food can go in the freezer, right…


This is an opportunity to get in touch with your internal teenager.  
That’s the part of you that blushes easily, still caring about THEM.

Talk to adolescent you – tell that part of you buried deep (ok for some of us not so deep) inside that s/he is fine whether THEY 'show up for your party' or not!

Now let your internal teenager answer. 

Really get into this and have some fun.  Let your teenage energy go for it! 

Put some whine and rebel into the dialog. 

Resentment?  Sure. 

Allow this dialog to develop between your compassionate adult voice (yes, we all do have one of these!) and your internal teenager.

Remember, the more fun you have with it - the more you exaggerate that teenage voice - the more you begin to release those long-ago imprinted, painful feelings!

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THE BEGINNERS GUIDE TO A SUCCESSFUL PARTY – NOT!

What if you gave a party and no one came?!

Or even worse!!

Imagine this scene:
All the snacks are set out
The drinks are ready
The music is playing
Candles lit and …


There’s a knock on the door…                                                       

Yes ONE knock the whole evening!
OMG

Talk about embarrassing…
Is this a teenage nightmare or what?!

Been there?

Had it happen?

Tell the truth.  How many of those snacks did you eat after that one pathetic guest finally left?

What do ya say?

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What is  OLDSPEAK?  

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING – HERE'S A QUICK WAY TO CALCULATE YOUR ANGER LEVEL

How did this emotion end up so distorted?

Anger is actually a pretty simple reflex action:  Step on my foot – I yell “Ouch!” and “Watch out!”

The distortion comes when society teaches us from a very early age that anger is bad and dangerous. 

With a shaking finger and admonishments we tell our children:
          “It’s not nice to…”
          “No one will like you if you …”

So we endeavor to block this strong reflex, thereby creating distortion.  

Without awareness of what we are doing, we accidentally turn anger in on ourselves and also in our attempt to tamp down this naturally outward bound energy, we often actually intensify it!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

WHAT’S YOUR ANGER TEMPERATURE?

Where’s your anger temperature gauge set? 

Check the one that fits:

()    COOL:  “Not me, I’m never angry…”

()    MEDIUM:  “Ok, maybe, BUT only it it’s very justified!

()    HOT:  “Right!  Blow them away!  They deserve it!”

()    PERFECT SETTING:  You allow yourself to feel angry...  and then find, a) a non-toxic way to release the emotion and b)  a strategic solution!   

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GOT ANGER? IS THERE METHOD TO YOUR MADNESS?

His face was red, his voice was a growl and I swear smoke was coming out of his ears!

But was he angry?  No way!

“I am not angry!” he thundered turning that clearly enraged visage in my direction.






Ooo…kay, right!





And then there is always this one: 

“I’m feeling some anger,"  she admitted meekly, “but…I’m not sure if it’s fair of me…”

FAIR?

And finally:

How many people do you know whose default setting – their 'go to' response to just about anything – is anger?

How did this emotion get so befuddled? 

Is it okay to feel?

To act on?

And if so, how?

What’s your temperature setting on this one?
         
Cool?
          Medium?
                                 Hot?


What do ya say?  How do you handle anger?

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SUNDAY SMILES – THE SURPRISING TRUTH ABOUT HUGE EARS…

So I was listening to this older guy talk and I was fascinated by his ears…

Have  you ever wondered  whether ears actually get bigger as we age  - or is it just that our heads shrink…

I obviously I had to find out more about this! 

Check out this answer by Dr. Arthur Perry, MD.:

“…scientists in Italy have confirmed - ears actually do grow as we age. ..

Bones, stop growing after puberty and muscle and fat cells also stop dividing. But cartilage - that’s the plastic-like stuff in ears and noses - cartilage continues to grow until the day you die.

Not only does cartilage grow, but the earlobes elongate from gravity. And that makes ears look even larger.”     read more

YIKES!

Long hair anyone?


What do ya say?  Ever wondered about this one?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING – 3 SURPRISING STEPS TO PERK UP YOUR BACKSLIDING

How do we get set up to believe it should all go in one direction – uphill?

Ever heard any of these:

“You’re an A student.  You should be getting all A’s!”

“You finally lost those 10 pounds and then you ruined it all by gaining  back two!”

“You missed a whole week at the gym!  You’ve destroyed everything!”

When we ‘backslide’ we tend to engage our internal Bully.

This automatically sets up a reaction.

Our Rebel Voice says:  “Up yours!  You have a problem with what I’ve done?  See if you like this!” as it really heads downhill…

And our internal Victim Voice whines and moans about its incompetence as it passive/aggressively heads deeper into failure.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

Graceful backsliding in 3 easy steps:

1)  Create or resurrect your loving, compassionate (Comp) voice.

2)  Engage your Comp Voice.

3)   Practice this voice until it becomes second nature!

This voice is the counter balance to your Bully Voice.

The Bully growls
The Comp purrs

What does your Comp Voice look like?  

Choose an image that is easy to hold onto and download it into a very accessible mental file.

Create an audio clip of this voice.
It might say:

“Hang in there!  You can do it!”
                Or
“No big deal.  That was yesterday’s news.  You get to start again today!”


Keep your Comp Voice handy and any time your Bully starts in on you screaming “failure alert!” access your Comp Voice! 

Check it out and let us know what happens.

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THE IMPORTANCE OF WALKING BACKWARDS

We don’t walk in straight lines – even when we think we do!

Life’s 'cha cha' steps - its rhythm - is:

Forward   Forward   Back Back Back

And as long as we recognize and accept this, it’s all good.




It’s when we buy into the fairy tale of straight lines –

Forward   Forward   Forward   Forward   Forward

That’s when we get royally F’d!

Whoops!  Did I say that?

Yikes.

But seriously, think about it.

How often have you found yourself taking those ‘back steps’ and then given up because your expectations and reality had a major CRASH!

Can you let go of those unreal expectations?

WHAT DO YA SAY?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING – DO YOU LIVE IN A BOX?

Labels are endemic in all societies.  Perhaps because the categories they create help us sort reality?

We know what to expect when we say:

He’s old
She’s crippled
He’s mentally ill
She’s fat…

By categorizing people in this way we set up expectations – and then, sadly, sometimes miss anything that doesn’t fit into the box!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

What are some of the boxes you live in?  Who created these boxes for you? 


Make a list of 5 words you use to label yourself.

Can you remember the first time you thought, “Oh, I’m__________”

What do you imagine would happen if you gave up these labels?


Here’s a fun experiment to try:

Think about one of your labels – it might have to do with:
           
            Intelligence
            Appearance
            Age
            Infirmity
            Personality…

Now imagine writing these words on a gigantic sheet of white paper.  (yes, paper!  Not your electronic devise!)

Now see the image that goes with the words.  Both words and image are in black – very black – ink.

As you stare at the paper - breathing deeply – the ink begins to fade…

Keep breathing and watch it become grey…

How do you feel as this happens?

You can stop this operation at any stage you want – OR NOT!

If you’re ready, allow the word – and the image that goes with it – to fade completely…


Now you are faced with a pristine, totally open sheet of paper.

What do you consciously want to put on it?
           

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