SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT DOES 'LATE' MEAN?

A cab driver told a story about driving a lady to the airport. She was stressing about being late for her flight and indeed she missed it. 

That plane later crashed killing all on board…

Fate?  Perhaps…

One of my Anthropology professors, a man named Dr. Patrick Gallagher, used to say:  "You can never be late until you get there - and then you're there!"

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS          An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

IS LATE OKAY?

Ask yourself these questions:

+Who am I affecting with my timing?

+What is my agreement/contract with that person?

+Who is making the rules?

+Am I agreeing to the rules or saying 'yes' and acting 'no'?

+Is my timing an emotional response to something?

+Am I dealing with fear or anger?

And finally:

Am I doing something I want to do or dragging my heels because I really don't want to?

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LATE MUCH?

What's your excuse?

The traffic?

Alarm didn't go off?

Boss needed you?

Emergency at _____?

Couldn't find the______?

And there's always that old stand-by, "The dog ate my homework… and I had to glue it back together!

Yeah, sure.

What do ya say?

What's your excuse?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - RUNNING AWAY?

What is it we run away from when something bad happens?

Why do others push us to get back on that horse we just fell off of - immediately?

Think about this one:

How many times have you seen a recently divorced person hook up with a close to exact replica of his ex?

Our task is to step back from the 'accident' and learn from it!

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

How do we find that sweet spot - the balance between running from our experiences or wallowing in them?

Try this:  After a knock-out punch ask yourself these questions:

What's the take away from this experience?

What have I learned about myself and who I am?

What in this experience makes me stronger (not tougher, stronger!)?

Is there a way this can increase my ability to feel compassion?

If the answer to this last question is 'no' it probably means that your inner Bully is on the rampage - putting you through torment.

To check if your Bully is present look for these statements:

          "Look what you did!

          "You fool!"

          "How could you!"

          "That was really stupid!"

To release this exaggerate that voice until you laugh or

Have a dialog between your Bully and your Inner Best Friend - the one who has not only your back, but also your best interest!

Now, step back and breathe.

You are in a powerful process of learning!

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COMPOUND INTEREST

Here's one I see a lot:

Something bad happens …

You know, one of those unfortunate life events:

          A break-up

          A financial crisis

          A lost job

          Even a death…

And sometimes several in a row...

So, what happens?

We are encouraged - even instructed - to move right on, keep rolling, get up and get going…

Now, we can all understand where those mandates come from - we are afraid of getting stuck, mired down in sadness or grief…

But

Humans are meant to catch their breath - to heal.

When we keep rolling we tend to compound the negative feelings - rolling them over into the dough of our on-going existence and not ever realizing why we continue to feel so bad!

What do ya say?

Do you allow yourself a time-out after a crash?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SHHHH?

Ever hear someone screech at a scary moment in the movies?

How about talking out loud?

In my grandparents time it was considered normal to talk back to the big screen and even sing along … and of course we encourage it at sporting events…

And what about those cell phone conversations that seem to take over our streets these days?

Where do you think the balance is - or should be - between taking care of ourselves and taking a dump on others?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

Make a list of all the things that others do in relation to sound that feels like it impinges on your 'space'.

What do you find?

What types of things are annoying to you?

Now think about the times you make sounds in public that others might find invasive.  (No!  We are not referring to that accidental eruption in the elevator!  That one is clearly a  'no-no'!)

What's on this list?

Now think about the times you control yourself in public that might actually be non-invasive:

A laugh?

A song?

A deep breath?

How about in private?

Where's the balance for you?

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GRUNTING AND GROANING

Check this out:

A study showed that tennis players who grunted when serving hit the ball 5mph faster than if they had remained silent….  This is thought to be due to the exhaling that occurs during grunting, which gives muscles more power and stability.

Researchers believe there may also be a mental component, as grunting may help players
motivate themselves. . read more

Most of us grew up being instructed to 'keep it down', learning to hold our breaths and any of those supposedly improper sounds that come with even deep sighs…

What do ya say?   

When's the last time you let out a good groan or grunt in a challenging situation?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TIME-FRAMES

What happens to others in our circles when we change?

Why might they have trouble with the concept?

If we think about our connections to others as being part of a movie, we can see clearly that if we change one scene or one character, it is logical that the total movie changes!

Our repositioning requires that the others in our movie also change.  If they don't shift, than the entire picture is out of kilter and can feel uncomfortable to them.  This often requires them to acknowledge their own stuckness. 

Another reason for the discomfort others feel with our changes is that it can make them feel out of control.  The world they had neatly cataloged and stored is suddenly different.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

TRY THIS EXERCISE:

Think of situations - or people - in your life where either you or they changed unexpectedly ....

How did you/they react? 

Supportive?

Helpful?

Dismissive?

Contemptuous?

Mocking?

How did you/they feel?

Angry?

Jealous?

Inadequate?

Lost?

Confused?

Happy?

What do you think it would take to accept and maybe even embrace the change?

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FROZEN IN TIME

"You know," she said, "I didn't think it mattered what time I arrived, since you are always late."

Hmmm… Interesting logic…  It's true, I used to be late…

And here's another one:

"I'd love to come visit," he said, "but you know what a terrible housekeeper you are!  All those dust bunnies are too much for me…

Ookaay…

I hadn't seen this guy in 20 - yes 20 - years!

So what's this about?

Were they making poor excuses for their own decisions or…

even more scary … were they unable to fathom the concept that people change?

What do ya say?

Do you keep your picture of people locked in a time freeze?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE VALUE OF A GOOD SQUIRM

What's a squirm moment?

The opposite of being in your comfort zone.

Check out this definition:

Squirm:  Wriggle or twist the body from side to side especially as a result of nervousness or discomfort…

Synonyms:  Wriggle, slither, slide, flounder…

Why do you think this might be valuable?

Here's  a hint - these moments of discomfort, uncertainty and open-endedness are the very times that our change receptors are the most sensitive and our blocks to transformation are the least formidable…

So, while our natural inclination is to shy away, another way of approaching these moments is to embrace the opportunity!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

EMBRACING THE SQUIRM…

Interestingly a lot of new learning is predicated on the squirm moment! And often the more a person embraces the experience the greater the result…

Let yourself feel the squirm - it's not necessarily bad!

Tell yourself that it is okay to be uncomfortable in a situation - this type of discomfort is an important aspect of new learning.

Breathe into the experience - we have a tendency to hold our breaths when we feel squirmy!

Try some fun visualizations - maybe see yourself as a silk worm starting to squiggle its way out of its restrictive cocoon…

Imagine the squirm turning into a dance…

Movement is the name of the game - to squirm is an attempt to find a new position …

 

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SQUIRM MOMENTS

"I keep trying," he was explaining in the most logical, calm, reasonable tone of voice…

"But no matter how much effort I put into it," he continued, "something always comes along to throw me off my game…

"… if not today, then tomorrow or the next day…"

"POW!  There I am in a squirm moment!"

What do ya say?

Don't you just hate it when you're off your game?

Out of your comfort zone?

In one of those 'squirm' moments?

To comment click below and let us know what you think~