BIRDS DO IT…

No, not that!

This is about that fascinating phenomena we attribute to birds but see all the time in humans…  Fouling or spoiling the nest when it's time to leave.

Here are three stories:

"I just don't get it!  My granddaughter has been such a delight in our lives.  We are there for her 100% and now, suddenly, she acts like we are the devil!  We seem to annoy her constantly… and she is downright mean!"

"My boyfriend has suddenly changed.  He picks fights with me all the time and for things that never bothered him before!  I feel like he wants to break up but when I ask him he looks at me as if I were nuts!"

"This woman has been working for us for years.  I thought we had a good relationship but now she comes to work out of it and angry.  She drops things and breaks things and barely apologizes… I just don't get it!"

What do you think might be the common denominator in all three stories?

A hint:  

The objects of these stories are all dealing with leaving - the city, the job, school, and having a difficult time dealing with it!

What do ya say?

How do you handle saying goodbye?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE HEALING POWER OF LAUGHTER

Did you know that the oldest known joke is dated from 1900 BC? 

read the joke

Why does laughter make us feel better? 

The jury is still out on exactly how it works but we know that laughter increases our breathing and speeds up our heart rate - some have even compared a good bout of laughing to a good physical workout!  It seems it even burns calories!

learn more

In 1976 Norman Cousins published his famous book, "Anatomy of an Illness" documenting his laughter cure from illness by watching hours of Marx brothers comedies!    check it out

What happens to us emotionally when we find the giggle - the tickle in an otherwise dark situation?

One possibility is that we are shifting the focus on how we perceive something.

Comedians often describe their art as turning perception upside down - getting the laugh by exaggerating reality and throwing in the unexpected. 

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Can you allow yourself to see the ridiculous, the ludicrous, to step back and find the laugh?

Take a recent situation that stressed you and that you reacted to with heaviness, feeling down and overwhelmed.

Now imagine that you are a Hollywood screen writer and rewrite the script as a comedy… 

Make sure to include lots of exaggeration, and role reversals and even a few bad jokes!

Take a deep breath and watch your new movie.

How does it make you feel?  Better?

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WASAH MATTAH? CAN'T TAKE A JOKE?

This morning when I stepped on the scale something really scary happened…

The read-out said:  FFFF

I mean is that serious failure, or what?

I jumped off before it tried to hit me and rushed to read the manual…

FFFF = "You have overloaded this scale!"

Okay…

I had been planning a diet anyhow, but gaining 800+ pounds overnight seems a little extreme!

What do ya say?

Ever have a day that starts out like this?

How do you turn it around?

Any ideas?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE 102

What actually is P/A behavior?  

Clearly, it has to do with anger, right?

But anger disguised as incompetence, a mistake, a big 'Whoops!'

The idea of P/A is that the perp gets to act out anger without taking the consequences. 

I am sure you recognize the battle-cry of the P/A: 

"Who me?  Angry?  No way!"

We've been taught that anger is not acceptable, whether it is focused at a specific target or just generic, everyday annoyance.

P/A is the easy out.  Sort of an emotional 'hit and run'.

Those of us on the receiving end hate it because of how sneaky it is.  After all, how can you even think about berating someone who's so … weak?

 DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

CHECK OUT THIS LIST OF P/A BEHAVIOR… CAN YOU SEE THE PATTERN?

Sarcasm

Being late

Saying 'yes' and meaning 'no'

Making promises and not keeping them

Saying 'Oops' and 'Sorry' a lot

Dressing wrong for the occasion

Stepping on someone

Breaking things

Canceling last minute

Giving important info about an event last minute

Saying 'just kidding' after a verbal attack

Asking for 'rain checks' …

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PASSIVE/ AGGRESSIVE - AGAIN?

So, what really is this Passive/Aggressive stuff?

Is it even real?

Listen in to this monologue and see what you think:

"My boyfriend is constantly accusing me of being passive/aggressive, but truthfully, it's only when he doesn't like what I'm doing!"

"I think he's just trying to control me.  You know, like calling me a dirty name…"

What do ya say?

Do you believe in Passive/Aggressive?

Been on the receiving end?

Done it yourself?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - 'BING'!

Find yourself repeating negative patterns again and again? 

You know the types of things we are talking about, right? 

'Bad' habits, addictions, knee-jerk emotional responses, self defeating, long held beliefs about who you are and who you should be… most of us humans do have a list of these stumbling blocks.

If you think of these as behavioral blueprints that have become hardwired rather than just thinking of yourself as 'lazy' or incapable of change, you create a new way of perceiving these patterns. 

They become something that was inserted into the system without your conscious intention. 

Once you recognize this, you open the door to consciously deleting them.  You are not stuck! 

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

FEEL THE 'BING'!

THE TRICK IS: AIA - AWARENESS, INTENTION, ATTENTION!

