SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SOMETIMES IT'S FEAR

We often fall into a victim state when bad things happen.

It's an easy default position and often indicates our anger about feeling out of control.

BUT

Sometimes it is also a 'cover' for fear about what is happening that is causing us to feel like a victim.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

When you feel like a victim - and yes - sooner or later we all do feel this way - try the following:

1)  Make a list of 3 things about what is going on that makes you angry.

Imagine stomping and yelling and kicking and throwing a good sized fit as a way to dispel some of that anger.

2)  Now ask yourself what you might be frightened about in the current situation.

Make a list of these fears.

3)  Finally, create a soothing inner voice that walks you through these fears and promises to stand by you with inner support!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - PUSHING BACK

It takes a tremendous amount of self awareness - not to mention self esteem and inner strength - to say 'NO' to something we should do but don't really want to.

So, sometimes we say our 'no's' indirectly by breaking plates... 

We test badly for a job we really don't want but feel we should take, we get sick before an event we should attend but don't really want to, we even sometimes get caught cheating to get out of a relationship we haven't had the ability to end…

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

The problem with pushing back in this indirect manner is that we create …

s-u-f-f-e-r-i-n-g!

Think of some of the times in your life you got out of doing something you really didn't want to do - but knew you should - by indirectly downgrading your performance.

Make a list of each of these events.   

Now remind yourself what you did to 'ruin' it.

(Hint: Usually these are things we label as 'happening to us' not as 'done by us'!)

And finally, just for a mental stretch, imagine you 'failed' because you really didn't want to do whatever it was… and that it was okay not to do it!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CATCH THE MORPH

The stories of shape shifters permeate most cultures. 

They range from our werewolves and Dracula through the Native American cultures that portray shape shifters as both malevolent beings and guardian spirits with healing powers.

A clue to how much we actually love this concept is its pervasive presence in our ever present video games!   

Why so prevalent?

Perhaps one way to look at this phenomenon is that we all have a tendency to morph!  Slip sliding into different aspects of who we are. 

If you can acknowledge this in yourself and others, if you can catch it happening, you create another tool for understanding your world and your reactions to it!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

MORPH TRAINING 101

Did you ever stare at a kaleidoscope and make out shapes?

How about staring at clouds and watching them morph?  You know, bunnies and kitties turning into fire breathing dragons?

Take a moment and watch the people around you and allow yourself to begin recognizing the morph…

Some people can actually see it happen!  WOW!

For others of us, we can identify the shift only after it's complete. 

The more you practice this one, the easier it gets and the more useful a tool it becomes! 

Here's a true story that one of our readers shared:

"Once I realized that one of the people I'd most like to shake, spent most of his time morphed into Golden Retriever energy the desire to shake him was gone and instead I was super clear on what to expect:  galumphy Golden energy!  They are really cute, but get over yourself if you expect them to get quantum physics!"

To comment click below

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - EMOTIONAL BOMB SHELTERS

How do you protect yourself from indirect emotional hits - better known as passive aggressive attacks?

Remember they tend to come out of the blue and take us by surprise, which is part of their power.

Can we tune into the high pitched sound of incoming loads about to be dropped on our heads?

The answer is yes!  

The sound - in this case tone of voice, the words - often setting up the attack with excuses and justifications: 

"I don't mean to bother you but…"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but…"

And yes, the word 'but' is a big giveaway.

Facial expression is another great clue - check out smiles combined with those 'apologetic' words.

And finally, how you feel as the bomb drops on your head.  Short of breath?  Tight muscles?  Nauseas?  All signs of an indirect bomb hit!

Once you start tuning into the rhythm and signs of these attacks they become really obvious and you can learn to duck!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

LEARNING TO DUCK…

Here are some easy 'get-away' lines to use once you recognize an incoming bomb:

"Oops!  The phone's (the doorbell's) ringing.  Gotta go!"

"Oh my gosh!  I just realized I'm running late for…Gotta go!"

"Oops!  Gotta go!  Major stomach attack!"

You get the idea - give yourself permission to get out of the path of that nasty incoming attack!

