Wednesday, August 21, 2013


Very few of us got the perfect parenting we craved – close maybe but it seems there are always those emotional injuries of childhood – those missing pieces. 

Maybe it’s because our parents didn’t get exactly what they needed …

We can hold onto this imperfection with our anger, or using denial pretend that everything was perfect, or we can confront our feelings and work our way through them to a very liberating and powerful position.

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...


This is the perfect opportunity to release that stockpiled anger and resentment by using the ‘hot seat’. 

Remember ‘hot seat’ work is accomplished by setting up two chairs.  You sit in one and imagine the person you are talking to in the other. 

If this isn’t something you are comfortable with, use your two hands to represent person one (you) and person two (them). 

Try three different scenarios:

1)      In this first one really get into the blame. 

You:  “It’s all your fault… You ruined my life!”  Go for it and really exaggerate.

Now have the person in the empty chair grovel.  Again really exaggerate!

How do you feel doing this?

2)    This time, once again you go into the heavy blaming, but now let the person in the empty chair point their finger at you and tell you it really was all your fault!

How does this one feel?

3)     Finally, and this is the ‘shift’ - this time talk about your feelings! 

You:  I am angry at what you did.

I am angry I didn’t get what I wanted and needed. 

And this time let the empty chair say the words you’d like to hear: 

“I’m sorry too.  I wish I could have given you more of what you needed.”

What happens this time?

With the shift that occurs in Step 3 you are creating a parallel healing universe for yourself. 

Some of you are fortunate enough to actually be part of a family where this dialog can happen in reality

For the rest of us, even the imaginary dialog is liberating.  Remember our minds are incredibly powerful and if we allow them – and aide them – our natural inclination is to heal!

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