SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MOVE IT!

'Position' has an important role in our interaction with others.

We have 'position' in our work and family hierarchy that determines a lot of our behavior.

'Position' also relates to how we place ourselves physically in relation to those around us.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

SHAKE IT UP!

You can have some fun with this one!

Try changing your habitual seat at the table or in a classroom…

Experiment with distance when having a conversation.

How does changing your location affect and impact your experience?

How does it impact your listening skills?

What other things do you notice as you explore your position in any given environment?

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION

In advertising there's lots of talk about the importance and value of positioning...

Ever pay attention to your personal positioning?

Notice how where you sit in a room or at a table affects your interactions?

How about how close or far you are to another person during a conversation?

What do ya say?

How much attention do you pay to this one?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SO WHAT'S THE JOKE?

The joke is about control.

Big picture, control is a total illusion!

Small scale:  Sure.

You can control the mess in your home, your paperwork, what you ingest…

You can not control the mess other people make, that random trip and fall, the crash, earthquake, death…

There is reality and there is illusion.

Mixing them up creates serious stress, pain and suffering.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

SEPARATE WHAT YOU CAN FROM WHAT YOU CAN'T!

Ask yourself how many times this past week you scolded yourself about something that actually was out of your control.

How do you think you would have felt if you let go of that illusion of being able to control it, rolled your eyes and laughed instead of shaking your finger?

MAN PLANS AND GOD LAUGHS

Hey, you've heard this one, right?

A truly deep teaching on acceptance…

But…

It has always seemed a little dark.

So…

What if we join in the laughter and get the joke?

What do ya say?

Do you get it?

Laugh much?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CREATING CHANGE

When we give ourselves mandates - the "you have to's" and "you shoulds" we are almost always creating an internal push/pull!   

Our internal rebel voice smacks up against that finger shaking bully voice and the struggle is on!

A more effective way to create change is to bypass that struggle by focused awareness - tuning into what we are trying to shift, creating strong motivation and feeling and acknowledging the changes as they happen!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

5 STEPS FOR CREATING COMPLIANCE

1)  Awareness (I want, I need)

2)  Observation and more awareness (I am seeing it)

3)  Attentiveness (I am watching it)

4)  Feeling the shifts (I am changing)

5)  Recognizing and applauding change!

MANDATES

"So," she said, "I realized how I was getting myself in trouble… and I plan to change it immediately!"

Whoops!

Why whoops?

Doesn't changing non-productive behavior ASAP sound like a good idea?

Think about the times you've tried this strategy…

What do ya say?

Did it really work?

For how long?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MEMORIES…

It's interesting to think about how memory works and the function it plays in our lives.

It's obviously part of the way we learn. 

Our memory allows us to avoid danger (think: that ubiquitous story of the child burning its finger on something hot and not doing that again.)

But, what happens when we re-shape past reality to fit current beliefs? 

And even more importantly, what happens to current reality when we squeeze it to fit those past beliefs?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THE DANGER OF DISTORTION

Think about some of the stories you tell yourself about the past.

          Stories about who you were…

          Stories about how others perceived you…

          Stories about your friends and family…

What did you take away from those stories that continues to impact your current reality and beliefs?

Do you want to hold onto these stories… or maybe let them go?

RETROGRADE MEMORY

'Those were the best years of my life…'

'We were so close…'

'I always thought you were wonderful…'

HAH!

Are you kidding me?

Make it NOW!

Or…

Let it go!

What do ya say?

Do you get this one?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ENABLED!

No one can diminish us if we acknowledge the limitations they are pointing out - especially if we get there first!

By outing ourselves we actually become more powerful by:

1)  Stealing our 'opponents' thunder

2)  Showing our courage

3)  Mitigating the sting of the limitation and actually changing it into a strength by bringing it into the light

This is not at all the same as portraying ourselves as victims but rather as victors!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT LIMITATIONS DO YOU HAVE?

If you said 'none' you fail the 'human' test!

Are you:

Elderly?

Young?

Dyslexic?

On that famous Autism spectrum?

Dealing with a physical challenge?

