Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship…Often betrayal is … a complete break from previously decided upon or presumed norms by one party from the others. read more
Why is this such an insidious issue and why does it seem to be so deeply caustic?
One possible answer might be our response to betrayal:
"How could I be so stupid?"
And the often ensuing chorus from friends and family:
"We always knew he/they/ it was bad news!"
So the torment of a broken promise is often highly intensified by the self- castigation that follows:
"How could I miss what was going on?"
What would happen if we let ourselves off the hook on this one?
Which do you think creates more suffering - feeling it is our own fault, or feeling totally out of control if it isn't?
DANCE WITH IT! EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun
RECOVERY FROM BETRAYAL
1) Remember regardless of your imperfect judgment, what the other person did was THEIR CHOICE - NOT YOURS!
2) Accept imperfection - yours and theirs. See this as an opportunity to evolve - maybe some of your old beliefs could use revamping?
3) Don't punish - LEARN!
Imagine you can watch a movie of this story. Watch it the first time emotionally. Get into it and enjoy the angst and suffering - (did I really say that?!)
Now watch it the second time as an objective observer. What do you see?
Be a detective and catch the clues that you might have missed when it was actually happening or, and this is equally important, see how easily these clues would be invisible to anyone!
4) Forgive - yourself and them.
You just learned something which makes you smarter than you were and opens new doors for the future!
5) Make a choice about how you want to proceed. You can choose to walk away, just remember, holding onto the injustices and betrayals weighs us down. Allow yourself to fly!
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