SHOULD NOT!

Should…should…should…should…

I should do…

I should have done…

I should feel…

I shouldn't feel…

YIKES!

What do ya say?

Does this noise make sense to you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SET YOURSELF UP TO…FAIL?

We often think it's an excellent idea to empower our own inner bullies. 

We have a tendency to believe that the part of us that pushes us, scolds us and whacks us into shape is actually a strength.

In reality, what we create is a push/pull dynamic that at best paralyses us and at worst makes failure probable!

It is not in our nature to like being pushed and we naturally fight back.  Sometimes we rebel overtly and sometimes we create 'drag' by slumping into the victim 'I can't' position!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT THE WAYS YOU MAY HAVE INADVERTANTLY SET UP THIS NO-WIN DYNAMIC…

What are some of your inner Bully riffs?

How often do you scold yourself?  Push yourself?

Criticize your efforts?

Have you really found this to be effective… in the long run?

RESOLUTIONS?  YEAH…SURE…

Think about this:

Every year that you make those same old resolutions you are actually 'feeding' your inner Bully - that part of us that scolds, 'shoulds' and shakes a giant stick as we fail…

What if this year your resolution is to assassinate that toxic Bully?

What do ya say? Can you do it?

AFTER THE FACT…

'What is wrong with me?'

'I should have known better!'

'How could I let that happen?'

'I didn't say 'NO!' loud enough!'

'I knew it was wrong but…'

These are the words of our Inner Bullys.

Whatever went wrong in the first place was bad enough but these self defeating mantras are always the final straw.

What do ya say?

Sound at all familiar?

Think it helps?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO YELLED AT YOU?

Unfortunately, a lot of our learning is based on systematic bullying.

We get scolded, yelled at, labeled, branded with 'bad' grades…

Often, our teachers, parents and doctors have bought into this system of teaching.  After all, it was how they learned…

And of course, if learning tasks was our only life goal, it might work…  But at what cost?

Remember that 'kick the cat' line?  Each person abusing the one just a little lower on the totem pole?

One of the saddest pieces of this story is how we abuse ourselves!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHO YELLED AT YOU?

Can you remember …

          Being scolded?

          Yelled at?

          Ridiculed?

          Called names?

          Hit?

Can you remember how these things affected you?

And most importantly can you see how you might have passed on this legacy?

          To others?

          To yourself?

Imagine having a dialog with the bully part of yourself.  

Can you suggest it take a walk?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY COUNT…

How many times have you heard someone - yourself maybe? - say they just learned something new and followed it up with:

  'I should have already known this!'

  'Everyone else already does…'

  'Why did it take me so long?'

  'All those wasted years!'

Clearly, a pitfall of those 'aha!' moments is the seemingly open invitation to our inner bully to jump on board.

Perhaps an explanation of the emergence of that well meaning inner bully at times of potential transformation, is to protect us from the destabilization of our previous beliefs that new learning can create?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

IN ORDER TO LIMIT THE BACKWARDS DRAG OF YOUR INNER BULLY VOICE…

LEARN TO CELEBRATE CHANGE ONE TINY STEP AT A TIME! 

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CHANGING THE PARADIGM

Once upon a time, flogging was considered a just punishment for 'bad' behavior…

Somehow, those whacks and the bloody traces they left behind were supposed to bring about a great behavioral transformation and healing.

Ouch!

Does this theory have any validity?  Actually recent studies show that self excoriation - we're talking verbal here - actually slows down our healing process!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

  An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THE PRACTICE OF KINDNESS IN SIX EASY STEPS

1)  As an experiment, for one day, keep track of all the 'flogging' you give yourself - the negative words, scolding, and 'how could yous'.

2)  Count them up. 

3)  Ask yourself if they helped you perform better/feel better.

4)  Now try one day where you drop the Bully voice.

5)  Create - and listen to an inbuilt, personal cheerleader.

6)  How many times a day did you stand up for yourself and encourage yourself - and cheer?

7)  How was your performance this day?  Did you perform better?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IS IT HELPING?

Think about some of the things you don't do…

Is it because you are afraid of your own inner Bully?

If you say 'I don't do that because I'm not good at it' that's your Bully voice getting in the way…

Does it really matter if you're not good at it?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about some of those things that you avoid or quit doing because you believe that you can't do them 'good enough'.

What's on your list?

  Dancing?

  Trying to speak another language?

  Cooking?

  On-line dating?

  Telling jokes?

  Trying anything new?

Now ask yourself what your Bully voice does to stop you.

  Call you names?

  Tells you you're not good at it?

  Make faces at you?

Ludicrous?

Really give yourself a minute to think about this…

Other than that inner judge, what's stopping you?

To comment, click below…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE ART OF FALLING

The very first lesson our Chinese Martial Arts instructor taught us was how to fall…

And the very first lesson our German ski instructor taught us was… how to fall.

Interesting convergence of wisdom East and West…

If you are in the sport you have to develop the ability to fall! 

Here's an interesting way to think about it:  Momentum, especially forward momentum, comes with an equal pull of gravity…

To survive and thrive, part of our job is to gracefully fall and rebound.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

…ALL FALL DOWN?

So what are some survival strategies when it feels like the life tsunami hits?  Check out these possibilities…

Revert to age two and throw up your hands in the air, stomp and scream. 

Or…

Take a page from the book of your favorite sailor and swear up a blue storm, creatively of course…

And then there's always…

Kick something inanimate…

The idea here is to do something - short term - to relieve some of the anger we feel when it all falls apart - giving yourself permission to feel the frustration and release it.

The next step is to find a way to mentally separate the elements that you need to deal with so that it doesn't feel like you are under an earth slide. 

Make a list with priorities and give yourself a gold star each time you deal with something even if it isn't completed. 

When things go off kilter we tend to give ourselves a hard time on top of everything else - to have our internal bully voices triggered. 

We need to balance this by invoking our inner BFF to pat us on the back and smile at even the tiny steps forward - it's how we build that momentum again!

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And check out our newest adventure:  'Mini-Medi's' - tiny moments in time to help you focus on what you want … perhaps better described as quickie ventures into the magical world of hypnosis…  www.cdbaby.com/artist/carolshapiro

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - STAYING GROUNDED

We humans like to have solid ground under our feet - physically and emotionally.

During those times when a lot is up in the air, we tend to get anxious.

It often feels as if the cracks between our metaphorical floorboards are too large and our existence can feel precarious.

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

During unstable times we are most likely to engage our inner Bully - the part of us that yells, "How in heaven's name did you ever get into this mess!"

What happens next is predictable:

Inner Bullies attract inner Victims ("Oh, you are so right, I am a total mess!") and inner Rebels ("To hell with this!  I'm out of here!").

This three part play is the worst possible way to deal with times of instability!

Instead:  Engage your inner BFF - (you know - Best Friend Forever). 

This is the part of you that is kind, supportive and really helpful! 

It might say:  "Hey, I get it!  Too many loose ends right now but we'll sort it out.  Hang in there!  I'm here.  Remember to breathe!"

To strengthen your connection to your inner BFF, ask yourself:

What does this part of me look like?

Sound like?

How old is it?

What do ya say?  Can you make the shift?

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