THE FINE ART OF APPRECIATION

"How come", he wanted to know, "people seem to have such a hard time acknowledging things - you know, saying 'thank you'?

"My brother needed some help," he continued," and I really went out of my way to figure out what he needed and do it…" 

"Not easy, but I was happy to be able to help…

"And then … nothing!"

"He did what I suggested, told me about it as if it was his idea!  He never even acknowledged that it was my suggestion!"

"I just don't get it," he whined, "is it that hard to say 'thank you'?

What do ya say?  Do you know why people don't do this?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - FEELING DOWN?

Have you ever noticed how some people navigate life's ups and downs in a way that seems more graceful than others?

It's not really that what happens to them is easier - they go through the same bumps and crashes as the rest of us, but they don't seem to stay in those dark places.

If you watch closely you might notice that they are making choices, actively working to minimize 'dark' time...

DANCE WITH IT!  EXPERIMENTAL APPS
An opportunity to expriment with some fun ideas...

FINDING THE LIGHT - FIVE CLUES FROM THE 'ENLIGHTENED'...

1)  Look for the laugh!  There are giggles all around us - even on difficult days.
2)  Look for beauty!  Breathe deeply and take in the light! 
3)  Dream and create fantasies...even bed-bound people can travel!
4)  Read a book that catches your fancy!
5)  Music, music, music!

SOMETIMES YA JUST GOTTA LAUGH…

Hard day?  Hard year?

Tomorrow we'll get serious again…

But for today, check these out:

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie… listen and laugh

My Boyfriend's Back… remember this one?

Poison Ivy unbelievable?

You Talk Too Much hehe

Yakety Yak yep!

Purple People Eater losing it yet?

The Witch Doctor  no comment

Who Put The Bomp  are you moving?

Lollipop  do you believe this one?

Sh Boom Sh Boom and finally...

What do ya say?

You're smiling, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - COUP STICKS

Remember getting gold stars in school when you were a kid?

Or an A+ on a term paper?

The idea was to reward children for completing a task - and completing it to the standard of the 'grading' adult…

An interesting concept and one we can certainly understand, but…

The take-away that we tend to grow up with is that nothing but 100% counts…

Can you see how this might be crippling?  How many times in real life do we hit that level?

What do we tell ourselves when we don't?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CREATE YOUR OWN COUP STICK

see how

Think about what you have actually accomplished in the last week…

How much credit have you actually given yourself for what you did do instead of scolding yourself for what you didn't do?

Imagine creating your own 'coup stick'.  What would it look like?

Now imagine that you make a mark for each mini step you take…

How does this change your attitude towards getting things done and reaching your goals?

COUNTING COUP - YET AGAIN…

Did you ever hear the saying: 'Life is hard by the yard… but it's a cinch by the inch'?

Did it ever make sense to you?

One way it really works is 'counting coup' …

How many times have you set a goal and considered yourself a failure because you didn't make it to 100%?

What did this do to your continued endeavor?

How do you think this might change if you put a notch on your 'coup stick' for all the inches - all those tiny, mini steps that you did actually accomplish?

What do ya say? Ever try this one?

http://oldladiesdance.blogspot.com/2014/09/counting-coup-again.html

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE 'SHOULD' CURSE

As soon as we start making rules we create resistance!

Think about it…

If you had a sibling and your parents said - 'Be nice to your brother' - do you remember what you felt?

Maybe you were one of the few angels visiting our planet, but for most of us the more likely internal responses were:  'Why?', 'Not my job!', 'Ick!'

When we remove those unrealistic imperatives of universal perfection and acknowledge that as humans we feel jealousy, resentment, anger, and competition, we remove the need to pretend. 

Once we do this, we leave the door open to working through the 'negatives' and actually arriving at some of those warm fuzzy places!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HOW MANY 'SHOULDS' DO YOU HAVE?

Make a list of your 'shoulds'.

Can you actually allow yourself to write these down?

How long is your list?

When did you adopt each of these rules?

As you look at your list imagine giving yourself permission to do the opposite of what you wrote.

What do you feel as you try this imaginary experiment?

EVERYBODY GET TOGETHER…

Remember that song?  The Youngbloods - 1967 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53XyCbIJGKY

Pretty sounds… Nice words…

Okay... 'try to'…

But reality?

Not!

What do ya say?

