SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - 'TELLS'

We all have a really difficult time with that feeling of being taken by surprise by someone else's behavior - shocked that we didn't see it coming.

Good poker players pay attention to 'tells' - those little behavioral give-aways that predict an opponent's next move.

In our interactions with others there are also 'tells' and the better we get at reading them the less we feel thrown off our own game.

Often we erase our observation of these predictive signs of behavior because we don't want to face an unpleasant reality, but seeing it like it is  - or, most likely, is going to be - is actually a healthy way of dealing with the world - and it's always possible that we will be pleasantly surprised if our read is wrong!

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CATCHING EMOTIONAL 'TELLS'

In reality we all have the ability to read others pretty well - sometimes we just need a little refresher course…

Think about the behaviors that you see in the people around you that tend to be repetitive and predictive of their behavior…

Imagine that you are a detective on a case and looking for clues… without realizing it, you probably have a pretty good skill set just by the virtue of time spent around others and observation…

(The famous Miss Marple from the Agatha Cristi mysteries always figured it out - and claimed that it was just a matter of paying attention to behavior that she'd seen before…)

Here's a list of some well known 'tells':

Changes in breathing

Fidgeting

Facial expressions

Tone of voice

Nervous tics

Lip pursing

Shift in gaze

Repetition

These 'tells' clue you to the fact that something is going on - paying attention to what happens next and then seeing and accepting the pattern - makes life easier!

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SHH! DON'T TELL!

"Ever notice," this guy asked me, "how people sometimes accuse you of doing things they do… and you don't?"

He was really exasperated as he continued talking...

"'Don't tell anyone!' my friend demanded for the fourth time in this really insipid conversation we were having…"

"'This is really confidential!' she said - AGAIN!"

"Well, yeah," he was really annoyed as he continued…

"If you say 'don't tell' I assume it is confidential…"

"So how come," he asked looking straight at me, "four different people I ran into that day repeated her 'confidential' junk to me… and said they heard it from her?  And how come they added a 'by the way, she told me you said…'?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I didn't repeat 'confidential' enough times?  Is four the magic number?"

What do ya say?

Ever fall into this one?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO ARE YOU REALLY COMPETING WITH?

Why do siblings compete?

Why isn't there enough for everyone?

Is it our parents fault or a natural survival instinct that makes us react like this?

Is it really important to know how we got this way?

Maybe recognizing the starting place allows us to move on…

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RELEASING THE CHAINS OF SIBLING RIVALRY

Try asking yourself these questions:

What was the role of competition in my birth family?

What was my position in relation to competition in our family?

Am I still acting in this same role with the people in my life today?

Is competition okay for me today?

Is it a choice I'm making?

Do I feel controlled or in control in competitive situations?

Am I reacting or acting?                                                                                  

How aware am I about what is going on?

Does my behavior make me feel empowered or weakened?

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COMPETITIVE? NAH…

"Take him back!  Take him back!"

"WE DON'T NEED HIM!"

Can you guess the back story on this one? 

Yup, it's kid #1 reacting to Mommy and the new baby returning from the hospital…

So, what does this historical moment have to do with you today?

Well, if you were that #1 child you might want to check out the way you handle competition… 

and if you were child #2…

Ever find yourself feeling inadequate?

Trying too hard?

What do ya say?

If the shoe fits…

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TIME OUT?

So many of our human myths and fables are about hibernation during the winter months - really hiding out and going on a low setting - 

Remember the Greek myths of Persephone and Demeter?

In the Navaho culture certain tales are only meant to be listened to in the winter.  check out Coyote and Lizard

And then there's our fascination with those hibernating bears…

In our modern societies we fight this natural inclination to shut down in the cold, dark time of year.

What do you imagine would happen if we embraced winter as a time of rest and renewal -  a time to slow down, breathe deeply and lay the ground work for our emotional Spring?

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

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WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU IMAGINE ACCEPTING WINTER AS A TIME TO CREATE CALM…

Try this experiment:

Take a moment and go 'inside' with intention!

Breathe deeply, and as you do feel a sense of calm and peace circulating throughout you entire being…

This might be a time for 'awake dreaming' those floaty, magical moments when we move into a non- doing realm and just drift…

Winter is a wonderful time for story telling, for lighting candles, reading, meditation…

A time for slowing down, watching the snow fall, enjoying the earth's moment of rest and making it your own…

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WINTER WEATHER WOES

Ever watch a seagull flying backwards in a strong gust of wind, furiously flapping its little wings - and going nowhere?

It does manage to stay afloat, though…

Hmmm…

Lots of that going around this winter…

What do ya say?  Can you relate?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - USE IT, DON'T LOSE IT!

