SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - INTIMIDATION

The whole issue of intimidation and submission is front and center these days.

The horrible and appalling stories in the news are affecting all of us, making us question our own histories.

The good news is this behavior is finally being outed.

Will it change underlying desire on the part of the perpetrators to intimidate and bully others to their will?

Your answer depends on both your own experience and your faith in the nature of our species.

What we can realistically hope, however, is that this publicity will enable us to better educate and empower ourselves.

We need to recognize the desire on the part of the doer to induce fear, to play on our sense of being in a weaker position and to frighten us into doing what they want.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

ARE YOU SUSCEPTABLE?

Think about what forces might have made you susceptible to bullying and intimidation.

In many ways we are habituated to accepting the control of those in power from a very young age…

Ask yourself what voices from your early years might have contributed to a predisposition to 'cave'.

Do you feel guilty if you say 'no'?

What do you perceive is the underlying threat to you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GETTING OUT OF THE LOOP

Why hold onto self defeating beliefs - especially once you realize how toxic they are?

We've all heard people say negative things about themselves, ignoring any information that points in a different direction.

Haven't you wondered about this?

There has to be a payoff, right?

So, next time you're caught in a self defeating loop ask yourself: 'What is believing this actually doing for me?' 

'Is it protective?  Is it trying to get me to look at something that I am avoiding?'

It truly is a part of human nature to go in the direction of rewards - even when we might not see them!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TO GET OUT OF THE LOOP TAKE THESE 4 STEPS:

1)  Find your negative loops:  What do you keep saying about yourself? 

        I'm lazy

        I'm not likable

        I'm mean, selfish, unlovable, not skilled…

2)  Find the 'proof' you use to reinforce the loop.

        I don't have as many friends as others

        I don't make as much money as others

        I get involved with people who are not good for me

3)  Ask yourself when you started believing this about yourself.

        Who might have introduced you to this way of thinking?

4)  Finally ask yourself what might change in your life if you got out of the loop?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DISAPPOINTED MUCH?

What does 'disappointment' do for us?

Perhaps a strange question but if we think about it we really are almost always a participant in this feeling…

No one can disappointment you unless you have created an expectation of how they should act…

The more observant you are, the closer your expectations are to reality and the less disappointed you can be!

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

If you choose to overlook reality and become disappointed you need to ask yourself what you gain from the feeling.

Think about a situation where you have felt disappointed and check out if any of these possible answers fit for you:

*  I get to feel like a victim

*  I get to feel sorry for myself

*  I get to make others feel sorry for me

*  I get to make the other person look bad

*  I don't have to change my own behavior

*  The outcome is predictable and therefore strangely safe

ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE SECONDARY GAINS - USUALLY UNCONSCIOUS REASONS FOR HOLDING ONTO AN UNDESIRABLE CONDITION!

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HELICOPTER RIDES

The last two days posts on 'Take Aways' brought so much response that it is obvious there is more to say on this one…

Check out these three great comments:

The first came from a woman who has just gone through two deaths in her family.  

"I think I'm pretty good at the topic of yesterday's post," she stated with justifiable pride. 

"The last year has been a non-stop learning experience for me and I know I am a stronger and healthier person now then I was before these losses." 

By learning about her own resilience and strength she is able to interact with others in a new way, taking better care of herself in her world.

Another one of our readers also used adversity as a transformative experience, taking some truly frightening legal situations as an opportunity to work out unfinished emotional family business, coming out of the situation actually lighter and happier!

The third true story comes from a man who had a really frightening medical emergency that nearly killed him! 

When he told me about his experience he did mention the details of what happened, but his focus was on the positive 'Take Aways' -  the sharp ER room tech who diagnosed his condition, his amazing medevac helicopter ride, the wonderful nurses who advocated to get him exactly the care he needed and the magical experience of his hospital roomie who filled the space with evangelical prayers, laughter and joy.

What do ya say?

Can you take the ride?

INCOMING… INDIRECT HITS!

Do you know what these are?

Can you see them coming?

Can you duck?

These emotionally lethal sneak attacks are designed to get under your defensive shield…and tend to be highly effective!

Check it out:

"My daughter called me at midnight," this 65 year old woman reported. 