Can you see how buying this as a 'should' might actually be toxic?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LISTEN TO THE MUSIC

We focus a lot on body language and the clues it gives us about our interactions with others - all that eye contact, crossed arm displays and other visual indicators that we've learned to notice…

But what about actual spoken language?

We have incorporated many words and phrases into our speech that allow us to - at best - soften our message, and at the worst, lie with impunity!

All these mitigating phrases are used to soften the blow of something that we believe would otherwise be offensive or unbelievable. 

Do you think it works?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT ARE THEY REALLY SAYING?

Make a list of all the mitigating words and phrases you use or hear during the course of the next few days…

What happens as you pay attention to this?

How do you feel when others do it to you?

Does it upgrade them in your estimation?

What do you imagine would happen if you stopped doing this?

DUCK AND WEAVE

'No offense intended…'

'To tell the truth…'

'Honestly…'

'Seriously…'

Whew!  Ever stop to think about these 'qualifiers'?

What do ya say?

You don't use them, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LIMITED THINKING

We seem to make constant assumptions about what is expected and appropriate for our age, gender, background, lifestyles, language…

Does this type of thinking really help us?  Or does it reinforce and actually create handicaps?

If we believe these suppositions about who and how we are supposed to be we limit ourselves and others!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CREATING BOXES

Check out your own assumptions…

What are your beliefs about how you and others should act at a given age?

How about a given gender?

Your position in society?

Ask yourself these questions and others related to boxing yourself in…

How might you look at the world if you dropped these beliefs?

MAKING THOSE ASSUMMPTIONS…

Today I went for one of those stress tests.  

As I was running on the treadmill the doctor said:  "Sweetie," yes, he called me 'sweetie'…

"Sweetie, you filled out this form wrong."

"What's the problem?" I asked continuing to run and wondering how his interruption might mess the measurements…

"Well," he answered in a very condescending tone of voice, "You didn't write all your medications sweetie."

"That's because I don't take any," I responded.

"Of course you do," he informed me.

"Everyone your age is on medication!"

What do ya say?  You don't get caught in this trap, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT IS DIVERSITY?

One of the fascinating aspects of human kind is our diversity…

We come from different cultures - even within the same country - city - and yes family!

Our position in these macro and micro cultures weaves the fabric of our beliefs.

Understanding this certainly adds complexity to our dealings with others, but also a wonderful richness and variety!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

MAKING DIFFERENCES OKAY…

This one is simple:  We are not the same, and not only is this okay…it is reality and has to be okay!

Think about the people in your life:  family members, friends, and partners.

Now think about the ways they are different from you.

Now think about how often their differences have annoyed you…

Now imagine that instead of annoying you…you found these differences fascinating!

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO THIS?

WHOSE RULES?

"I would never talk to anyone like that!" he stated emphatically.

"I would never miss a birthday like that!" she assured me.

"And if I did…" each of them assured me…"it would surely mean…"

What makes us think we all follow the same playbook... 

and that therefore we can be sure of what signifies 'dereliction of duty'?

What do ya say?

You don't make these assumptions, do you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CREATING LABELS

We have a tendency to label ourselves and others.

We label our children when they are still in the crib.  

"Oh, yeah," we say, "She's very easy going."

Or

"My son is so stubborn!"

You've heard it, and probably said it, but have you ever stopped to really think about these labels?

They are arbitrary - from the perspective of the labeler - limiting, and truly artificial.

In reality most of us humans have our 'easy-going' times and our 'stubborn and demanding' moments…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHY DO WE LABEL OURSELVES AND OTHERS?

Check the ones you think apply:

It gives me a short cut for dealing with someone.

It seems to make life more predictable.

Sometimes it makes me feel superior.

It separates me from the other person: He is 'x' and I am 'y'.

Now think about a few of the people in your life - remove the labels and see how you feel…

SO, WHO AM I?

'My mother' she said,'has always said that I am a prima donna - that I always want things my way and think that the world revolves around me…'

'It's strange,' she continued,'because I don't think I feel that way…or do I?'

'Sometimes I think she's right and knows me better than I know myself… is that weird or what?'

What do ya say?

Can you identify with these feelings?

EITHER/OR?

Flexibility/Rigidity?

Holding on/Letting go?

Kind/Mean?

All of the above?

What do ya say?

Do you understand the true concept of the sliding scale?