WHAT CAN I DO?

These days this is a constant refrain … right after "I am so stressed!" 

And

"I feel so helpless."

In Judaism there is a strong belief in the obligation we each have to help in the process of Tikkun Olam, or healing the world.

What can you do?

Perhaps you can make one person feel better today?

What do ya say?

You understand the concept, right?

Even one act of kindness helps to heal ourselves and our world.

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE POWER OF BELIEF

More and more we are learning about how intention, belief and 'positive thinking' affect our bodies.

It's not just hocus pocus!

We can now actually measure brain activity and calibrate different aspects of emotional mood and its connection to healing. 

We have more of an understanding of how religion, chants, meditation and symbols can actually impact our well being and help us move from the pain of hopelessness into the healthier realm of hope!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT DO YOU USE TO FOCUS YOUR INTENTION?

When you feel lost, powerless and hopeless, when you find yourself in that ' it's not fair' space, when you've done all the 'right' things but still are not getting the response you want…

Look for something larger than yourself

Focus on beauty

Breathe

Listen to music that takes you out of the 'here and now'

Try using mantras, magical symbols, good luck charms, protective amulets…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IT IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!

Life deals.  We react.

Some of our reactions are old and programmed by our past - by our childhoods, cultures, life experiences…

But

We are not without choices!

One big choice is to work through the old beliefs and create a new sense of freedom.

It is possible!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CHANGE IS NOT DENIAL OF THE PAST!

Acknowledge where you might be stuck.

First, look at your old beliefs and conditioning.

Next, recognize that most of these are learned responses and as such can be un- learned!

Forgive yourself and others as a way of letting go of the past.  This one might take some time and effort!

Now, catch yourself acting out those old beliefs.

And finally, experiment with new behavior.

KIIAAH!

"It all sounds so simple," he said, "but…"

He looked at me despairingly.

"How come I don't get it" he moaned.

"How come I keep doing the same stuff over and over again?"

He was talking about repeating old emotional patterns... 

So, I told him the oft-repeated words of a revered Kung Fu Master:

"The method is very simple," the master said casually, "it is the perseverance that is most difficult…" (The Complete Book of Shaolin by Wong Kiew Kit)

What do ya say?

You get it, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TIKKUN OLAM

Nothing says it as beautifully as this:

When we reach out and help others - and when we accept help - we are participants in the process of healing the world.

Could anything be more important, more sacred, than this?

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MAN PLANS AND GOD LAUGHS

Hey, you've heard this one, right?

A truly deep teaching on acceptance…

But…

It has always seemed a little dark.

So…

What if we join in the laughter and get the joke?

What do ya say?

Do you get it?

Laugh much?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - OBSESS MUCH?

We're actually not talking about a clinical diagnosis.

No, what we're referring to is that garden variety, every day, getting stuck on a theme that most of us find ourselves sliding into from time to time.

This mild form of obsessing is common enough that it can probably go into the category of 'normal but annoying' human behavior.

Remember we are not referring to a prolonged or constant behavior that needs more serious intervention!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

USE IT TO LOSE IT!

Obsessing about something often indicates 'unfinished business'.

Ask yourself what you can do to be done with the subject you are stuck on. 

Do you need to change how you are handling something?

Do you need to have a conversation with someone?  An imaginary dialog?

Do you need to find a productive way to handle anger that you might be feeling?

HEALING BACKWARDS…

Check out this story:
"She was a really rotten mother and my husband can't believe I still talk to her… but I do it for me. 

I know it sounds weird, but I needed to find a way to get rid of the pain she caused.

And amazingly, when I watch her with our baby, how loving she is, somehow I feel like I'm receiving that love too…"

Here's another one:

"He was an awful father, a real bully - demanding, and mean. 

Now he's in his 80's and at first I felt really bitter about all the help and support he needs and never gave to me…

But when I'm with him, I am conscious of giving him what I wanted him to give me throughout all those years growing up - love, support, kindness...

It amazes me, but somehow giving it to him now is slowly shifting all that old pain and closing the wounds…"

What do ya say?

Does this make sense to you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHERE Y'AT?

Things happen to us and to those we love.  We get older, our parents get old.  We get sick, people die, accidents happen.

All of this is the nature of life.

Doom and gloom?

No… just part of our reality and no matter what we have to deal with, how we position ourselves in relation to these events has a significant impact on our experience.

Feel like a Victim?  Out of control? 

Studies actually show that this life position makes us hurt more and heal slower!

Feeling sad is a real and natural emotion.  Being angry and feeling scared are also real.  

These emotions come and go as we deal with moments in our lives. We experience them and move through them.  This is a natural part of being human.

Being stuck in one position is usually an indication of a malfunction of this natural flow of emotion.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS              

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CHECK OUT YOUR POSITION

Do you find yourself saying:

          'It's not fair!'

          'Why me?'

          'They have it so much easier!'

We all go into this position sometimes… and sometimes is ok…

Ask yourself how often you do this:

          Everyday?

          Once a week?

          Only when something difficult happens?

How long do you stay in this position?

          A minute?

          An hour?

          Years?

Who are you comparing yourself with?

          A sibling?

          A friend?

          A mythical/movie character?

Now ask yourself if continuing to hold onto this position is what you want.

