SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MAJOR POWER OUTAGE - PLEASE!

Of course, you can set personal boundaries and you can say 'no' or 'yes'.

You can step backwards or forward.

Yes, you do have control - over YOUR own behavior - and the sooner you see this one for what it is the better!

It's crucial not to get stuck in that slurpy quicksand of thinking it's all about you - way too much distorted power!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about a time in your childhood when someone else's behavior caused you pain and you got the 3rd degree about your role.

Did you hear things like:

"You must have done something to cause it!  What did you do?!"

Even though you weren't the 'perp' somehow the message was that it was your fault…

Now, think about a recent time when something happened that felt bad to you and you used that same scolding parental voice on yourself, asking, "What did I do?! I must have done something to cause this?"

Interesting, right?

Now, re-imagine both events - past and present - and this time create a new voice.  

It might say something like:  "Ugh!  Sorry that happened to you!  I know it felt awful - but you didn't do it!"

How does this replay feel?

NO! I TOLD YOU! IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!

So, here we go again.

Yeah.  I know we've been here before…

But really.

This is such a big one.

OTHER'S PEOPLE BEHAVIOR IS NOT ABOUT YOU!

If they are nice, that's their M.O.!

Rotten - yup - the same! Them…

No matter how hard you try you really can't control that river!

What do ya say?

Can you see how much simpler life could be?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GOING FOR 'C'

Of course, there are areas of our lives where 'C' doesn't make it…

If you are performing brain surgery we all hope you are aiming for A+!

But, but, but…

How did we get stuck thinking that everything needed that same standard of achievement?

If you guessed 'school' you're probably on a good track.

Unfortunately, we usually aren't taught that different degrees of effort - and achievement - make sense for different tasks!

Have you ever found yourself stressing about the perfect wording for an email response - to a friend?

Yikes!

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about the amount of time you spend on different tasks…

If you were an efficiency expert how would you rate your time strategy?

Do you find yourself putting off simple tasks because you don't have enough time to do a 'thorough' job?

Do you need to set aside a whole block of time in order to do that perfect job or do you let yourself do bits and pieces as you go?

Think about tasks that you struggle with doing… might these be examples of things where you demand perfection?

As an experiment: For one day give yourself permission to do things half-way.  Remember, this is just an experiment so breathe deeply and have some fun with it…

What happens as you do this?  Learn anything interesting?

GOOD ENOUGH - WHAT A CONCEPT!

She was really struggling to get things done.

See, the preparation was crucial.

Remember that old saw: measure 3 times, cut once?

Well, didn't that go for everything?

Measure, plan, figure it out…

Sure it kind of put off the execution - but once she finally did get to it, well it would be really fine - perfect actually!

What do ya say?

Ever get stuck in the perfection trap?

GOOD DOG!

"I've been working really hard," he/she announced.

"And I deserve a REWARD!"

Right…

I'm sure we all know what comes next…

CONSUMPTION!

Lots of:

Unhealthy food

Alcohol

Expensive trinkets

Well, you know the list…

What do ya say?

How do 'bad for you things' get transformed into 'goodies'?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - JEALOUS, MUCH?

Jealousy, like many of our feelings, is on the 'bad' list.

We are exhorted not to feel it - and immediately find ourselves in a head on crash between what is actual and what is 'should'!

We feel jealous because we are human.  Would life be easier if this feeling were never triggered in us?

Sure.

But it is, and like all those other 'negative' feelings, the easiest way not to suffer is to acknowledge it. 

This opens the door to working through the experience and moving on!

  

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WORKING THROUGH JEALOUS FEELINGS?

1)  Acknowledge what you feel!  It's not terrible - just human!

2)  Ask yourself what's behind this feeling you are having?  Describe the situation to yourself as if you were a reporter telling a story.

3)  Make a list of some of the different times in your life you have experienced this.  How far back can you go?

4)  Jealousy is based on a belief that what is available is limited.  Who gave you that belief?  Often, these things start in early childhood with siblings…

5)  Imagine rewriting those early experiences as if 'abundance' was the underlying principle…

NOPE! NOT ME! NEVER…

"If you look at it honestly," she said, "jealousy is the most natural of human feelings…"

Hmmm…

"Well," she continued, " its defined as being 'worried that someone is trying to take what you have - the feeling that something you possess is being threatened, right?"

"And seriously, how many of us can possibly say we've never, ever had THAT experience?"

      What do ya say? 

Ever been there?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - FEELIN'...

read to the tune of 'Feelin' Groovy'

That 'oogy' feeling hits us all sometimes… the trick is, just like with quicksand, you don't struggle against it or you get sucked down!

