INEVITABLE ENDINGS...

We were gone last week because of a death in our family - something that we all face in our lifetimes.  



There are many ways to deal with loss and it is something that all humans struggle with... we want to approach this state with dignity and grace... 

some days we succeed more so than others...  

We would like to share one of our favorite quotes about death:

"An awareness and understanding of death raises our state of life.  When we are cognizant of the reality and inevitability of death we begin to seek the eternal, and become determined to make the most valuable use of each moment of life."
                                                                          read more thoughts on loss and death

and another...

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ALWAYS…

"She's always late, so I figured it didn't matter what time we showed up…"

Hmmm…

"He always loved pasta so when I invited him for dinner I made a huge pasta…"

Hmmm again…

Can you guess where this one is going?

The above referenced - the late lady and the pasta man - used to be late and used to love pasta…

Used to!

What do ya say?

Do you allow the people you know to change over time - or do you keep them stuck in a time warp?

To comment click below

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE TRICKSTER IN YOU

In almost every culture we find the concept of the 'Trickster'. 

The great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung described this as the universal force or pattern within the mind that explains - and allows for - the irrational, unpredictable and chaotic side of human nature.  read more

Perhaps this part of us is most easily understood by our modern expression 'thinking outside the box'.

The trickster is the part of us that creates balance for the analytical and logical component of our minds.  It's the aspect of our persona that allows us to play, be silly, lighthearted and nonsensical. read more

The trickster suggests that reason must be complemented by unreason if it is to achieve its full potential.  Here's a perfect example:      

'When Jonas Salk was researching the polio vaccine that would bear his name, he decided to distance himself from his work for a short period by going to the monastery of Assisi in Italy. Salk had a keen interest in architecture, and his encounter with the shapes and spaces, light, materials, colours, and the history of this monastery had a profound impact on his mind and spirit. Salk became highly energised. "Under the influence," he later recalled, "I intuitively designed the research that I felt would result in the desired vaccine. I returned to my laboratory in Pittsburgh to validate my concepts and found that they were indeed correct!"

Throughout history researchers often have achieved success only when they allowed play and other distractions to mingle with the intellect — in other words, when they have invited the Trickster to come out to play.'  more

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

OWN YOUR INNER TRICKSTER

Most of us do play this role from time to time.  Sometimes we feel guilty about it, other times we get a kick out of being 'bad'...  

If we tune into the concept that this part of us has a positive purpose in our lives we can begin to use it more consciously. 

Feeling stuck?

Access your inner trickster!

*  Think of a situation where you felt bogged down and unable to see any way forward.

*  Now imagine you could access the Trickster part of you… go for silly, contrary, playful and irrational. 

*  You can act out this role in reality or in fantasy. 

*  Imagine you are a clown, or that wonderful Coyote in the Native American stories.  http://www.native-languages.org/legends-coyote.htm

*  Let yourself really get into this.  Use your voice, your body movements, facial expressions…

You are letting yourself counter-balance the limitations you are feeling by stretching - for the moment - into something totally different. 

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THE SNEEZE STEALER

Ever notice how when you've got that intense desire to sneeze and someone goes 'AH CHOO!' your very own, just- about-to-explode sneeze is…gone?

What's that about?

It's not as if you think to yourself,' Gee that was better than anything I could do, so why bother', right?

Something like how it feels when someone 'steals your thunder'… Hmmm…

That couldn't be it, could it?

Naaa… maybe they just scared the sneeze out of you…

What do ya say?

Have you tried doing this to someone else?

Let's be real… it's fun, right?  Maybe about age 7?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SEE IT AND DO IT!

Ever think about how much of what you do has been learned through observation?

Without realizing it we pay attention to the behavior of others, we retain the images, are motivated by the end product and at some point down the line, copy the behavior.  read more

Think about how young children watch those around them - adults, other children - and then copy their behavior: facial expressions, walking, playing games to name a few.

Later we learn 'Do and Do Not' school behavior by watching the students around us and the results they get.

What's the difference between observational learning and imitation?  Usually with observational learning we put the behavior into action sometime after the actual 'viewing'.

All this goes to the point of how important it is who we choose to spend time around!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

PUT IT IN ACTION!

1)  Think about some of your behaviors you'd like to change or enhance.

2)   Now think about whether you know or have observed anyone doing these things in ways closer to what you'd like.

3)  If no one comes to mind keep your eyes open for new examples.

4)  Replay the 'movie' in your mind of that enhanced behavior.  Imagine you are absorbing this behavior almost as if you could step into the shoes of your model.

5)  Let the upgraded changed behavior become your new default position.  How does this feel?

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TRY IT! YOU MIGHT LIKE IT…

"So," the somewhat large woman began her story, "I was watching this really skinny little girl eating a doughnut yesterday…"

"It was amazing…"

"First she stared at it as if she were looking at a brand new species of - something!"

"She turned it this way and that and finally - I mean time-lag finally - opened her little mouth as wide as it seemed to go and took a bite."

"Phew!  I don't know about her, but I was relieved."

"Then she chewed… and chewed… looking dreamily into space."

"At last her focus was once again on that be-sprinkled doughnut.  She rotated it, seemingly looking for the next perfect bite-site."

"After that second bite, she was done… seriously… finito!"

"Now what I'm wondering," she looked at me intensely as she asked her question. "Do you think I could possibly channel that little girl next time I sit down to eat?"

What do ya say?

Ever hear of Observational Learning?

To comment click below…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DANCING WITH GRAVITY

Defying gravity doesn't make sense for most of us.  

We can dance with it, but we need to leave the defying part to the great dancers, read more acrobats, and astronauts of this world.