What can you do with negative feelings if you don't dump them on others?

Use them to evolve!  Sound strange?

Think about it…

Where ever that anger wells up is a sore point and…

Sore points need healing, right?

Interesting way to look at it…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

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IMAGINE YOU COULD USE YOUR ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY INSTEAD OF DUMPING IT ON OTHERS…

Try this very simple experiment:

Imagine a dialog with the person or situation you're angry with (Yup!  You can talk to a situation… Remember, this is all about using your imagination!)

Get into it and really rant and rave.

Now change places.  Respond as that other person or situation.  What happens when you 'become' the other.

Switching positions tends to be pretty mind expanding for all of us!

What do you discover?

You always know you've succeeded in this 'project' if you start laughing or feel your breathing deepen and expand!

Go for it!

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YIKES! TOXIC WASTE…

"Sometimes," she sighed, "I feel like I should walk through the world in a hazmat suit!"

Was she talking about chemical contamination?

Nope!

"It's all these highly toxic people," she continued.  

"Why do they think I want to hear all their ranting, complaining and anger?"

"I mean, seriously, life is challenging enough without getting slimed…Ick!"

What do ya say?

Know what she was talking about?

You don't do that to other people, right?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?

Who makes up your definitions of who you are in the world?  How do you think your personal 'identity card' gets created?

Of course, in the beginning, we are defined by those original beings that make up our environment.  Then the portrait gets expanded by teachers and peers…

It's easy to think, 'this is who I am', but in reality this portrait is not sculpted in stone and you can chisel off the parts that don't really fit!

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WHAT DO YOU GET FROM HANGING ONTO THAT OLD 'SELF PORTRAIT'?

There is a belief that we hold onto things for a reason - even if it doesn't seem to make sense.  Sometimes it's just the comfort level that something that's been around forever creates… sometimes it's the fear of that famous unknown…

Check out these questions:

What do you imagine would happen if you threw away (and yes, you can!) the parts of the self definition you've been walking around with forever that might not really fit?

Think about some of the words that have been part of your self image and try shifting them to words that might feel better….

Allow yourself to try out your shifted self definition.

In your minds eye, create this alternate image of your new reality…

Now take a minute to think about how your life might change? 

Actually imagine yourself spending a day this way.  What happens?

How does this feel?

What about the current people in your life? 

How would they react?

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These tiny moments in time help you focus on what you want … Could we call them quickie ventures into the magical world of hypnosis…  perhaps?

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DEFINING MOMENTS? SEZ WHO?

"Nobody likes me," he said and then proceeded to enumerate all the ways he could back up this extreme statement - and of course he was right… according to his proof….

Interesting.

Here's another one:

"I'm a bad daughter," she declared - and again, correct… according to her rather rigid and distorted set of parameters...

What do ya say?

Do you get this one?

How do you define yourself?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

Check out our MP3  'Mini-Medi's' - these tiny moments in time help you focus on what you want … could we call them quickie ventures into the magical world of hypnosis…  perhaps…

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE ART OF FALLING

The very first lesson our Chinese Martial Arts instructor taught us was how to fall…

And the very first lesson our German ski instructor taught us was… how to fall.

Interesting convergence of wisdom East and West…

If you are in the sport you have to develop the ability to fall! 

Here's an interesting way to think about it:  Momentum, especially forward momentum, comes with an equal pull of gravity…

To survive and thrive, part of our job is to gracefully fall and rebound.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

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…ALL FALL DOWN?

So what are some survival strategies when it feels like the life tsunami hits?  Check out these possibilities…

Revert to age two and throw up your hands in the air, stomp and scream. 

Or…

Take a page from the book of your favorite sailor and swear up a blue storm, creatively of course…

And then there's always…

Kick something inanimate…

The idea here is to do something - short term - to relieve some of the anger we feel when it all falls apart - giving yourself permission to feel the frustration and release it.

The next step is to find a way to mentally separate the elements that you need to deal with so that it doesn't feel like you are under an earth slide. 

Make a list with priorities and give yourself a gold star each time you deal with something even if it isn't completed. 

When things go off kilter we tend to give ourselves a hard time on top of everything else - to have our internal bully voices triggered. 

We need to balance this by invoking our inner BFF to pat us on the back and smile at even the tiny steps forward - it's how we build that momentum again!

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And check out our newest adventure:  'Mini-Medi's' - tiny moments in time to help you focus on what you want … perhaps better described as quickie ventures into the magical world of hypnosis…  www.cdbaby.com/artist/carolshapiro