Friday, July 12, 2013


How did we learn to show our best ‘face’ to outsiders and give those we are closest to second best? 

There is some thought that this behavior was a survival mechanism that might have begun at a time of scarcity.  

Showing off material success to outsiders was a way to create status in our communities.

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Think about this very interesting quirk of saving the ‘best’ of what we have and who we are, for those we are least close to.  
Does it make any sense?

How many times have you thought or said:

“Oh, it’s okay, I don’t have to____________ , it’s just family?
          Be polite
          Watch my manners
          Worry about what I’m wearing
          Be careful of what I say
          Clean the house
          Fix a nice meal
          Set the table
         Close the bathroom door …
         And I think you know the rest of this list, right?

Think about the theory behind this one!  Guests count more – deserve more – than the people you are closest to!  Yikes!

Imagine, just for a moment, reversing this policy! Go back to that list...  What would happen if you saved the best for those you are most intimate with…

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  1. I think this is a really interesting topic.

    Just last week, I noticed this effect when I met a lot of new people on a theater retreat. I felt compelled to be extremely present, always listening and aware. It actually made me feel better about myself because I couldn't fall back into bad habits that I usually allow myself.

    Another potential explanation for this phenomenon is that it's easier to maintain one's "A-game" for shorter periods of time. The level of effort required to maintain this "best self" can seem too demanding if one believes they must maintain it for extended periods of time, such as when one's closest family is about.

    1. LOL! Well, firstly, I wrote my comment to the last blog post just minutes ago, so, sorry that my comment is kinda just a repeat of Carol's intro to this one!

      And, secondly, I like the point you make in the above comment... I think it certainly may be because the "A-game" is so tough to maintain!

  2. No worries! I love reading these comments! And as for the difficulty of maintaining the "A game" - sounds like a great segue into another "storyline" - Watch this spot for future "A-game" stories!