For the rest of us, our task is to take gravity into account - not try to break its hold on us - but not to sink into it either!

If we recognize this force in our world, both the physical and the emotional pull, we can take care of ourselves in a realistic way with realistic and therefore achievable goals.

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

DANCING WITH GRAVITY - A 5 STEP PROGRAM

Step 1)  Awareness

Let yourself experience the downward pulls - the physical ones and the emotional ones.

Step 2)  Acceptance

Yes, there are things and people who get us down.  If you pretend everything is ok when it isn't, it's too hard to take care of yourself.

Step 3)  Gentleness and Support

You can get through most things but way better if you are on your side!  Bullying is highly toxic!

Step 4)  Strategize

If you recognize the downward pull you can create strategies to make it through the down times.  Make several plans and try them out.

Step 5)  Yay You!

To create ongoing success you have to acknowledge your baby steps.  Applause is lovely!

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DEFYING GRAVITY

Ever watch a kangaroo bounce through the air?

For us they often seem the epitome of joy as the leap and bound seemingly ungoverned by gravity…

Gravity?  What a concept!

Can anything hold a kangaroo down?

Check this out:

'Holding a kangaroo's tail off the ground prevents it from being able to jump.'  read more

Interesting thought …

What do ya say?

Remember That great song from 'Wicked'? listen here

What keeps you grounded?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE BIG GOTCHA

Why do people set emotional bear traps?

Perhaps because they're angry and believe the trap is the only way they can get what they want - POWER!

Here's the trap setting modus operandi:

Trappers feel anger which for them equals a loss of power.  This creates frustration and the setting of the trap.  The trapper uses seduction with hints of positive outcomes as the bear is coaxed into the snare… and snap!  GOTCHA!

At this point the trapper experiences a sense of joy often disguised as remorse and feigned surprise at the 'unexpected' whimpering of that poor bear…

And the bear?

The bear wonders what the f*ck happened and how it got into this ridiculous situation!

Bear trapping is a nasty sport!

Obviously, it hurts the bear as it's designed to …

But it also limits the emotional expansion of the trapper.

Think about it…

Vengeance and retribution - the ingredients of bear trapping - freeze the ability of the trapper to move past the negative feelings that they are reacting to and keep them trapped in their own morass!

 DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

GETTING OUT OF THE TRAP IN FIVE STEPS

Step 1 - Awareness is the key.

See it for what it is!  Someone is angry at you and instead of having the guts to deal with their anger in a healthy, healing way, they set you up to take a fall - NOT NICE!

Step 2 - Let it go.

So, they got you…  Hey, it was obviously super important to them or they would not have made the effort and truthfully, they are showing you that they are not worth your time and energy!

               

                                 

Step 3 - You can't fix it - so don't try!

                                       

These people are - at least in this part of their lives - stuck at age 3!  If you attempt to reason with them remember who you are talking to - a 3 year old! And how reasonable are they?

Step 4 - Suffering does not help!

They have to figure out a way to resolve their own feelings - you do not help them by suffering!

Step 5 - Pat yourself on the back.

Even if it's after the event, pat yourself on the back for recognizing the game - and be happy that at least you can move on!

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BEAR TRAPPING FOR…

Ever get caught in an emotional bear trap?

Bet you never heard of this one…but if you're like most of us, I bet you've been down this road once or twice!

What is bear trapping?

It is vicious because it's sneaky, deceptive and cruel!

The trap is set with honey:

Seduction, enticement, delusion…

It's designed to lure you into trouble, to entice and entangle and inveigle you with promises of good things to come, all the while preparing to SNAP! as soon as you trustingly step into that spring loaded snare!

What do ya say?

Can you think of a few times you've been lured into a baaad situation?

To comment click below…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ACTING OUT MUCH?

What makes us 'shoot ourselves in the foot'? 

We are not talking about those accidental absolutely unforeseen incidents. 

No, this is about those times that we really, kinda, sorta know that what we are about to do is a guaranteed disaster - or at least a mini-mess.

This behavior is so pervasive that it almost seems like an integral part of our nature…

And perhaps it is?

Maybe this type of rebellion - this breaking of the rules - which we first see around age 2, allows us to create emotional breathing space?

If so, can we find ways to allow this part of our selves to have a voice without creating chaos?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

THE ART OF IMAGINARY ACTING OUT

This part of ourselves - the Imp - can actually be delightful - if we engage it consciously!

TRY THIS:

Next time you feel stuck or bogged down - or even depressed - engage your Imp!

Imagine the most outrageous behavior and let yourself enjoy the fantasy! 

Angry with someone?  Feel you've been done wrong?  In a situation where words are not okay? 

Engage your Imp! 

Visualize yourself doing outrageous, naughty, highly unacceptable behavior. 

Feeling scared, uncertain?  

Do you remember that famous advice for public speakers?  You know, imagining the people in the front row sitting there in their underwear… 

This is the Imp at its best.

Remember:  no one else needs to know why you're smiling and letting things roll off your back!

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THE IMP OF THE PERSERSE - ACT II

There is a wonderful short story called "The Imp of the Perverse" written by 19th century American author Edgar Allan Poe.  

Ever read it?

In the story Poe focuses on the amazingly pervasive and really confounding human self-destructive impulse.   

He calls it The Imp of the Perverse.   

Ever feel it?

Poe describes this as the thing that tempts a person to do something, in Poe's words, "merely because we feel we should not."   read more

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Think spitballs…

Or gossip that you know will come back on you…

Taking too long to respond to an email…

Cheating…

What do ya say?

Can you relate?

Ever shoot yourself in the foot?

To comment click below…