If you decide to release yourself from this Victim grip try this:

Every time you find yourself sliding into the role, exaggerate it. Add sound effects, facial expressions, wolf-style howls …

See what happens as you do this.

  

  

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ANGER? SADNESS? GRIEF?

These emotions are normal and actually part of our healing process.

We get in trouble when we start chastising ourselves for having these feelings - a guaranteed strategy for prolonging our distress and getting stuck in the very emotions we attempt to bully ourselves out of!

When things feel out of control we get frightened and tend to look for a way to gain more control - logical, right?

However one of our favorite mechanisms seems to be releasing our inner bully to handle things. 

Our bully voice takes over with its 'shoulds', its rules and mandates, scolding us and demanding we figure out what we did to cause the chaos.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

KNOW YOUR ENEMY!

Can you recognize your bully voice?

You might have heard it first from your mother, father, an older sibling, a teacher…

All well intentioned of course!

And then we internalize it and use it on ourselves…

5 FUN STEPS TO STOP THAT BULLY!

1)  Catch the sound bite!

2)  Say it out loud!

3)  Exaggerate it!

4)  Talk back!                                                                        ('You are not helping!  You are making things worse!  Leave!')

5)  Replace it with your inner ally! 

('It's ok!  Hang in there!  We'll figure it out!')

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE GIFT OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS

Realistic expectations are crucial in human emotional dealing and healing.

When something happens that 'gets under our skin' it's usually for a good reason! 

Sometimes it's because it is totally unexpected and we feel blindsided.  In these cases we hold onto it as if that will allow us to be prepared the next time something hits out of the blue.

Sometimes an incident is difficult to walk away from because it taps into old unfinished family drama.  Once we realize what old story it is tapping into we can use it to help us take a step in healing the old wound.

And sometimes something happens that challenges our view of how things should be in the world!  These experiences are particularly difficult because in order to resolve them we have to revise our own beliefs!

The most important - and beneficial - aspect of unfinished business is to see it as a potential opportunity for personal growth!

 DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

Do you find yourself re-running the 'film' of something that happened in the past?

Are you repeating the same scenes again and again?

Do you say the same lines in your head as you imagine the incident?

If so you might think of yourself as 'STUCK'!

To un-stuck:

Play with the story!

Run the 'film' of the event backwards!  Yes, you can!  

At this point in time it really is your story and you can manipulate it any way you want…

Imagine what you might do differently if the last scene played first.

Change your lines!  This story now belongs to you and you can be as outrageous as you want!

Change the scenery, the costumes.

The idea of this manipulation is to empower yourself and realize that once the actual event is over all that remains is the story you are telling yourself - and you have a lot of control of your self-talk!

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DEALING WITH GRIEF

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss.  When we grieve we experience a deep and poignant distress - the loss of someone we needed, wanted and expected to be with us.

All of us experience loss throughout our lifetimes.  Death of a loved one is the most obvious, but loss also comes at many of our life transitions:  growing up, moving, losing friends and pets, and even loss of ideals and deeply held beliefs.

In all of these situations, to a lesser or deeper degree we humans go through some very predictable steps in dealing with bereavement.

The first step in this process is the shock that comes with something so difficult.  In this stage we might feel numb and even sometimes an unreal sense of denial - that head shaking, 'how could this possibly be' feeling.

The next stage we go through is a deep awareness of the loss and all the repercussions connected to it.  This is the period when we can be overwhelmed by an onslaught of feelings that might include a wide spectrum from anger to sadness.

And finally we come to the time of healing and renewal or recovery.

In reality all of these stages intermix.  The sequence from that initial sense of shock, through awareness to recovery is a general pattern of bereavement, but we might still be experiencing some shock even though we are in the awareness phase.

It is important to remember that recovery is natural.  It does not signify disrespect - just the opposite, appreciating life is a tribute to our loss. 

Healing is natural to humans - we do not forget, but we do heal.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

REMEMBER:

There is a difference between avoiding our feelings and coping with them!

We need coping strategies, not avoidance strategies!

Give yourself permission to have your own feelings!

No one else can tell you what, or how, or how long to experience what you are feeling!

Feeling - at our own pace - helps us heal.

Of course you can be sad, angry, lonely, empty, needy!  It is natural to feel these things!

And really, it's okay to correct those well-meaning people who say truly stupid, albeit well intentioned things… we've all heard them, and maybe even said them ourselves…

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - USE IT, DON'T LOSE IT!

What can you do with negative feelings if you don't dump them on others?

Use them to evolve!  Sound strange?

Think about it…

Where ever that anger wells up is a sore point and…

Sore points need healing, right?

Interesting way to look at it…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

IMAGINE YOU COULD USE YOUR ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY INSTEAD OF DUMPING IT ON OTHERS…

Try this very simple experiment:

Imagine a dialog with the person or situation you're angry with (Yup!  You can talk to a situation… Remember, this is all about using your imagination!)

Get into it and really rant and rave.

Now change places.  Respond as that other person or situation.  What happens when you 'become' the other.

Switching positions tends to be pretty mind expanding for all of us!

What do you discover?

You always know you've succeeded in this 'project' if you start laughing or feel your breathing deepen and expand!

Go for it!

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