"She was ranting about her son, who I love.  She went into great detail about every little flaw he has.  She supposedly wanted my help, but she didn't listen to a word I said and of course after she finally hung up I was up all night!"

Hmmm…

What do you think was the purpose of the daughter's call?

Do you think maybe the daughter just might have been angry… with her mother?

I mean, really?  Midnight?

What do ya say?

Ever been the recipient of an indirect hit?

Ever use this technique yourself?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SEE IT LIKE IT IS!

In reality, most of us are tuned in enough to read the signs.

We observe those around us and pick up the cues.

We are genetically engineered to be able to do this.  In the past it was crucial to our physical survival, and more and more it is now crucial for our emotional well being.

Why then, do we keep falling into traps?

There is one easy answer:  We often don't like the signs we see and want them to be different!

Remember those three monkeys?  You know, the ones covering their eyes, ears and mouths?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

REMOVE THE BLINDFOLDS, AND THE EARMUFFS AND TAKE YOUR HAND AWAY FROM YOUR MOUTH!

This one is pretty simple:

Think about some situations where the signs were actually clear but you walked into the trap anyhow…

Now think about what would have happened if you acted in accordance with the signs…

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

BIRDS DO IT…

No, not that!

This is about that fascinating phenomena we attribute to birds but see all the time in humans…  Fouling or spoiling the nest when it's time to leave.

Here are three stories:

"I just don't get it!  My granddaughter has been such a delight in our lives.  We are there for her 100% and now, suddenly, she acts like we are the devil!  We seem to annoy her constantly… and she is downright mean!"

"My boyfriend has suddenly changed.  He picks fights with me all the time and for things that never bothered him before!  I feel like he wants to break up but when I ask him he looks at me as if I were nuts!"

"This woman has been working for us for years.  I thought we had a good relationship but now she comes to work out of it and angry.  She drops things and breaks things and barely apologizes… I just don't get it!"

What do you think might be the common denominator in all three stories?

A hint:  

The objects of these stories are all dealing with leaving - the city, the job, school, and having a difficult time dealing with it!

What do ya say?

How do you handle saying goodbye?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE 102

What actually is P/A behavior?  

Clearly, it has to do with anger, right?

But anger disguised as incompetence, a mistake, a big 'Whoops!'

The idea of P/A is that the perp gets to act out anger without taking the consequences. 

I am sure you recognize the battle-cry of the P/A: 

"Who me?  Angry?  No way!"

We've been taught that anger is not acceptable, whether it is focused at a specific target or just generic, everyday annoyance.

P/A is the easy out.  Sort of an emotional 'hit and run'.

Those of us on the receiving end hate it because of how sneaky it is.  After all, how can you even think about berating someone who's so … weak?

 DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

CHECK OUT THIS LIST OF P/A BEHAVIOR… CAN YOU SEE THE PATTERN?

Sarcasm

Being late

Saying 'yes' and meaning 'no'

Making promises and not keeping them

Saying 'Oops' and 'Sorry' a lot

Dressing wrong for the occasion

Stepping on someone

Breaking things

Canceling last minute

Giving important info about an event last minute

Saying 'just kidding' after a verbal attack

Asking for 'rain checks' …

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

UMMM… UMMM…

Ever notice those really annoying space fillers?

I mean, seriously, what's wrong with a little silence between words - or even thoughts?

And how about that ubiquitous 'you know'?

And then there's the compounded 'you know… ummm…'

Yikes!  What is it with these people? 

Maybe they are afraid of those little green goblins that jump into empty spaces…

Ok, a little out there… But really…

What do ya say?

You don't do this, right?  

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO ARE YOU REALLY COMPETING WITH?

Why do siblings compete?

Why isn't there enough for everyone?

Is it our parents fault or a natural survival instinct that makes us react like this?

Is it really important to know how we got this way?

Maybe recognizing the starting place allows us to move on…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

RELEASING THE CHAINS OF SIBLING RIVALRY

Try asking yourself these questions:

What was the role of competition in my birth family?

What was my position in relation to competition in our family?

Am I still acting in this same role with the people in my life today?

Is competition okay for me today?

Is it a choice I'm making?

Do I feel controlled or in control in competitive situations?

Am I reacting or acting?                                                                                  

How aware am I about what is going on?

Does my behavior make me feel empowered or weakened?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

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