SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - INTIMIDATION

The whole issue of intimidation and submission is front and center these days.

The horrible and appalling stories in the news are affecting all of us, making us question our own histories.

The good news is this behavior is finally being outed.

Will it change underlying desire on the part of the perpetrators to intimidate and bully others to their will?

Your answer depends on both your own experience and your faith in the nature of our species.

What we can realistically hope, however, is that this publicity will enable us to better educate and empower ourselves.

We need to recognize the desire on the part of the doer to induce fear, to play on our sense of being in a weaker position and to frighten us into doing what they want.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

ARE YOU SUSCEPTABLE?

Think about what forces might have made you susceptible to bullying and intimidation.

In many ways we are habituated to accepting the control of those in power from a very young age…

Ask yourself what voices from your early years might have contributed to a predisposition to 'cave'.

Do you feel guilty if you say 'no'?

What do you perceive is the underlying threat to you?

WHERE'S THE POWER?

"I knew it wasn't good for me to do but…"

"I didn't really feel like I had a choice."

"You know," she continued, "I felt my job was on the line."

He told me a similar story only in his case it had to do with a medical treatment he had questions about…

What do ya say?

Ever find yourself reacting like this in a situation where you felt someone else held all the power?

How did you handle it?

BEEN THERE…

He started the meeting with a familiar, old refrain.

"Everything bad happens to me!  My life is sh@#!"

"Whoa," I thought, "he hasn't said that in awhile.  I wonder what triggered that old tune…"

Hers was a different tune - but also old:

"I made a mistake," she lamented in a pitiful voice, "and now it's all ruined!  I spoke up and should have kept my mouth shut!"

I hadn't heard that from her in a long time either, and also wondered what prompted that old wimpy place.

What do ya say?

Ever catch yourself singing old tunes?

Ever wonder why?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE SEDUCTION OF 'INSTANT'

Our Western Culture has been intrigued with the concept of NOW and immediate. 

In our current social media culture, 'instant' has taken on an even more prominent position.

Our Native Cultures had a different view - perhaps because they were more connected to nature.

Our internal human system - our neurology, psychology and physiology have their own logic that needs to be respected.

If we look for instant change, we get discouraged.

If we believe in instant internal change, we sabotage our actual forward momentum by not recognizing it!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

5 STEPS FOR CHANGE

We've been here before, but when it comes to positive change, these steps are crucial!

1)  Look for the mini shifts

2)  Be compassionate with yourself

3)  Acknowledge what you are doing

4)  Appreciate your efforts

5)  Applaud your changes

KIIAAH!

"It all sounds so simple," he said, "but…"

He looked at me despairingly.

"How come I don't get it" he moaned.

"How come I keep doing the same stuff over and over again?"

He was talking about repeating old emotional patterns... 

So, I told him the oft-repeated words of a revered Kung Fu Master:

"The method is very simple," the master said casually, "it is the perseverance that is most difficult…" (The Complete Book of Shaolin by Wong Kiew Kit)

What do ya say?

You get it, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - BALANCING THE DARK WITH LIGHT

Crucial to our healthy survival is finding a way to not let the negative become our total reality - even when it feels that way!

It's easy to find and focus on the nasty bits - the days' news, a negative comment, a crossed eye glance - no denying they are out there.

Maybe it takes a little more focus to find the light, but with practice, the rewards are immense!

The sparkle of light, the movement of the sun, an unexpected smile - if we let them fill us, even for a moment - we create balance and perhaps as that old belief goes, as we heal ourselves, we also heal our world!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THE PRACTICE OF INTERNALIZING LIGHT

It really is about practice - and volition!

Remember the White Queen in Alice in Wonderland and her mantra of believing a certain number of impossible things before breakfast?

Can you find 3 tiny moments of light in your day?

What happens as you do this?

TIME OUT

I was going to start this weeks post by talking about how current events are affecting everyone - how most meetings now begin with 'can you believe?' or 'OMG I can't believe!'

How the stress of each days' 'breaking news' permeates everything, and, more importantly how to take care of ourselves so that these constant external stressors don't overwhelm our lives.

As I began my research something caught my eye…

My breathing changed and I began laughing as I got lost in the world of baby pandas at an amazing place called Chengdu…

want a smile?

What do ya say?  You do get the point, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - REALITY - WHAT A CONCEPT

Denial … reality…denial… reality…

We seem - sometimes - to believe that if we don't see it, it's not there.

The problem, of course, is that if it is there, and we refuse to see it, like a snake in the grass it's hard to avoid the bite!

What makes us deny what is often so obvious to others?