A mental challenge?

You get the drift of this, right?  Do you actually know anyone who doesn't have limitations?

Wouldn't life feel easier if we just called it like it is and moved on?

WHAT MAKES YOU STRONG?

We've all heard that saying:  'What doesn't kill you, makes you strong.'

And it probably sounded like one of those Pollyanna, making lemonade out of lemons things, right?

But…

How about changing it up a tiny bit?

How about: 'Acknowledging our limitations makes us strong'?

What do ya say? 

Do you get this one?

Ever try it?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SHORT-HANDING…

Creating categories to slot people and experiences into is part of the way we humans try to simplify our reality.

It's a pervasive behavior though out all cultures.  Our labels are intended to create a short-hand to help us in our interactions with our complex worlds.

In reality, instead of making our lives easier, these labels we paste onto others can actually distort reality, creating additional stress, anger and exclusion.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CHECK OUT YOUR OWN SHORT-HAND

Think about the people who touch your life - those you are close to and those on the periphery…

How do you define them?  In relation to you?  In relation to others?

Think about the words you use to describe them:  generous, selfish, controlling, insecure?

What made you choose those labels?  Are they really based on your own experience or did you hear them from others?

What would happen if you took a totally fresh look at people without those labels?

ASSUMPTIONS…

"I hate when people make assumptions about me," he groaned.

"They base them on some weird metrics and beliefs about who I am and then shove me into these boxes…"

"Ugh!"

"And then," he continued rolling his eyes, "they treat me based on their story!"

What do ya say?

You don't do this, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ANGER DENIAL

We are told we should not feel angry or be angry…

So what happens?  Do we stop feeling this natural human emotion?

No.

Instead we create a system of denial that actually causes a kind of internal combustion…

As we try to suppress this feeling it backs up on us and eventually comes out in one of several distorted forms.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CHECK IT OUT!

You might be disguising anger if you:

          Feel like a victim

          Use the word 'should' a lot

          Feel depressed

          Overeat

          Under eat

          Grind your teeth

          Refuse to do things that you know are good for you

          Find fault with others - a lot!

If any of these fit for you, ask yourself what you might be angry about and tune in next week for the next step!

ANGER? NAH!

"No!"  He snapped.  "I am NOT angry!"

Hmmm…

Red face.

Loud voice.

Clenched fists.

Age two?

Nope.  Adult.

What do ya say?

Ever deny anger?

Ever see anyone else do it?

Weird, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - PRESTO CHANGO

Magic has always held a special fascination for most humans.

Magical thinking allows us to expand the scope of what we believe is possible. 

We can empower ourselves through the use of our fantasies…

Our dreams and magical thinking open the door - first to investigating what we are craving and missing in our lives - and then to using the power of our imagination to create the changes we are looking for.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAGICALLY CHANGE?

First, create your own 'magic wand'.

What would it look like?  Might it have a sound?  

Can you imagine holding it?  Swinging it?  Bonking things with it?

How do you feel?  Powerful?  Silly? 

Make a list of the things that you would like to be different in your life.  

Create a mental image of these things. 

Now use your 'magic wand' to create imaginary change…

See the images shift to something more pleasing to you.

Do this twice a day and check out what happens!

  

MAGICAL THINKING…

What if?

What if you actually had that magic wand and could bonk things and people and change them into, well, whatever you wanted?

Hmmm…

What do ya say?

What's on your bonking list?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SCORE!

What is a goal?

We can think of it as target to hit - a destination to reach…

Goals obviously are not achieved quickly.  They have to traverse the tricky and intense currents of our lives, and like that metaphor of a river, there are lots of rocks, shoals and alligators that they have to avoid!

Without a strong and potent 'why', navigating that river and reaching the opposite shore is a no-starter!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

What are your 'whys'?

Are they powerful enough?

List your 'whys' - the reasons behind your goals.

Now look at your list.  

How many of the 'whys' truly belong to you?

How many are society's norms?

How many come from your family?

Now rewrite your list with 'whys' that truly belong to you.  

Try saying:
  "I want to do this for me because…"