THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

"You have such beautiful skin!" she enthused.

"How do you do it?"

"Sun block," I answered.  "I wear it all the time"

"THAT'S RIDICULOUS!" she proclaimed in a very loud, angry and strident tone.

What do ya say?

Ever been down this particular rabbit hole?

On either side?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - REALITY - WHAT A CONCEPT

Denial … reality…denial… reality…

We seem - sometimes - to believe that if we don't see it, it's not there.

The problem, of course, is that if it is there, and we refuse to see it, like a snake in the grass it's hard to avoid the bite!

What makes us deny what is often so obvious to others?

One reason might be our fear of being scolded, blamed and labeled 'bad'.  Another might be facing the need to make changes.

If it's something someone else is doing that we are closing our eyes to, we are sometimes afraid of the consequences for us of facing their behavior.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT DO YOU AVOID SEEING?

Look at this past week.  

Can you unearth some of the reality around you that you chose not to deal with?

What were the consequences?

ANGER? NAH!

"No!"  He snapped.  "I am NOT angry!"

Hmmm…

Red face.

Loud voice.

Clenched fists.

Age two?

Nope.  Adult.

What do ya say?

Ever deny anger?

Ever see anyone else do it?

Weird, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - REALITY?

Remember that great Robin Williams line: 'Reality what a concept!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StPjkm1

We seem to have a difficult time with this one…

We see exaggerations of this difficulty when Anorexic people look at themselves in the mirror and see fat, or clearly overweight individuals still see their previous small size self…

We watch Diabetics wolf down sugar laden foods and really smart people downplaying their gifts.

Are we actually fooling ourselves?

What creates the need to pretend that we are different from what we are?

Perhaps part of it is growing up with such limited standards of what is acceptable?  Perhaps part of it is our buy in to not being okay with how we are? 

And perhaps a big part of it is unresolved anger about our reality and feeling inadequate to fix what we are angry about?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HERE'S A QUICKIE:

Think about your life and some of the things you are hiding from or pretending are different from what they are…

See if you can allow yourself to make a list.

Now, looking at them realistically ask yourself if you are ok with these things as is.

If you answer yes, great, be real about it.

If you answer no, give yourself permission to find a way to make changes!

WELL, DUH…

So, they did a study - you know, spent big bucks to figure out some otherwise unknown fact…

This one, after much research, stated that distance from a store selling tobacco products seemed to reduce the frequency of buying them. read more

No, I am not kidding!

But wait, it gets better.

Guess where this study was conducted?

Finland.

 

Where winter has periods of continuous darkness and temperatures can drop as low as -50C (-58F??) with snow and ice covering parts of the country from December to April…    Finland weather     

Uh huh. 

So, what's in this one for the rest of us?

Think about all those self evident, manifest, 'duh' situations you encounter.

What do ya say?

Do you need a million dollar study to acknowledge the obvious in your own life?

DEALING WITH ...

"I don't like to bother other people with my problems," she stated, "so I don't talk about things… Besides I'm a pretty private person."

Here's another one:

"Well, I didn't want to ruin the day for everyone else by saying what was going on with me…"

And here's my favorite:

"Okay, I was terrified about what was going on but I didn't want to say anything and upset my friends…"

Whoa!

Sorry to knock this out of the water BUT as well meaning as these folks might be, they are living in total denial!

Think about it…

If you are human you radiate energy, and in these cases we are talking  anger or sadness or fear…

Remember that old toast: 'Confusion to my enemies"?

What do ya say?

Could that possibly be the real goal?  Naaaah….

GIMME GIMME GIMME

"He's demanding, loud, schedules meetings at the last minute, messes up everyone else's schedule…  He's stingy but thinks he's generous.  He's bossy and controlling but thinks he's a team player…  He wants what he wants when he wants it and to hell with anyone else's needs - unless their needs happen to coincide with his agenda of the moment…" 

"Can an intelligent person really be so out of touch!"  

The guy who was talking gritted his teeth and shook his head.  "Actually, I might hate him…"

This particular refrain comes in many forms.  Here's another one:

"Can you believe she did that," this woman asked in an incredulous tone, "and thinks she's right and I'm wrong!"  "All my friends say I should cream her!" 

"Gimme, gimme, gimme, it is so annoying!  I mean I could tolerate it if she had a clue… but she is not at all aware of what she's doing…"

What they're talking about - okay, ranting about - are those people who hit and run, thinking they're on the side of the angels, while they create chaos for everyone around them - and then bemoan the fact that their lives are so hard!

What do ya say?

