SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SNEAKY, SNEAKY

Passive aggressive actors are seriously sneaky folk!  Think about it…

They get to hit and hide!  They act out their anger without consequences.  Who can tell what they are up to? 

Even if we are suspicious about their true intent, we don't want to be the meany who outs one of these poor pathetic souls, do we?

How do we learn this behavior in the first place?  

Is it really part of the human 'genome'?  

Or is it one of those learned behaviors that get passed down over time?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

ONCE AGAIN - AWARENESS IS KEY!

If you feel like someone is angry with you:

          But they are smiling…

          But they are not telling you they are angry…

          But they are doing things that cause you stress…  

Ask yourself what you could do if your assumption were true? 

Would you ask them if they were angry?  Would you tell them that their behavior seemed angry?  Would you do something to protect yourself?

And if you are the one acting passive aggressively:

Ask yourself what you might be angry about. 

Could you deal with this anger in a more direct way?  What is really emotionally healthy for you? 

Ask yourself how you learned this indirect way of dealing with anger? 

Observe those around you.  Can you recognize this behavior in others?  How does it make you feel?

WHAT IS? LURKING…

Late for dinner?

Say yes and mean no?

Return calls from the noisy street or underground?

Late payments?

Whining?

And that famous: 'Well, I tried…'

What do all these have in common?

If you guessed passive aggressive behavior you get a gold star…

If you're guilty of any of these you lose that star!

What do ya say?  Do you understand this stuff?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS!

Step #1 in dealing with bullies is recognizing their behavior for what it is - abusive and really unnecessary!

Sometimes we confuse ourselves by making excuses for the bully or thinking their manner is okay since they mean well…

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

RECOGNIZING BULLY BEHAVIOR

Check out their:

Voice - Harsh and loud?  Too quiet and whispered? Threatening?

Posture - Too close?  Rigid?  Looming?

Attitude - Dismissive?  Rude?  Curt?

Check out how you feel:

Belittled? Talked down to? Pushed?  Backed into a corner? Scolded?

No second guessing yourself!  

Remember that old saying:  'If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…'

FOUL PLAY!

Sometimes they actually think they are being helpful…

You know, whacking you into compliance because, of course, they know better than you do!

Sometimes they're acting out their anger in a way they learned by example…

And sometimes they are just plain mean!

What do ya say?

You're not guilty of this, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHERE ARE YOU PUTTING IT?

Why do we berate ourselves after something goes wrong?

Really, if you think about it, this behavior is totally counterintuitive.  You're already hurting and so…you pile on?

Obviously, this is learned behavior. 

Remember those childhood 'How could you's'?  And how about that 'This is for your own good'?

We inhale these words without understanding the long term impact, and years later use them on ourselves!

Anger is a natural human emotion - turning it inward is not!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CHECK IT OUT!

The next time you feel down try this:

1)  Ask yourself if something specific happened that you're upset about?

2)  Objectively describe what actually happened.

3)  How did you feel?

4)  Did you let yourself feel angry?

5)  How did you deal with your anger? 

AFTER THE FACT…

'What is wrong with me?'

'I should have known better!'

'How could I let that happen?'

'I didn't say 'NO!' loud enough!'

'I knew it was wrong but…'

These are the words of our Inner Bullys.

Whatever went wrong in the first place was bad enough but these self defeating mantras are always the final straw.

What do ya say?

Sound at all familiar?

Think it helps?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MAKING BELIEVE?

Somehow we get fed a bunch of distortions about the nature of humans and human families is particular.

Happy People

Happy Families

Happy endings

Nice stories but they have a tendency to blind us to reality and set us up for so much disappointment and 'reality crashes'!

When we buy into these stories it's like wearing blinders to what is actually in front of us…until the moment we fall into that rabbit hole and have no choice!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

REALITY -WHAT A CONCEPT!

Repeat after me:
Humans are not perfect - and that's reality!

Most of us have been strongly impacted by our history - and that's reality!

If we believe in the 'should' of perfection we often miss what is actually going on around us - AND THAT IS REALITY!