SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE EYE OF THE OBSERVER

What is objective feedback?  Does it really exist, or do we always have an agenda - whether we are aware of it or not…

The early Cultural Anthropologists would go into other cultures and describe them, their behavior, their religions, the social systems that governed these groups - sure that what they were seeing was exactly what was there…

Years later they began to realize that none of these descriptions were truly objective!

The researchers' personalities, cultural orientations, social status and life experiences were coloring what they were able to perceive!

The gift of later anthropologists was highlighting and exposing the impact of the observer in what is 'observed'…

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 DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

HAVING A HORSE IN THE RACE…

1)  Ask yourself what difference it actually makes to you what the other person chooses to do.

2)  What would happen to you, and how would you feel, if they don't listen to you?

3)  How about if they do listen?

We often create tension for ourselves with our hidden agendas, which can lead us to push others.  If we understand what's behind it - for us - we can more easily deal with the situation.  

What does it mean to have a horse in the race?  It means that we have a personal need for compliance - to win...

Two more fun ways to join our Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com  

(check out the SHOP page for meditation audio clips!)

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"

DO YOU HAVE A HORSE IN THE RACE?

"I was really objective… no ulterior motive at all, other than my friend's welfare…"

"I just told her what I thought about what she was doing… I mean, isn't it good to give a friend feedback ...Especially when you're just thinking about their best interest?"

The speaker was tense.  He had been giving 'really good advice' and couldn't understand why he was getting a hefty dose of push back.

After all, he didn't have a horse in that race… or did he?

What do ya say?

Ever get caught in this one?

Two fun ways to join our Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com

Check out the SHOP page for meditation audio clips!

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DOWN DAYS

What's behind those down days? 

Bad weather, tiredness, too long 'til your next vacation?

Sometimes it's really as simple as that, and a good kvetch (don't know what this is?  See 'Kvetching 101'), takes care of it…

Often we panic on those down days, feeling like there is something really wrong with us…

Whoever said everyday has to be sunny?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON…

Sometimes, of course, we can't blame it on the weather, and then doing a little detective work to find the real cause of our 'down' is the remedy.

TRY THESE SIMPLE STEPS:

1)  Release the tension.

          Kvetch

          Cry

          Pound a pillow

          Do 3 minutes of deep breathing

2)  Check for your Inner Bully voice.

          "Bad, bad bad!"

          "It's your fault!"

          "You deserve it!"

          "You didn't listen!"

          "They all hate you…"

You get the drift.  Your Inner Bully is scolding you for something and making you feel awful!

3)  Check for 'Bullies in the Bush'.

These are those external bullies who might have dropped a nasty in your direction.  Any scolding from others - overt or implied - fits this category.

4)  Fight back.

Have an imaginary dialog with whoever is giving you a bad time.  Tell them to back off!  Really ham it up!  This one is between you and the walls so go for it.

Remember you are looking to release tension.

5)  Give yourself a gold star for effort.
Feel that pat on the back as you smile and wink at yourself in the mirror.
     

      

Three great ways to join our Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu5Zy_D2HQiRm6l7A14jOWg

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"

KVETCHING 101

Having a really down day?

Maybe one of those 'everything you have planned goes kaplooyee' days?

Feeling lonely and blue?

Dumpy and down?

Center of gravity around your toes?

Give yourself a break!

Check for your probably scolding inner Bully - the  'it's all your fault and your bad choices' voice…

And have yourself a really good kvetch!

"Aiii is me..."

"Woe is me..."

"Poor me..."

IT ONLY WORKS IF YOU GO FOR IT TILL YOU LAUGH!

What do ya say?

Can you laugh away a rotten day?

Three great ways to join the Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu5Zy_D2HQiRm6l7A14jOWg

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"

SUNDAY SMILES

PLEASE JOIN US FOR EPISODE II OF . . .

     BEAT THE BULLY

JUST CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW AND LAUGH WITH US... 

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!" Episode II

AS THE HUMAN DANCE PLAYERS ONCE AGAIN GET IT ON...YOUTUBE

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LOOKING FOR FORMULAS

All those formulas - the 'this means that' of our lives - are inviting because they create an illusion of predictability.

Our lives have so many unknowns that we are sorely tempted to buy into and believe these promises of certainty: 

If her arms are crossed it means x.