Got any of these characters in your life?  

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

GLUG, GLUG, GLUG…

So, we all remember that fable about the scorpion and the turtle, right?

You know, the one where the scorpion asks the turtle to ferry it across the river.  Of course the scorpion, promising to behave, stings the turtle mid-stream…

Remember the punch line?

"Hey, " explains Senor Scorpion to the confused and dying turtle, "what can I say?  It's in my nature…"

So the question for us is: 

How many times have we refused to see our friendly neighborhood scorpions for what they are… and imagined that we and our amazing - love, intelligence, persistence, being on the side of the angels - (pick any or all of the above) - could turn them into cuddly, lovey, cute, sweet…

You know what I'm saying, right?

GLUG, GLUG, GLUG…  

What do ya say? 

Ready to give up on this one?

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below. 

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING – DENIAL – A LITTLE BIT GOES A LONG WAY. . .

During difficult times we often have to fight the seesaw of denial on the one hand (that intense desire to stick our heads in the sand and pretend that everything is just fine ) – and abject pessimism on the other hand.

It’s a struggle to find the right balance that allows us to have the energy to deal with what ever is going on.

When others interfere by pushing one side or the other of this delicate balance, they can easily cause us unintended stress!






DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

So, what is the best way to respond when someone we care about is wading through those alligators?

That old acronym:  KISS – (Keep it simple Sweetie! – Yes, a slight adjustment…) actually goes a long way to answering how to react in this challenging situation.

Try:  Simple Words:
I’m sorry that you are going through this!
What can I do to help?
I’m here for you if there is anything I can do.

You get the idea – no advice unless asked for, no palliatives, no sounding the alarm by ‘sharing’ similar stories of disaster…

Try:  Simple actions:
Offer to bring food
Go grocery shopping
Pick up something or someone
Send flowers…

You get the idea – any ‘no strings attached’ assistance is great!

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING – PROJECTION AND DENIAL

These two types of behavior – denial and projection - are characterized as defense mechanisms.  

With denial we try to ‘disappear’ things and with projection we see our own attributes and behavior as belonging to others.

We develop these ways of acting as an attempt to cope with situations, feelings and attributes that seem unacceptable to us.

This tends to sensitize us to these same behaviors in others. 







DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE. . .

This is a perfect time to experiment with what we call ‘hot seat’ work, a fascinating tool used in Gestalt Therapy.

It is believed that this technique actually evolved from Actors Studio techniques of the 1940’s and ‘50s!

Give it a try!

Set 2 chairs up facing each other...

Sit in chair #1 and face ‘empty’ chair #2.

In the empty chair imagine someone you are angry with (for those of you who deny anger you can substitute the word ‘annoyed’.)

Really focus until you can see them clearly.  How do they look?

Now begin an imaginary conversation with this person telling them how annoying they are!

It might start something like this:

You:  I don’t like the way you act.  You are so annoying!

Tell them why – really get it off your chest.

Now switch chairs.  

Yes, actually go and sit in the empty chair.

This is the acting part and of course where we find projection…

So much easier to feel it in the role of someone else, right?

Become this other person.  Hold your body like they do – try out their tone of voice, their facial expression.

As person #2 respond to the accusations of person #1.  Really get into this role and give as good as you got!

For the non- actors among you it’s easy to accomplish the same thing by using your two hands.  Hand one is you – hand two is the other person.  

Go at it!

Like many of the experiments we do, the more you exaggerate and allow yourself to laugh, the easier it is to accept the kernels of truth!

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WHAT IS. . . DENIAL?

“She is despicable!” he actually shouted.

“I can not stand her!  She is rude, pushy, opinionated and a real Bully!”



Hmmm . . .

“So,” I asked him in my gentlest manner, “Does she remind you of anyone?”

“NO!” he stated categorically. 

“I do not know anyone else like that!”

Hmmm, again. . .

I know if I asked that question to his wife and kids they’d have a totally different answer.

Ever stop to think that maybe the things we despise most in others push those buttons in us because they are a little too close to home?

What do ya think?  Can you try this one on for size?



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HANGING OUT IN LEFT FIELD

“I didn’t see it coming,” she lamented.  “I suppose I should have. . . I mean, four different people warned me!”

“’Watch out for that guy,’ they said.”  “He’s bad news. . .”  “You can’t trust him. . .”

“But me, I totally didn’t see it coming!  And it really hurt my feelings when he treated me in such an ugly way!”

 


So, what makes us ignore warning sirens and the signs of incoming missiles?


What do ya say?  Been there?


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