AWARENESS:  

Make a list of your current behaviors that are not satisfying to you.  These might include:  eating, drinking, interacting with friends, couples behavior, structuring your time, organization at home and work… think about it and decide what you really want to change.

Choose one of these behaviors to focus on.

Now take your awareness up a notch by 'deconstructing' that behavior.  This means 'hearing' the 'BING', the trigger that opens the program where this behavior is stored. 

For example, let's take organization - putting things away or throwing out things you really no longer need. 

Feel the moment when the hardwired 'program' begins… you might be thinking, "Hmmm that’s a lot of stuff.  I could get rid of some of it…" and suddenly you change your mind and decide to leave the mess and go for a walk instead.  

This is the 'BING' moment.  Feel it! 

INTENTION:  

Now ask yourself if you want to continue on default or if you want to change this pattern. 

This step is really crucial. 

Ripping out a hardwired program is challenging.  Without strong INTENTION it is really tricky.  What does intention mean to you?  Perhaps that strong, overriding "I WANT!" that we hear out of the mouths of two year olds?

ATTENTION:  

This is the 'put it in motion' stage of the plan.  

Now you are alert and tuned into the 'BING' you listen for it, feel it, and fight the pull of the old hardwiring. 

You tell yourself, "No, I do not have to be controlled by that old pattern!"  

You allow yourself to stop in your tracks and PAY ATTENTION to the tug of the old and give yourself permission to do the new!         

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TRY ULTIMATE EMPOWERMENT!

Certain of our behaviors become hardwired…

It doesn't really matter how they got encoded…

They are.

If you want to chase down the source, fine.  It's an interesting project. 

Check out:  Genetics, early childhood, school days, first romances…

The list is long.

The really important thing now is how you respond to the 'BING' on your internal computer.

If you can recognize that sound - the call to what has been unconscious action - you can make it conscious, and in the process decide whether you want to override the edict!

Don't expect easy.

That 'BING' has been hardwired after all… BUT… with effort - AWARENESS, INTENTION AND ATTENTION - you can do it!

What do ya say?

Sound intriguing?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - A LITTLE COMPETITIVE?

Where does competition begin?

In our homes with our siblings?  In schools?  Sports teams?

If you're a biologist you would probably answer that it's genetically encoded to guarantee species survival.

What's important to us for healthy emotional survival is the position that we give competition in our lives.

Who do you compete with?  How do you rate your performance? 

What role does competition play in your life?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

TRY ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS TO RATE YOUR COMPETITION IQ:

To help you answer, remember, comparing yourself to others is competition!

1)  How competitive are you?

2)  How does competition affect your relationships?

3)  How does competition affect your self esteem?

4)  How aware are you of how others react to your   competitiveness?

5)  Are you tuned into other people competing with you? 

Friends? partners? office mates? siblings? neighbors? 

How do you feel when they try to out-do you?

6)  Do you push back or let it go?

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HEY! THAT'S MINE!

"So this girl I know," she was explaining, "we used to be friends… Now, she keeps trying to take over things that are mine!"

"She invites MY friends to dinner, copies the way I dress, and even how I talk…"

"You know what I'm saying?" she asked me.

"It's like someone's stepping in my shadow!" she shook her head as she continued.

"I mean, I know people say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery and all, but this is really creeping me out!  She's not just copying me, she wants to take away my things!"

What do ya say?

Sound like anyone you know?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SILENCE IS … WHAT?

So, what's wrong with a little silence?  Why do we need to fill in all the spaces?

People often answer:  anxiety! 

So, what does that have to do with not leaving open space in our conversations, on our walls, in our lives?

Think about it.  We fill in our conversations with unnecessary, gratuitous and often nonsensical sounds, our counters with clutter, the walls in our homes… and how about that constantly blaring tv in the background?

In ancient times people banged drums and created loud sounds to ward off the ever lurking demons…

Perhaps we are trying to ward off our own demons - those ever present, internal Bully voices that might jump into the silence with their incessant criticisms?

Here's an interesting thought:  Attorneys prepping their clients for depositions often advise them to count to ten before responding to any question, creating an easy method of not jumping into that tempting silence…

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

THE PRACTICE OF SILENCE…

Imagine yourself in a special, very safe room that has a 'No Criticism Allowed' rule.

The room is wonderfully peaceful and quiet - no auditory or visual clutter…

As you enter this room, feel yourself becoming light … knowing you are totally safe you begin to float … just enough to drop any weight… it's a very pleasurable feeling…

Breathe deeply and experience the pleasure of being so light… everything is clear … no clutter as you continue to breathe…

If anything intrudes - even a thought - try counting to ten - in rhythm with your breathing - in and out …

Spend a few minutes in this restorative space … it now belongs to you and you can return to its lightness as easily as taking a deep breath…

Allow yourself to return to your present moment feeling lighter and less cluttered…

Nice, right?

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