SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - RELEASE

We know all about forgiving others… it's an ongoing theme in our cultures, but…

How often are we reminded to forgive ourselves?

How many times have you heard someone say:

'I should have known better…

        Then to trust that person

        Then to go there

        Then to do that

We fault ourselves for our imperfections and then hold onto the inner scolding, perhaps in the distorted belief that if we keep reminding ourselves, we'll never do it again?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

What horrible mistakes have you actually made?

How have you dealt with them?

What do you need to do to let go?

LET IT GO!

Them and their garbage…

You and yours!

Then … fix it!

Make amends - especially to yourself!

What do ya say?

It's not easy, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IT'S ABOUT CHOICE!

Brainwashing and old hypnotic beliefs can be truly toxic. 

You know this, right?

Going forward, it's up to you…

What do you want to feel?

Good or bad?

How do you want to live?

Victim or celebrant?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about the beliefs and attitudes that govern your life.

Can you make a list?

Where and when did you learn them?

Do they really make sense to you now?

Want to change them?  Spin that dial!

GETTING IT DONE: RITUAL OR CHORE?

"I hate cleaning my place!" they said. 

"It's such a hassle!  And it isn't like you can do it once and never again!  No!  You have to keep doing it, again and again!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFhubbRugak

"I love cleaning my place!" they said. 

You go into an altered space - no thinking, no crises, no difficult decisions…just a simple, repetitive motion and easy breathing… like a meditation!"

Hmmm…

The activity is the same, right?

The feeling totally different!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - NOW OR THEN?

Remember all those childhood bedtime stories about planning for the future?  

The Grasshopper and the Ants? http://read.gov/aesop/052.html   

The Three Little Pigs?  https://americanliterature.com/childrens-stories/the-three-little-pigs

How did you react way back then when your heard these fables? 

Did they teach you a valuable lession, or scare you about the future? 

Were you later confused by all the advice about living in the present?

How do you put these two mandates together and make sense for your own life?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CAN YOU FIND YOUR OWN BALANCE BETWEEN NOW AND THEN?

This is an interesting one to play with…

To find your own balance think about some of the people you know who have done this well:

Maybe an elderly person who took care of themselves re: housing, health issues etc.

Maybe a friend or relative who did good planning in relationships with others.

Then maybe think about some of the people you know who did not find a good balance.  What can you learn from their stories?

Now think about your own life.  Where is your balance right now?

THE WRITING ON THE WALL

Can you see it?

Do you pay attention?

Adjust accordingly?

Or are you one of those 'cover your eyes, ears and mouth' folks who try to hold their breath until it's all over?

What do ya say?

Which way works best for you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ASSIGNING BLAME

Imagine that same scenario from yesterday…

A child comes home from school crying. 

The parent asks what happened… and then… instead of assigning blame, the parent comforts the child and helps that child develop a life strategy… figuring out how to take care of themselves going forward!

Who's to blame doesn't get us very far… 

What to do about it does!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Change your vocabulary to change the outcome!

Instead of 'Who' use 'What', 'When', 'How'…

Instead of 'Blame' think 'Fix'!

DID YOU FEEL POWERFUL?

Remember this one:

You come home from school - maybe crying - and when your parent asks you what happened you tell them about that mean kid who…

And they say:

"Well, what did you do?  You must have done something to make them…"

What do ya say?

Do you think maybe they were trying to empower you?

You know, make you think you caused it?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - RECONNECTING

We often function on auto-pilot and don't even realize that some of our supposed 'choices' are based on 'disconnects'. 

Not really 'choices' at all!

We say we want one thing and act in a manner that is guaranteed NOT to accomplish our goal! 

Once we recognize how we are functioning and where the disconnect is, we can begin to create true choices!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

5 STEPS TO OVERCOME DISCONNECTS

1)  Slow down!  Most disconnects have become automatic!

2)  Breathe!  Give yourself time to get off auto-pilot!

3)  Locate the origin of the disconnect!  When did this happen?

4)  Upgrade! Put new code into your belief system!

5)  Reboot! 

  

THE TRULY STRANGE WORLD OF DISCONNECTS

Ever notice how often you hear someone saying one thing and doing the exact opposite?

Okay, vague, right?

To be specific:

How many times do you say: "I want to lose weight!" as you gobble down a calorie laden snack?

And how often do you criticize someone else for a certain behavior ("They are sooo controlling, mean, critical…) and then turn around and do the exact same thing?

What do ya say?  

Human nature?  Learned behavior?  Mental fog?

Or just plain weird?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE CHILDHOOD HYPNOTIC TRANCE

Children are very receptive to verbal input - it's an important element of the way they learn.