If he has a college degree is means y.

If she comes from a certain part of the country…

You get the idea.  We often search for road maps which we believe can give us control - over ourselves, over others, over the circumstances of our lives.

The problems arise when we use these formulas to obscure reality, substituting them for the actual evidence of our eyes and ears.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

THE LURE OF FORMULAS

Here are some interesting questions to ask yourself:

Do you get annoyed when people try to tell you who you are and what you're feeling - or do you like it?

How do these characterizations make you feel? 

How do you react?

Do you feel trapped?

Or do you feel comforted that you are being defined by someone else?

Does it depend on the person doing the defining?

Are you tempted to put others into relatively tight boxes, using aspects of what you see to define them and predict their behavior?

How do these characterizations make you feel?

What are the factors you use to define others?

How many times have you accepted or rejected someone based on this?

When you look back over the past, have your definitions of others been useful or limiting?    

Three great ways to join the Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu5Zy_D2HQiRm6l7A14jOWg

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"

ONE SIZE FITS ALL…

"So," he said, "we were sitting there trying to have a discussion but then she crossed her arms across her chest - and you know what that means, right?"

"Hmmm.  Let's see... " 

"She was cold?"  

"Her back hurt and she was supporting her spinal column?"  

"She had a stomach ache?"  

"It was a comfortable way to sit?"  

"She was perhaps, supporting, let's say uplifting, a not to be mentioned part of her anatomy?"

"NO!"  He insisted.

"Don't you pay attention to all those things about body language?   

He was seriously disappointed in my lack of psych smarts…

How could I be so obtuse? 

Obviously, crossed arms meant one thing and one thing only!

What do ya say?

Are we all really so predictable?

Three great ways to join the Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu5Zy_D2HQiRm6l7A14jOWg

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THOSE PERFECT RESPONSES

Our need to always respond perfectly and appropriately probably comes from our hereditary desire not to get caught - and eaten - by those lurking predators with large teeth…

However, that primitive choice between fight or flight became more complicated - and therefore less automatic - as words became our major tools in difficult situations.

Fight or flight was immediate.  Hearing what is said to us, processing it, and deciding on the 'perfect' response, particularly in those challenging situations takes a few extra steps…

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

EVER CATCH YOURSELF RESPONDING TO A SITUATION BY:

          1)  Saying something stupid?

          2)  Not saying anything at all?

          3)  Telling yourself all the things you could have/should have said - long after the event is over?

IF YOU'RE HUMAN …YOU'VE BEEN THERE!

SO, HERE'S A NEW PLAN OF ATTACK:

          1)  Assume that you will say something stupid sometimes.

          2)  Assume you won't say anything at all sometimes.

          3)  Tell yourself that these two responses are really normal and it's okay to imagine all the perfect things you could have said after the event...

Instead of berating yourself think of it as a rehearsal…

Three great ways to join the Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu5Zy_D2HQiRm6l7A14jOWg

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"

LEARNING TO BE PERFECT…

"So, "she asked, "how would you have handled it?"

She was sure that there was a perfect way to handle the situation - actually any situation - if only she knew what it was…

And there should be, right?

Reminds me of a story:

'A well known and respected shrink, who shall remain unidentified, was going through a tough time back in his training days.  His teacher, an even more famous and well known person, who had been lecturing about how to respond appropriately to difficult situations, couldn't miss the slumped shoulders and depressed face of his student and asked him what seemed to be the problem.

"Well," responded our 'then learning to be a wise person' friend, "earlier today I got into a really baaad fight with my wife…"

"Ah," replied the very unruffled teacher soothingly, thinking he had a perfect teaching opportunity,  "That is only human." 

(You can just hear his gentle, rational tone, right?)

"Anger," he continued in his comforting voice, "is a natural feeling and an experience we all have…"

"Yes," responded our sage-in-training, "but we were in the garage when it happened and I picked up a rather large tool and chased her around the room…"

As his no longer composed teacher and the other students stared at him in horror, he jumped up, pumping his fist in the air. 

"Gotcha!" he yelled smugly with a giant grin on his face.

And the moral of this story:

None of us are perfect and we all get caught with our pants down a time or two…

What do ya say?

 Been there?

Three great ways to join the Human Dance party:

www.thehumandance.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu5Zy_D2HQiRm6l7A14jOWg

The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!"