CHISPAS

“The beautiful is as useful as the useful." He added after a moment’s silence, "Perhaps more so.” 

Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

"You could find beauty nearly anywhere if you stopped to look for it, but the battle to get through the days made it easy to forget that this totally cost-free luxury existed."

--  Robert Galbraith (aka J.K. Rowling), Career of Evil

In times of darkness - personal or social - it's easy to get caught up in the negative and miss all the amazing light and music that surrounds us!

 MAY THIS BE A NEW YEAR OF LIGHT AND            BEAUTY FOR YOU! 

HAPPY? MERRY? HMMM…

"Happy Birthday!" she wished me…

Sweet? 

Sure except it wasn't my birthday - it was hers! 

But okay, it was understandable.  

She was only 3 years old and at that age, the concept of 'difference' is still a little mushy.

It isn't until later that we understand and truly value our differences.

What do ya say?

You get the message here, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WINTER CLEAN UP

All of us who use computers know how important it is to do disc clean up - clearing space for new work.

We humans have that same need.

We also require clearing out our emotional and metaphorical disc space!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WIPING OUT EMOTIONAL SPAM

Think about all those old 'done to's' that you obsess about late into the night…

Make a list of all the insults, hurts, and unkindnesses you can come up with - all the 'he saids', 'they promised', 'I got set ups', insulted, treated badly…

Really pay attention to how you feel as you do this.

Hurts a little?

What do you imagine would happen if you could let all that garbage go?

Do you need to hold onto it for any reason?

Is there a lesson for you to learn?

A conversation that needs to happen?

DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO…

AND THEN…

ERASE! ERASE!

LET IT GO

Tomorrow winter officially begins.  

Our ancient forebears always did something to recognize and celebrate the changing seasons. 

Customarily, winter was seen as a season of letting go, dying, going underground.   read more

It's a wonderful time for those of us in this modern world to mediate on what we need to let go of and bury…

Release of the old and out of date allows us to create space for new energy!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?

Sometimes we react negatively to the very behavior in others that we deny in ourselves - perhaps those very things that we were scolded for by our parents?

Sometimes we react negatively because our own buttons are being pushed and we feel disrespected or insulted - taking some one else's way of acting as a personal reflection on us.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about the things that annoy you in other people.

How do these behaviors actually affect you?

What do they 'make you' feel?

If you were able to change your own response what do you think might happen?

A WEE BIT OF … PROJECTION?

"Ugh!" he said.

"I can not stand her!  She is such a know it all!"

Interesting, since that's exactly what people say about him…

And here's another one:

This person was telling a story in great detail about a visit with her sister who drove her crazy by telling stories in great detail.

Ah huh.

What do ya say?

Ever notice how we seem to particularly hate things that remind us of…ourselves?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SINGING THAT SAME OLD SONG

When something bad happens why do we dig ourselves in deeper by remembering old insults instead of looking for positive counter balance?

It's as if we get caught on a particular tune or sound bite and keep replaying it, adding to the musical score with each and every negative moment we can remember!

"And then," we remind ourselves, "in the first grade…"

Sound ludicrous?

Certainly self destructive and useless!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TRY THIS EASY FIX:

The next time you catch yourself playing this repetitive tune, exaggerate it!  Really get into the sound, energy and movement that goes along with this listing of remembered suffering!

What happens as you do this?

Remember, really exaggerate!

DIGGING A DEEP HOLE

Ever notice how when you have a bad interaction with someone you think about all the bad interactions you've ever had?

Or…

When someone treats you disrespectfully you think about all those other times…

What do ya say?

Ever wonder why we pile on when we're already hurting?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - 'ASSISTANCE'

In our early years we are almost mandated to be in supportive environments and then suddenly we are out in the world with all those underlying structures removed.

We have a tendency to look at 'therapy' as being connected to problems and weakness. 

Wouldn't it be nice if we had structured support throughout our lives and not just at the beginning and end?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Imagine that you could create your own 'assisted living' set up regardless of your current age…

What would it look like?

What steps can you take to bring more of the support into your life?

WHAT A CONCEPT!

We walked in and looked around.

All sorts of classes, a lounge and cafeteria, people hanging out with buddies, gossip, a strong sense of community, music, dancing, a great library…

Where were we?

A University?

Nope!  A retirement community!

What do ya say?

What a wonderful continuing life concept, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IT IS WHAT IT IS!

On the one hand we don't want to be rigid and deny the possibility of change…

But

Observing the same behavior again and again and expecting a different outcome doesn't make sense either!

There are enough warnings about this type of thinking in our folktales - (remember the Three Little Pigs and the Grasshopper and the Ants and even those Three Monkeys) - to highlight this common flaw in our cognitive processing.

Perhaps our desire to see what we want, supersedes our ability to see the obvious?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

SAVING EMOTIONAL WEAR AND TEAR…

Think about the times you said: 

'I can't believe' talking about something that had happened many times before… 

How about all those times you found yourself outraged by behavior that really was totally predictable?

How do you think you would feel and react if you allowed yourself to expect that predictable behavior?

Would it make life easier for you? 

THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT…

"Every time I go to dinner with them I come away depressed… but I just knew," she insisted," this time it would be different."

Uh huh…

Ever hear this one:

'If you invite an elephant trainer into your house you have to expect elephant shi_'

It's about awareness, predictability and taking care of yourself, right?

What do ya say?

Do you allow yourself to see it like it is?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - EXPANSION

We know that we are conditioned to keep re-playing our childhood stories.

Perhaps, just as important, is for us to realize that we also have a tendency to see the world through the narrow focus of that early lense, and limit our ability to see other realities!

DANCE WITH IT!
AN OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIMENT WITH SOME FUN IDEAS...

EXPANDING OUR FOCUS...
TRY THIS:
Any time you find yourself using definning phrases like:

'Everyone does, says, feels, thinks...'
'Everything is always...'
'People are all...'

Stop and ask yourself:  'What would happen if I didn't think this way?'

DO YOU GET IT?

Remember that old saying: 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree'?

You know what it means, right?

Check out this story:  The guy was really smart, but… He just didn't get it!

His girlfriend was very difficult.  No need to give you the sorry details…

D-I-F-F-I-C-U-L-T!

"Why should I break up?" he asked.  "All relationships suck!  Just look at my parents!"

What do ya say?

He really doesn't get it, does he?

You do, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SEPARATION

It is truly a challenge to let go of what we want and need and recognize the limitations of others - even others as significant to us as our parents and siblings.

But…

If you can accept that simple refrain: 

"You are you, and I am I…" more  your ability to recover from those perceived 'wounds' is amazing!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TRY REMINDING YOURSELF:

They are not doing it to you!

They are doing their own dance…and you happen to be there!

Their dance was created long before they met you!

You have the option to walk away.

If you stay it is your choice…deal with it!

WORDS OF COMFORT

Didn't get what you wanted or needed this past holiday?

How do we forgive our friends and family for not being perfect?

TRY THIS MANTRA:  THEY DID THE BEST THEY COULD!

Maybe not the best you wanted …

What do ya say?

Do you get this?  

You know its probably true, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TAKE COVER!

Forgive me for being blunt but… ranting is like taking a dump!  You might feel better afterwards, but you leave behind a stink!

We seem to learn this dumping strategy at an early age.

It appears to have several functions:

* It can make the 'dumper' feel better just like the other kind of dump.

* It can create a distraction - with enough loud yelling and ranting, maybe the other person won't call me out about whatever I did wrong.

* Finally, it can be part of our unfinished business from those terrible two's when we counted on someone else to make our anger go away.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CREATING NOISE

How many times have you thrown a fit instead of acknowledging your 'bad'?

Think about this:  Ranting is fast, it's easy, and it creates pain for the other person.

Ask yourself if you really want to do this to someone else… and if you do … do it consciously!

SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH!

He came into the room ranting - the trains were late, he hated winter, everyone was nasty…

His eyes were flashing red and rolling in their sockets (well almost, you get the idea.)

Hmmm…

Couldn't he just say, 'sorry I'm so late?"

What do ya say?

Ever notice this one?  Ever do it?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - APPRECIATE MUCH?

Did your family Thanksgiving dinners include going around the table and saying what you were grateful for?

Remember this - being thankful - and mindful - of what you have does not take away your right to:

        

        Want more…

        Be envious…

        Be angry…

Appreciation for what we have does not mean we stop being human!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TRY THIS:

Make a list of things that you appreciate…

Now, the fun part… For each of those appreciations, list a resentment!

The formula is:  I appreciate/ I resent

Continue until you run out!

What happens as you do this?

MEMORIES…

Here's a pretty amazing and uplifting statement from an elderly lady we know dealing with her memory loss:

to the tune of...

"Well," she told us with a big smile, "there are people who remember less then I do…"

What do ya say?

Unreal or just choosing to be thankful for what she has?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GOING UNDER

What creates a hypnotic trance? 

        An altered state

        Repetition

        A belief in the speaker's authority

Interesting…

Doesn't this, at least to some extent, describe our situation during those highly charged years of childhood?

Without realizing it, during our early years of life, we are subject to internalizing hypnotic suggestions about who we are and what we can expect from life!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WAKING UP IN 6 STEPS!

1) Make a list of some of the words you use to describe yourself.

2) Next to each word write who first used this to describe you.

3) How old were you were when you were first identified this way.

4) Do you like these descriptions of you?

5) If you changed these description, what words would you use?

6) Imagine actually switching to your new words.

How does this feel?