SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IS IT NATURAL?

So why is it okay - actually important - to acknowledge our anger?

First, notice we say 'acknowledge'.

Anger is a natural response to certain situations.  What is not natural is the way we distort our natural feelings of anger into rage.

Think of a tea kettle.  What would happen if we left it on the heat but did not allow the steam to release?

Explosion, right?

By learning to express anger in healthy ways we avoid those destructive explosions!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT THIS PAST WEEK…

Did events happen that made you angry?

How did you deal with your feelings?

(GIVE YOURSELF A SCORE OF 1-5 IN EACH OF THE FOLLOWING AREAS  1 = great    5 = ugg!)

In the external world?

In your internal emotional world?

In your personal life with others?

In your work life?

Clues to pay attention to:

PHYSICAL:  Pay attention to your muscle tightness and breathing.

EMOTIONAL:  Pay attention to your sense of well being.

RESOLUTION:  Do you continue to obsess or can you let it go?

WHAT'S YOUR SCORE?

AFTER THE FACT…

'What is wrong with me?'

'I should have known better!'

'How could I let that happen?'

'I didn't say 'NO!' loud enough!'

'I knew it was wrong but…'

These are the words of our Inner Bullys.

Whatever went wrong in the first place was bad enough but these self defeating mantras are always the final straw.

What do ya say?

Sound at all familiar?

Think it helps?

COMPOUND INTEREST?

Financial investments might benefit from mulching…

But resentments?

Never!

What do ya say?

Are you sitting on them?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - YOUR FAULT?

Check this out:  Growing up, did you ever get asked what you did to cause a problem when you were totally innocent?

Maybe some kid at school was mean and you went home and complained to mom… and she asked what you did to make the other kid angry…

"You must have done something."

So what's the take away from this one?

Often, in our adult life, when someone is mean to us, hurts us, or rejects us we go to that default position: 

"You must have done something!"

Now this kind of thinking causes several problems.

First, it requires us to ignore a real feeling that comes pretty naturally with bad behavior on the other guy's part:  Anger.

Second, it gives us a truly distorted belief about our impact on others.  Think about it, if it's always caused by you, the corollary is that you have way more than 50% of the control…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

COURSE CORRECTION

This one is super easy:

When you feel down in the dumps, especially after a negative interaction with someone, ask yourself if you might possibly be angry…

If you say 'No', pretend that you are angry anyhow. 

This is private playacting, so really get into it…

What happens?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ANGRY MUCH?

Clearly, anger is a normal and necessary human emotion.

It allows us to set boundaries with others - to mark our territory and speak out when those boundaries are violated.

However, when this emotion, one of many we humans have been gifted with, becomes a default position we get in trouble… 

Being stuck in any one emotional state is just that - stuck!

  

      

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Here's how one person put it when someone suggested she tell the person she was angry with how she felt:

"Yeah," she said, "but if he apologizes to me, I can't be mad at him and he's a great place to put all my anger…"

She was saying she needed someone to stay angry at - to maintain this feeling - the charge that comes with anger.

Does this fit for you?

Sometimes we seem to believe that holding on to being angry is so much a part of who we are that without it we are lost…

Here's an interesting experiment:

Ask yourself what would happen if you release the anger you carry with you?

Not swallow it, not vent it, but work through it …

What might take its place?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - HEALTHY ANGER 102

Once upon a time, in a wonderful small classroom for 9 year olds, a smart girl named Cindy got angry at a classmate named Danny.

Cindy was certainly within her rights to be annoyed, since her classmate could indeed be incredibly exasperating. 

Cindy knew the rules - no hitting anyone, no screaming at others …

So what to do?

Cindy intuitively knew to use her imagination to release the tension connected to anger… she took Danny's jacket, spread it out on her desk, and gave it a good 'what for'! 

Once she had released the intensity of her anger she was able to talk to Danny and tell him what she didn't like.

Is this an 'out of the mouths of babes' story, or what?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

WORKING WITH ANGER

Anger has a spectrum - it goes all the way from minor frustration and annoyance to the intensity of rage.

1)  Make a list of as many words as you can think of that might be related to anger. 

The goal with this step is to make yourself aware of what you are feeling.     

2)  Give yourself permission to feel your anger. 

3)  Find a healthy release.  You can use your creativity with imagination, fantasy, and images.  You can also do something physical like stomping, running, and yelling in a safe place.  (Not at others…)

4)  Finally, do something to fix the situation to the best of your ability… change your position or ask the other person to change theirs!

  

GOT ANGER? PUT A LID ON IT!

“She called me a Bully!” he complained.

“Then she said I was abusive and left!”

“I mean, what’s with that!  I didn’t hit her or anything…”

“All I did was yell… Okay, I was right next to her, and I guess I was a little loud…”




“But I got my point across, right?  I mean she was interrupting me…”



Another story about anger, but this is a BIG topic.

Finding balance – expressing what you need and feel without poisoning the air around you is a real challenge.

What do ya say?

How do you handle this one?

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