One reason might be our fear of being scolded, blamed and labeled 'bad'.  Another might be facing the need to make changes.

If it's something someone else is doing that we are closing our eyes to, we are sometimes afraid of the consequences for us of facing their behavior.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT DO YOU AVOID SEEING?

Look at this past week.  

Can you unearth some of the reality around you that you chose not to deal with?

What were the consequences?

REALITY CHECK

"I'm not doing much this week, but for some reason I'm really tired and stressed out," she whined.

I asked her to describe the last two days to me…

Yikes!  Halfway through her recitation I wanted to get into bed!

Here's another one:

He was complaining about what a nag his wife is.

"She's constantly on me to pick up things I leave on the floor, you know," he continued, "like my dirty clothes and wet laundry."

Of course none of us like to be harassed or pushed, so I asked him how long he had left these things on the floor.

"Oh," he answered, "two or three days…"

What do ya say?

Can you see the problem?

Can you relate?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - FINDING BALANCE… AGAIN

We are all affected by events around us - the weather for sure, interactions with others, all types of internal and external stressors. 

We're usually aware that something is going on and often acknowledge the feelings that these things cause.

But sometimes we forget that awareness is only the first step…

We need follow through - a means of healing the internal off-balance we experience.

Many cultures stress the importance of re-balancing within ourselves, with nature and with those around us.

Our native cultures use rituals to bring harmony back to individuals and their community. read more

Many cultures focus their medicine on rebalancing the individuals internal system.

read more

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THREE STEPS FOR PERSONAL HEALING

1.  AWARENESS

          Ask yourself :

          How are you feeling?

          What recently happened that might be affecting you?

2)  ACTIVATE YOUR 'REPAIR'

          Ask yourself:

          What can I do?

          Who can I talk to?

          What physical steps will help?

3)  ACKNOWLEDGE THE SHIFT

          Thank yourself!

          Thank others!

          

REBALANCING THE SOUL

The dark of winter…

Cold and dreary.

Smart animals hibernate.

What do you do to stay in balance?

Music? (Try Fosse 'Life is just a bowl of cherries')

Dance? (Ever watched Whirling Dervishes?)

Books? (Mysteries?)

Movies? (Remember that guy who cured his heart problems with hours of old comedy movies?)

Crawling under the bed?

Only partly kidding… sometimes it's really okay to do that hibernation thing…

What do ya say?

How do you make it through these dark days?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SET YOURSELF UP TO…FAIL?

We often think it's an excellent idea to empower our own inner bullies. 

We have a tendency to believe that the part of us that pushes us, scolds us and whacks us into shape is actually a strength.

In reality, what we create is a push/pull dynamic that at best paralyses us and at worst makes failure probable!

It is not in our nature to like being pushed and we naturally fight back.  Sometimes we rebel overtly and sometimes we create 'drag' by slumping into the victim 'I can't' position!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT THE WAYS YOU MAY HAVE INADVERTANTLY SET UP THIS NO-WIN DYNAMIC…

What are some of your inner Bully riffs?

How often do you scold yourself?  Push yourself?

Criticize your efforts?

Have you really found this to be effective… in the long run?

RESOLUTIONS?  YEAH…SURE…

Think about this:

Every year that you make those same old resolutions you are actually 'feeding' your inner Bully - that part of us that scolds, 'shoulds' and shakes a giant stick as we fail…

What if this year your resolution is to assassinate that toxic Bully?

What do ya say? Can you do it?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TILTING

When things change in our lives - a move, a crisis, even an unexpected encounter- we can easily get thrown off center. 

If we don't re-calibrate and re-center, it's easy to walk around lopsided!

What does this mean emotionally?

Unfortunately, it's an open invitation to old, often destructive, coping behaviors!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

DID YOU LOSE IT?

Looking back over 2017 ask yourself what events might have caused you to lose your center.

Were there clues that might have helped you recognize the tilt?  Sometimes we feel it in our bodies, and sometimes the clue is actually our own changed behavior:  using old coping mechanisms which might include: over indulging in food or drink, withdrawing from others or becoming hyper.

Did you use any of these old behaviors to get through?

Were they actually harmful or healing?

Do you feel back in balance now?

If not, what can you do to re-center?

WHERE'S THE BOUNCE?

Check out this story:

"I was doing really well", she said.  "And then… it just all fell apart."

"No big thing," she continued.  

"Just lots of little bumps and crashes… and the next I knew I was down in the dumps and felt like nothing was working anymore…"

"And the worst thing," she wailed, "before this no matter what happened, I bounced back… but now?" 

"No bounce!"

What do ya say?  Can you relate?