DARK DAYS…

"It's hardly in a body's pow'r

Tae keep, at times, frae being sour."

                       Robert Burns, 1785   (robertburns.org)

You know this one, right?                                              

Burns wrote it in 1785 and it's just as true today…

We have sour days!

Not all of them, and hopefully not most of them, but a dark day is certainly part of the human condition.

What do ya say

Can you accept this?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CONSCIOUS ROLE PLAYING

We are fascinated by actors - people who step out of their own skins and into the bodies of others to create an illusion.

We love the concept of the 'Cloak of Invisibility' of wizards and the dark magic of 'shape-shifters'.

Of course we put all of this into the realm of fantasy.

And yet…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

PLAYING ROLES.

Here's a fun experiment to try:

Next time you walk into a room full of strangers, take a moment to imagine you are royalty. 

Hold your body in a regal posture - head high, presence large. 

Now take a nice deep breath and enter the room

What do you feel?

What do you notice?

How do others seem to react to you?

Next, on a similar occasion, imagine you are covered by a cloak of invisibility.

Take a moment to really get into this, feeling yourself disappear from the view of others.

Breathe deeply.

Now move forward and enter the room

What do you notice/

How do you feel?

How do you perceive others reacting to you?

ATTA - TUDE…

There's a story about a famous movie star going for a walk with a friend…

The attention from people they passed on the street was non-stop.

"Whoa!" the friend exclaimed.

"How do you handle that all the time?"

"Let me show you," the movie star answered.

She changed her body posture, covered her famous hair-do with a scarf, wiped off her make-up and they walked on - unnoticed!

What do ya say?

How much of what you get back do you think has to do with what you're putting out?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SELF TALK?

We have a tendency to ignore what once upon a time was labeled 'self-talk'.

"What's the big deal?" we ask, as we superimpose critical labels on our own behavior with words like 'stupid', 'dumb', 'lazy' and 'useless'…

We undermine our forward momentum by comments to ourselves like "Why bother? It won't make any difference anyhow!"

This internal dialog can be likened to the programming of a computer. 

Negative self-talk is bad programming!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

INPUT/OUTPUT

If you creatively and honestly allow yourself to experiment with this one, the results are really obvious - and dramatic!

DAY ONE:

Only negative self-talk!  (Actually you might want to limit this one to an hour!)

"Why bother?"

"No one cares!"

"Its too hard!"

"You'll never do it!"

"You don't matter!"

Now write down how you felt and what you managed to accomplish with these statements rattling around in your head.

DAY TWO:

Only positive self-talk

"You can do it!"

"Hang in there!"

"Hang on!"

"You are smart, beautiful, funny loveable…"

Remember:  This is an experiment so really lay it on!

How do you feel?

  

IT'S HARD, BUT…

"I try so hard," she moaned.

"And look what happens!"

Been there?  Said those words?  Heard them? 

Sure.

Poop happens… but that extra zap? 

What do ya say?

You can hear the put-down hiding in that remark, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - BALANCE IT!

Many of us are afraid to be emotionally generous with others.  The idea of exposing our 'heart and soul' leaves us feeling weak. 

Perhaps this is because we have not learned to balance our giving and taking in a way that works. 

And our historical experience of losing balance is often a painful crash!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

A PUSH/PULL EXERCISE

Try this old time push/pull exercise - it's fun.

You can do it solo using a wall, a mirror or even your shadow or with a real or imaginary partner.

Sit or stand facing your partner.  Now gently touch palms.  Take a minute to breathe and tune in to what you are feeling.

Next let one person be the leader and push against the other.  (No violence please!)

Now change places and let the other person take over.

After a few minutes, drop your hands, close your eyes and breathe deeply.  Share with your partner how you felt in each position.

Now reconnect palms, breathe deeply and with your eyes closed experiment with finding a rhythm - a back and forth that feels comfortable and balanced between the two of you.

Continue for a few minutes with your eyes open.

Share with your partner what you experienced.

HOW GENEROUS ARE YOU?

'Thank you'…

Two truly powerful words.

They can turn your day around.

Who says 'thank you' to you…

And who takes your gifts for granted?

Who do you thank?

Some people are afraid that they lose power when they say these words…

Others recognize the magic and generosity of giving back…

What do ya say?  Thank you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TAG!

