SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CREATING LABELS

We have a tendency to label ourselves and others.

We label our children when they are still in the crib.  

"Oh, yeah," we say, "She's very easy going."

Or

"My son is so stubborn!"

You've heard it, and probably said it, but have you ever stopped to really think about these labels?

They are arbitrary - from the perspective of the labeler - limiting, and truly artificial.

In reality most of us humans have our 'easy-going' times and our 'stubborn and demanding' moments…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHY DO WE LABEL OURSELVES AND OTHERS?

Check the ones you think apply:

It gives me a short cut for dealing with someone.

It seems to make life more predictable.

Sometimes it makes me feel superior.

It separates me from the other person: He is 'x' and I am 'y'.

Now think about a few of the people in your life - remove the labels and see how you feel…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - A CASE OF THE 'SHOULDS'

How do we get ourselves into those sticky situations where we make promises that we know, or at the very least suspect, are not tenable?

The answers to this one are easy:  we believe we should be able to do whatever we promise or…

We are afraid they won't like us if we don't pay lip service to what they want…

And the sad thing is that when we can't come across with the imprudently promised behaviors they end up really annoyed!

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

PRELUDE TO A PROMISE:  GET REAL!

Before making that pledge ask yourself the following:

1)  Why do I feel I should be able to do this?

2)  Who am I afraid of disappointing?

3)  Am I buying time by saying 'yes'?

4)  If I need time, why not say it?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO'S IN CHARGE?

What does it mean to be 'in control'?

Most of us struggle with this concept. 

Where is the balance between being that hated control freak, and on the other hand losing control?

The healthy position - the least stressful and least harmful - seems to be when we realize that, as adults, the only person who we can healthily control is our own self. 

We can make decisions about our lives and do our very best to fulfill these desires - we can work to create balance in our lives which might be the best part of being in control of our daily existence. 

We can also step back from the 'ing' part of this verb and recognize that we don't and won't get very far trying to take on this task in the lives of others - certainly not once they are past the age of… consent! 

Check out these two interesting quotes about control:

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity…. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward."   Amelia Earhart

Life, Change, Decision

"Control what you can control. Don't lose sleep worrying about things that you don't have control over because, at the end of the day, you still won't have any control over them."

Cam Newton      read more

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHERE IS THE LINE BETWEEN HEALTHY CONTROL AND BULLYING?

Think about a time when you felt pushed to do something by another person.

Who did the pushing?

How did you feel about them?

Did you do what they wanted?

How did that make you feel?

Were you able to push back?

How did that feel?

Now think about a time when you were doing the controlling.

How did you feel about the person you were pushing?

Did they listen to you?

Did they appreciate what you were doing?

And finally think about a time that you became rigid in your attempts at self control.

Did you accomplish what you wanted?

How did you end up feeling?

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CONTROL YOURSELF? SAY WHAT?

"So," he complained.  "This whole thing about control is driving me nuts!"

"Everyone says how important it is to be in control of your life… okay?

"And then my girlfriend turns around and criticizes me for being controlling!"

"And what about all those times my parents and teachers did the 'control yourself' thing!"

"What's the deal here?"

What do ya say?  Good?  Bad?

Do you get this one?

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