SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CAN'T SAY NO?

Manipulation is one of those 'It takes two to tango' human dances.

The manipulator says:  "Poor me.  I ask for so little… Can't you just be nice?"

The 'manipulee' says:  "I must be very important.  I have so much power.  Poor them…"

Guess who 'wins' this one?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

GETTING UNHOOKED…

The most important rule of thumb on this one:  'See it like it is!'

If you find yourself in one of these situations with someone who is getting you to do things you really don't think make sense for you, ask yourself the following:

What indirect gain might I be getting out of this situation?

Why do I actually feel sorry for this person?

Do I feel superior to them in some way?

Am I afraid of how others will view me if I say 'No'?

Am I really doing anyone a favor by saying 'yes'?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - PUSHING BACK

It takes a tremendous amount of self awareness - not to mention self esteem and inner strength - to say 'NO' to something we should do but don't really want to.

So, sometimes we say our 'no's' indirectly by breaking plates... 

We test badly for a job we really don't want but feel we should take, we get sick before an event we should attend but don't really want to, we even sometimes get caught cheating to get out of a relationship we haven't had the ability to end…

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

The problem with pushing back in this indirect manner is that we create …

s-u-f-f-e-r-i-n-g!

Think of some of the times in your life you got out of doing something you really didn't want to do - but knew you should - by indirectly downgrading your performance.

Make a list of each of these events.   

Now remind yourself what you did to 'ruin' it.

(Hint: Usually these are things we label as 'happening to us' not as 'done by us'!)

And finally, just for a mental stretch, imagine you 'failed' because you really didn't want to do whatever it was… and that it was okay not to do it!

NOPE…NOT HAPPENING!

"No!  No?  NO NO NO…"

"I'm practicing," he told me.  "I keep saying 'yes' when I want to say no…"

Ever hear that song from the musical Oklahoma?

"I'm just a girl who can't say no

I'm in a terrible fix

I always say come on let's go

Just when I oughta say nix…"

Well, this guy was right there with it.

"See," he explained, "these poor people really need my help…"

"I mean not to be obnoxious about it or anything, but the truth is, I'm smarter and more capable than they are..."

Hmmm, really?

Then why is it THEY are getting HIM to do what THEY want?

What do ya say?                                                                                              

Ring any bells?

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