"Our baby is so smart, stubborn, difficult, easy…"

These early life labels have a tendency to stick.

Labels can be either useful or destructive. 

Almost all societies and languages use descriptive words as a means of cataloging and categorizing people, activities, and behavior. 

These words can make it easier to figure things out - or get us stuck in a quagmire of false convictions.

We are experiencing a lot of this in today's news as well as the anxiety that often goes along with these labels.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT THE LABELS YOU USE

What do you label?  Behavior?  People?  Groups?

Now ask yourself where you 'picked up' these labels.

How useful is this language short-cut?

Does it give you more ease in dealing or less?

Does labeling expand your options or limit them?

Now ask yourself how often you label yourself.

How many of your self-labels are negative?

Try a day without labeling yourself or others as an experiment.

What happens?

'ISM'S' AND OTHER LABELS

"He's a dog!"

No, they were not putting anyone down. 

They were actually explaining - or attempting to explain - the behavior of their four legged companion!

Notice how we grab onto labels to excuse, ratify, explain away, critique and demystify behavior? 

What do ya say?

Useful or not?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - FINDING IT

If you dance, you know how easy it is to loose your rhythm - a momentary lose of focus, a misstep, a moment spacing out, missing the count…

And you know we're not just talking about dancing, but about life.

You also know that truly successful (ie. satisfied) people know that losing that rhythm is part of being human, and that accepting this reality allows us to re-calibrate and find it again!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

YOUR BULLY IS A RHYTHM BUSTER!

Ever hear yourself mutter any of these:

"I'm lazy!"

"I can't stay focused!

"Should, should, should!"

"Bad, bad, bad!"

What do you think would happen if instead you said:

"No problem, today I'm off.  I am human and I can take a down day!"

And

"I have tools to re-find my rhythm!"

What are your tools?

*Friends and allies

*Deep breathing

*Actually exaggerating the off-centeredness to the point of laughter

*Moving your body as a reminder of where your balance point is

*Singing out loud

*Laughing out loud…

RIDE THE RHYTHM!

You know when you're there, right?

You can feel it in sports, dancing, singing…

How about walking?  Being in nature? 

With your animal buddies?

Hanging with your human friends?

That wonderful sense of being…

And when you lose it?

You really know when that feeling's gone!

What do ya say?

Got the rhythm?

Catch it!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - APPLAUSE?

How did most of us get so jammed up in our attempts to get that very straight forward, simple acknowledgment that we crave and need?

What created the belief that wanting this is wrong?

Can we blame it on bullying parents?

On a narcissistic, attention hogging sibling?

On an overly demanding teacher?

If we assume that needing recognition is a normal human desire, how can we go about getting it in a healthy, productive way?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

A 5 STEP 'APPLAUSE EVALUATION'

I)  To what degree do you feel appreciated by: (rate this on a scale of 1-10 with 10 high)

* Family?

* Friends?

* Work?

* Neighbors?

* Romantic Partners?

II)  Do you play humble and hope others will figure out your contribution and acknowledge you?

III)  Do you go in the opposite direction and grandstand in order to get acknowledged?

IV)  Are you a 'know-it-all' always correcting and adding to others statements?

V)  Were you a teacher's pet and still play that role hoping to get that same type of applause?

ARE YOUR STRATEGIES WORKING FOR YOU? 

BRAVO! BRAVO!

We all need to be appreciated…

You, me, all of us.

We need the 'Yay you!', A+, Golden Globe, Thank you, Hand clapping validation that tells us we did it, we count, we make a difference.

BUT

Some of us go about getting it in the most twisted, distorted, backwards, ineffective ways possible.

What do ya say?

You do know what I mean, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - COMPARE/COMPETE?

Comparing is actually another word for competition…

You get that, right?

Whether you win or lose, whether you have more or less than the other guy, you are in a competitive position.

And what's wrong with that, you ask?

Sooner or later there's someone nearby who looks like they have more… and then, well, that doesn't feel so good!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TRY A 1960'S HEADSET…

Forget the other guy and find your own space…

* Who are you?

* What do you want?

* What makes you happy?

COMPARED TO WHAT?

"When I feel down in the dumps," she said, "I look around me and compare myself to others and remind myself to be grateful for what I have!"

Interesting, right?

Another version of that parental, 'Eat your food!  Think about all those poor starving children in…'

What do ya say?

Did it work then?

Does it work now?