SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - REALITY - WHAT A CONCEPT

Denial … reality…denial… reality…

We seem - sometimes - to believe that if we don't see it, it's not there.

The problem, of course, is that if it is there, and we refuse to see it, like a snake in the grass it's hard to avoid the bite!

What makes us deny what is often so obvious to others?

One reason might be our fear of being scolded, blamed and labeled 'bad'.  Another might be facing the need to make changes.

If it's something someone else is doing that we are closing our eyes to, we are sometimes afraid of the consequences for us of facing their behavior.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT DO YOU AVOID SEEING?

Look at this past week.  

Can you unearth some of the reality around you that you chose not to deal with?

What were the consequences?

REALITY CHECK

"I'm not doing much this week, but for some reason I'm really tired and stressed out," she whined.

I asked her to describe the last two days to me…

Yikes!  Halfway through her recitation I wanted to get into bed!

Here's another one:

He was complaining about what a nag his wife is.

"She's constantly on me to pick up things I leave on the floor, you know," he continued, "like my dirty clothes and wet laundry."

Of course none of us like to be harassed or pushed, so I asked him how long he had left these things on the floor.

"Oh," he answered, "two or three days…"

What do ya say?

Can you see the problem?

Can you relate?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GET REAL!

"Why can't they just…"

One of the most powerful steps in our personal evolution is when we can answer that question with:

"I get it! They can't because that's not who they are!"

Whether I spend time with them or not is a choice I make … BUT…

It has to be based on who they really are, not who I want them to be!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

What happens when you take a moment to look at your significant relationships?

Check it out:  Parents?  Children?  Friends?  Partners? 

How realistically do you look at these people?

Do you actually like them or just your fantasy of who they should be?

Do you keep trying to change them into who you want them to be or can you allow yourself to enjoy the reality?

Do you get angry at them when they don't 'perform' to your guidelines?

Do you think that their performance has something to do with how they feel about you - instead of who THEY are?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MARKERS?

Our societal symbols used to change slowly enough for us to adjust and be able to read the new cues. 

We could tell by dress, behavior and speech patterns who and what we were dealing with.

Whether we liked it or not, this predictability created some sense of stability.

Perhaps some of today's increased anxiety is related to these rapidly disappearing markers and the uncertainty this creates?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

REORIENTATION IN TIMES OF RAPID CHANGE

Step 1:  Recognize the new truths…

          *Fast changes

          *Loss of markers

          *Increased anxiety

Do you get the drift?

We can only 'ground' ourselves by acknowledging and then dealing with reality!

  

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - FEAR THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

The good:  Recognizing danger.

The bad:  Denying it exists.

The ugly:  Panicking and feeling paralyzed.

The best:  Acknowledging what frightens you and understanding what's behind it and coming up with healthy life strategies to deal with the situation!

What are you afraid of?

Yeah, we all know snakes, right?  

But unless you live in a snake infested area, this one isn't too high on your fix-it list…

The dark?  

Ok, another of those probably, hard wired primitive ones.  

But unless you live in an electricity free zone this one's easy…

So, what really frightens you?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

FACING FEARS

Try making a list of what frightens you.

Is this difficult to do?

Easy?

Next, ask yourself where and when those particular fears came into your life.

See if you can deconstruct your fear to the degree that it actually becomes understandable - that 'Oh, yeah, I got it!' moment.

It might be a scene from your childhood when you felt helpless to defend yourself…

Or a moment when others had more power to make the rules…

How did you deal with it then?

Are you still really that same powerless little person?

Feel your grown up strength and power.

OUCH!

When I pulled my QL muscle the pain was pretty nasty, and frankly, I was worried about it... Until I read a description of the intensity of pain this can cause:

"Person may have to drop on all fours due to pain from the QL."

When I mentioned what a relief it was to read this I got a really interesting, and consistent response:

"Yeah, I can understand why it was a relief," they said.

"At least you knew you weren't crazy!"

WHOA!

Actually, I never thought I was crazy…

What do ya say?

Do you invalidate your own experiences by thinking you're crazy?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MONKEYS?

Remember those three monkeys?

They are a great image to remind us of this seductive behavior - not seeing, hearing or verbalizing what's right there and obvious.

What makes it so tempting to pretend that this time it will be different - with everything the same?

Perhaps it is that very predictability of outcome that makes this fantasy truly addictive?

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Here's a story to think about and a question to answer:

"My dad," he insisted, "is a really great guy…"

Okay, he stole money, cheated on my mom, and got into trouble with the police… but poor guy has just had a run of bad luck…

He's really a sweetie - and he loves me!"

The subtext is:

If I pay attention to his behavior, see it, hear it, and acknowledge it… 
What then? 