Please share your thoughts.  To comment just click below…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - HEY, THAT'S NO WAY…

Remember that farewell scene from The Sound of Music?  listen

And how about that beautiful song about leaving by Leonard Cohen?

listen

Our lives are definitely filled with goodbyes.  

We bid adieu to:

Teachers, friends, family members, lovers, and the places that make up our changing realities…

Think about it.

Each of these goodbyes is actually a transition.  

Check out this definition:  tran·si·tion/tranˈziSH(ə)n,tranˈsiSH(ə)n/

Noun  the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another…

Transitions are difficult for humans!  We have no guarantees of what we will find on the other side of change. 

We fear that whatever it is might be worse than what we are leaving.  

Often when we are the one choosing to leave we worry about those we are 'deserting' and how they will react.

Unfortunately, we learn how to handle this on-going and important life process mostly by trial and error!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

MAKING IT THROUGH THE PORTAL OF CHANGE

Think about some of the early changes that occurred in your life.

A new sibling?

A family move?

Changing from one grade to another, a new school?

How did your parents help you deal with these changes?

Looking back on it now, what did you have to say 'goodbye' to, in order to take a next step in your life?

What feelings went along with the changes?

Once you made it to the new reality, how did you deal with any sense of loss?

How do you think these early 'goodbyes' affected the way you leave people and places today? 

Are you still using the same model for moving through transitions that you learned as a youngster, or have you learned a new, perhaps healthier, way of leaving?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

WASAH MATTAH? CAN'T TAKE A JOKE?

This morning when I stepped on the scale something really scary happened…

The read-out said:  FFFF

I mean is that serious failure, or what?

I jumped off before it tried to hit me and rushed to read the manual…

FFFF = "You have overloaded this scale!"

Okay…

I had been planning a diet anyhow, but gaining 800+ pounds overnight seems a little extreme!

What do ya say?

Ever have a day that starts out like this?

How do you turn it around?

Any ideas?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - 'BING'!

Find yourself repeating negative patterns again and again? 

You know the types of things we are talking about, right? 

'Bad' habits, addictions, knee-jerk emotional responses, self defeating, long held beliefs about who you are and who you should be… most of us humans do have a list of these stumbling blocks.

If you think of these as behavioral blueprints that have become hardwired rather than just thinking of yourself as 'lazy' or incapable of change, you create a new way of perceiving these patterns. 

They become something that was inserted into the system without your conscious intention. 

Once you recognize this, you open the door to consciously deleting them.  You are not stuck! 

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

FEEL THE 'BING'!

THE TRICK IS: AIA - AWARENESS, INTENTION, ATTENTION!

AWARENESS:  

Make a list of your current behaviors that are not satisfying to you.  These might include:  eating, drinking, interacting with friends, couples behavior, structuring your time, organization at home and work… think about it and decide what you really want to change.

Choose one of these behaviors to focus on.

Now take your awareness up a notch by 'deconstructing' that behavior.  This means 'hearing' the 'BING', the trigger that opens the program where this behavior is stored. 

For example, let's take organization - putting things away or throwing out things you really no longer need. 

Feel the moment when the hardwired 'program' begins… you might be thinking, "Hmmm that’s a lot of stuff.  I could get rid of some of it…" and suddenly you change your mind and decide to leave the mess and go for a walk instead.  

This is the 'BING' moment.  Feel it! 

INTENTION:  

Now ask yourself if you want to continue on default or if you want to change this pattern. 

This step is really crucial. 

Ripping out a hardwired program is challenging.  Without strong INTENTION it is really tricky.  What does intention mean to you?  Perhaps that strong, overriding "I WANT!" that we hear out of the mouths of two year olds?

ATTENTION:  

This is the 'put it in motion' stage of the plan.  

Now you are alert and tuned into the 'BING' you listen for it, feel it, and fight the pull of the old hardwiring. 

You tell yourself, "No, I do not have to be controlled by that old pattern!"  

You allow yourself to stop in your tracks and PAY ATTENTION to the tug of the old and give yourself permission to do the new!         

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations