Check this out: Growing up, did you ever get asked what you did to cause a problem when you were totally innocent?
Maybe some kid at school was mean and you went home and complained to mom… and she asked what you did to make the other kid angry…
"You must have done something."
So what's the take away from this one?
Often, in our adult life, when someone is mean to us, hurts us, or rejects us we go to that default position:
"You must have done something!"
Now this kind of thinking causes several problems.
First, it requires us to ignore a real feeling that comes pretty naturally with bad behavior on the other guy's part: Anger.
Second, it gives us a truly distorted belief about our impact on others. Think about it, if it's always caused by you, the corollary is that you have way more than 50% of the control…
DANCE WITH IT! EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…
This one is super easy:
When you feel down in the dumps, especially after a negative interaction with someone, ask yourself if you might possibly be angry…
If you say 'No', pretend that you are angry anyhow.
This is private playacting, so really get into it…