Do I have to hate him?

Never talk to him again?

Disown him?

Or might there be another alternative? 

Is it possible to deal with reality and still care?

LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE…

So, who is this person Pollyanna and what's her story? read more

How many times have you heard someone say:

"Well, I know I'm supposed to look on the bright side but…"

And the 'but' is - where is the line between the Pollyanna blind, 'ostrich sticking its head in the sand' energy, and gloom and doom?

How do we find the balance that allows us to be realistic and take care of ourselves without slipping into the morass of negativity?

What do ya say?

How do you find the balance… or do you?

To comment click below

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE COST OF INNOCENCE

Being naïve is lauded in our songs … and might be nice in a moment… but is not a healthy life strategy!

In order to maintain this stance one has to ignore all the clues - remember that line:  "Oh, Grandma!  What big teeth you have!"

In our fairy tales this innocence and naivety is rewarded with the advent of the handsome prince or princess and the pot of gold.

Reality is closer to feeling gob smacked!  Would you really want to kiss a frog?   

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Accepting real as a positive experience means:

*  Giving up on being a fairy prince or princess

*  Getting it that the guy couldn't really climb up that tower on Rapunzel's  hair      remember this one?

*  A kiss never turns a frog into a prince

*  Ants don't always win over grasshoppers

*  Helping others isn't always the way into their hearts

Now take any of those myths you grew up with and turn them on their heads and see what happens.

What do you feel?

To comment click below

REALITY LET YOU DOWN?

"I don't really think I'm so out of line with my expectations… but geeze I keep being disappointed… family members, my boyfriend, my buddies, sooner or later they all let me down…" she was really bewildered with these outcomes.

"I'm a nice person but eventually - boom!  All the people in my life really act like …well… jerks!

What's wrong with this picture?

Might the expectation that things will go a certain way have something to do with our somewhat skewed beliefs about reality? 

What do ya say?

Were you one of those people who wanted to be a horse when you grew up?

You know what I'm saying, right?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IF WISHES COULD WASH DISHES…

Do you get angry because of situations that should be different?

Do people hurt your feelings by acting in ways that probably were predictable - but not what you wanted?

Remember, knowing what to expect doesn't necessarily mean enjoying the behavior. 

Recognizing who someone is or what the situation brings with it isn't always great.  But faking yourself out with unrealistic expectations is a guarantee for trouble!

It can be challenging to see things as they are - we grow up with many 'shoulds' about our behavior and that of others. 

Dealing with reality doesn't mean giving up our ideals - it just means taking care of ourselves!   

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

REMEMBER THAT SAYING FROM CHILDHOOD: 

'IF WISHES COULD WASH DISHES THAN HORSES WOULD FLY?' 

Maybe slightly paraphrased but you get the idea, right? 

We all have dreamed about impossible situations becoming reality.  The problem comes when we trick ourselves into forgetting what's real … which usually leads to a major CRASH!

Think about some of the situations in your life where you were shocked by someone's behavior:

Maybe the actions of a boss or co-worker?

How about the way a partner or spouse acted that took you by surprise?

A nasty comment about your appearance from a friend or relative?

Now ask yourself if the action of the other person was really surprising based on who they are and how they have acted in the past.

How many times did they act in this same manner?

How often can you imagine someone, with their personality, in the same situation really acting differently? 

Be honest on this one - it's not about how you want someone to act or how you feel they should act, but about what is predictable.

Now ask yourself what you felt when this happened? 

Hurt?  Angry?  Dismayed?  Betrayed?

And finally ask yourself how you would have felt if you had expected them to act exactly in the predictable way they behaved?

Would you have made different choices if you expected this behavior?

  

COMING THIS SUNDAY - ONE OF OUR FAVORITE 'OLD FRIENDS' - PHYSICAL THERAPIST GREG TAYLOR BRINGS US 'FALLING FOR YOU'.  CHECK IT OUT!

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TELL IT LIKE IT IS!

"He was sooo mean to me," she wailed in a voice way more familiar in a 15 year old than a grown lady of 30 plus years.

What was she talking about?  Her ex-boyfriend, who she dumped, didn't want to help her move.

Mean?  Hmmmm…

And how about this one:

"My girlfriend," the 45 year old guy complained, "is acting so immature!"

Ok, guess how old the girlfriend was?

Try 23.  Immature?  Yup.  Acting just like a 23 year old.

Now what, you might ask, is the moral of this story?

'If it looks like a duck…'

Really, life is so much easier if our expectations are in line with reality!

What do ya say?

How many times have you been 'shocked' by someone acting in the most predictable manner?

COMING THIS SUNDAY - ANOTHER WONDERFUL 'OLD FRIENDS' POST.  CHECK IT OUT...

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