Instead, acknowledge it and breathe deeply until it passes - and it will!*  

It's important to acknowledge that being off center is part of being human…

Think about it, it's one of those paradoxical things… 

We can re-balance - as long as we acknowledge that we are off- balance…  

(*Clearly as with any other emotional state, if you feel stuck, reach out for professional help!)

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

GETTING THROUGH 'OOGY'

Step 1.  Tune into what you are experiencing.  

Feel like biting other peoples' heads off? 

Feel like hiding under your bed?

Feel like screaming?  Crying?

Feel like nothing is working right?

Dreading the next phone call?

Step 2.  Acknowledge 'oogy' and remind yourself its part of being human!

As counter-intuitive as it might seem, awareness and acknowledgement of a particular mood actually allows us to move through it!

Step 3.  Find your 'hug'!  Try a few options:

Allow yourself to wade and wallow in the 'oogy' feeling for awhile.  Really get into it and even exaggerate it!  Howling like a wolf is sometimes part of this strategy!

Follow Jason's advice in yesterday's post and start your day with hugs!

Give yourself permission to metaphorically get under your bed for awhile - read a good book, listen to great music, shut out the world…

Practice deep breathing.

Find a serene place and take in the visual beauty.

FEELIN' OOGY…

What is it?

You know, that yukky, off balance, out of sorts, bleach, icky, squitchy, just plain gross state that we all experience once in awhile…

Okay, maybe more than once in awhile…

  

What do ya say?

Been there?

What's your getting through it strategy?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DON'T?

We mean well when we give those often heard commands, but…

The human brain doesn't appear to process negatives too well.

Like our dogs, we seem instead to register and process only the imperative in those seemingly helpful instructions.

Don't SIT.  Don't STRESS.  Don't EAT…  

The more aware we are of this phenomenon, the more we can re-gain control of our responses - and of the 'help' we are trying to give others!

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

RE-GROUP AND RE- PHRASE!

Think about all the times you used the negative before something you told someone else to do.

What was your goal?

How successful were you?

Now think about the ways you could have been more successful by leaving out the negation.

How would you re-phrase those 'orders'?

DOG TRAINING… AGAIN!

"Don't stress!" he kept saying…

Strangely, each time he said it she got more and more stressed.

Hmmm…

         Do you get this one? 

         Ever experienced it? 

Think dog training.

What do ya say?

Have you ever tried saying 'DON'T SIT!' 

DID IT WORK?

  

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CREATING EWB

What are survival-negative behaviors?

Some are common to all of us - those things that would clearly compromise our survival as a species, an easy list to make.

But how about using this term in a more specifically functional and useful way to each of us in our daily lives?

In this case we are looking at the choices that we might make that could be counterproductive to our emotional well-being (EWB).

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Step 1:  Think about some of your friends.  Make a list of some of the patterns and behaviors they have adopted that you would view as getting in the way to their health and well being.

Why start with others?

Because as we all know, it is almost always easier to see the 'flaws' in someone else's program than in our own…

Step 2:  Think of some of the rules, mandates and choices you have made for yourself.

          Do they work for you?

          Make you happy?

          Further your goals in life?

How do you define survival?   

   

SURVIVAL-NEGATIVE…

Once upon a time, anthropologists used an easy to understand, catch-all phrase to describe certain types of problematic, risky group behavior. 

Actually, it could be applied to individual behavior, also.

'Survival-negative'. 

Easy to get the gist of this one, right?   

Pretty clear notion.

BUT

If it's so easy to grasp the concept, how come we still do it?

What do ya say?

Not you, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE PLOTSKY DIAMOND EFFECT

Do you remember this joke:

A lady at a banquet was sitting next to someone wearing a gigantic, stunning diamond ring…

She looked at her tablemate with envy and commented on the ring.

"Wow," she enthused, "It's breathtaking!"

The woman wearing the ring, Mrs. Plotsky, smiled.

"Yes," she said, "but it comes with a curse…"

"Really?" her neighbor, still green with envy, asked.  "What's the curse?"

"Plotsky!" was the one word response.

We often find it easy to look at one aspect of what someone else has and feel deprived because we don't have that thing… BUT the reality, all the add-ons that come with the desired object, is just as often overlooked…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think of all the times in your life that you felt envy.

Remember:  Envy is defined as wanting what someone else has and believing that it is not available to you.

Make a list of all the things that other people have that you have wanted… and believed that you could not have.

Now, ask yourself what all the 'add-ons' are that would have come with these things. (Remember Plotsky!)

Would the whole package really have been value added to your life?

       

                                                                   

TURNING GREEN…

"It was that car that did it," he whimpered. 

"I feel so depressed!"

"I lusted after that car," he continued, "but realized it could never be mine…"  A clear case of envy, right? 

Envy is defined as wanting something that someone else has that you feel is totally out of your reach.

Ouch!

What do ya say?

Do you get caught in this one?

How do you get out?