Hypnosis is defined to a large extent by language - being in a receptive state, hearing a repetitive sound byte, and having a trigger embedded. 

Sounds a lot like many of our early childhood experiences, right?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about your childhood dinner table…

How often did you hear a statement about your behavior, or about the family's beliefs repeated.

Can you remember the intonation, the facial expressions of the speaker?

Now ask yourself if as an adult you've repeated those same statements to others or to yourself?

Can you figure out what the triggers are?  The location?  A specific behavior?

A THE RISK OF SOUNDING LIKE MY MOTHER…

Ever catch yourself unconsciously humming an old eerily familiar tune?

Your intonation, pitch and message have a strangely familiar ring and you get the willies as these sounds come out of your mouth?

"OMG you gasp!" 

"I am channeling my mother!"

What do ya say?

Ever do this? 

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - YOUR INNER CHEERLEADER

This is the part of us that always has our back.

It does not berate us.

It does not repeat the evil Bully mantras.

It does not buy into the woeful Victim cries.

It doesn't need to be a Rebel.

This is the realistic and loving voice that always is available to support our forward momentum, even when we seem to be sliding backwards! 

"Hang in there!"

"You can do it!"

"Pay attention to the good stuff!"

These are the mantras of our inner BFF.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about some of the struggles you've had:

Health problems?

Challenging relationships?

Food, eating, weight?

Exercise?

Work?

Now ask yourself how you responded internally to these things.

Did you scold yourself?

Feel victimized by others?

Give up in a huff?

Or

Were you able to be your own BFF and bring out that cheerleader voice?

If not, imagine doing it now…

What happens?

WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN…

Get your inner cheerleader on!

Avoid nay-sayers - even when they seem sympathetic.

This is a time to believe 6 impossible things before breakfast!

Find the tiny improvements.

Look for those silver linings… millimeters count!

Hugs help…

Someone very wise, living in a senior facility put this beautifully:

"I don't remember much anymore…but…" and then she chuckled, "there are people here who remember less than I do…"

What do ya say?

You get this, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKIING - THE DARK SIDE

What is this 'schadenfreude' and what can we do about it?

It seems to be partly competition and partly a power play.  You know that old playground 'ha ha ha, ha ha'.

But there also seems to be a dollop of magical thinking connected to this… 

Were you ever told to eat your food because of the poor starving children someplace else?

Ever think about it?  

What were they really saying?

'Be grateful that you have it better than them?'  Or was it: 'Your bounty and their scarcity are connected'?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about the last time someone - maybe inadvertently - took pleasure at your supposed discomfort.

Or the last time someone predicted something negative for you based on their own experience.

Were you able to step back and see this experience for what it was: someone else's stuff!

Go over those experiences now and remind yourself that what that person said, in reality, had nothing to do with you!

How does that feel?

DOOM AND GLOOM

"What is it," he asked, "that seems to give people so much pleasure in predicting bad things?"

"It was my birthday," he continued, "and I can not tell you how many people said, 'Oh, boy, it's all downhill from here!'"

"Shoot! I was only turning 40 but I swear they were into that schadenfreude thing, you know, gloating as they gave me a sympathetic pat on the back…" http://www.dictionary.com/browse/schadenfreude

What do ya say?

You don't do this to your friends, do you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - KNEE JERK ALERT

Remember that expression 'knee-jerk reaction'?

When we create mandates - all those 'shoulds' - we often trigger that type of reaction.

There ae verbal triggers:  

you should, you have to, now, or else.

And non-verbal cues: time limits and drop dead dates.

We often unconsciously perceived all of these as unrealistic demands - and we respond with a resounding 'NO'!

Our 'no' can take two forms: we can rebel (it's not fair, you can't make me, don't push)

or

We can switch to our victim voice (I can't, it's too hard, I am suffering).

The interesting thing to realize is that both responses are attempts to push back what we are experiencing (realistic or not) as unhealthy demands.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think of the last time you were in this position: reacting in opposition to an internal or external demand.

Can you imagine hearing that demanding voice now?

Try exaggerating it.

Visualize the demanding presence.  Give it a face (mean?) a color (red?)

Now become that voice.

Really get into it…

Now switch to the responder.

First play this part as a Rebel - again exaggerate and really get into it.

Now respond as the poor Victim.

What happens as you play this out?

THE WEIGHT LOSS CHA CHA

"What's wrong with me?" she asked in a truly pathetic voice.

"Every time I tell myself I am going to lose weight," she continued, "I gain it!"

"The minute the thought of a diet crosses my mind I start to CRAVE food!"

"Am I perverted, or what?!"

What do ya say?

Ever happen to you?

Know why?