CAN YOU PULL IT OFF?

Here's one of those great learning stories:

"I make up words all the time," the man winked as he told me this one.

"I do it in Spanish, English, whatever," he grinned, "and I notice that as long as I say my new-fangled words with impunity and authority, people look at me with admiration and usually tell me how smart am!"

What do ya say?

Do you get the moral of this one?

About him?  About them?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHERE'S YOUR POWER SEAT?

We make choices about where we sit…

The head of the class or the table?  

The middle of a circle or the periphery?

These choices are often reflective of our feelings about ourselves and the groups we are participating in.

What's even more interesting is that often when we change our physical position we can also change our outlook!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Of course we are not only talking about your physical seat…

But…

The next time you're at a family event or any group setting ask yourself how you feel where you are sitting or standing…

Then experiment by moving to a different position in the room.

Now ask yourself if this feels different.

How?

Keep the experiment going and see what you discover.

  

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHO'S LOOKING?

So much of our self image evolves during those often challenging middle school years…

We are too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny or our noses and ears are still too big for our heads…

Seriously, between hormones and growth spurts, for most of us these tend to be truly precarious years!

And if we throw in the well meaning 'help' that comes our way:

 "You are not thinking of wearing that out of the house, are you?!"

It's a miracle that we ever do make it out of the house… and that any of our self esteem survives!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

  An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HERE'S ONE TO TRY:

Next time you look in that morning mirror ask yourself who is evaluating your appearance…

Mom?

Dad?

Sibling?

First boy/girlfriend?

Other?

As you identify each person, role-play them making comments about your appearance.  Really get into it.  Can you mimic their voice? 

Now you might want to talk back to them - you know, saying all those things that you never said back then…

(The idea of this exercise is to sensitize yourself to where your self perceptual beliefs are coming from.)

Finally, ask yourself what age of your life your own eyes got 'locked in'…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LET IT GO!

What does it take to let go of all that criticism we receive? 

How do we let go of other people's bad thoughts about us and make ourselves ok despite them, releasing those negative labels into the air, and feeling the lightness that comes from putting down a really heavy weight?

How do we let go of their beliefs and recognize that in reality they were never about us to begin with?

The challenge is understanding we are not the defining factor in these people's lives.

We might be a handy stand in for someone else they can't get at, or a reflection of what they believe about themselves…

They might give us a role in their narrative - like a part in a play - we become the villain or the hero or any subsidiary role that fits in THEIR play…

Our job is to take back our own part and get out of their play!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Okay…you get the concept … IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!

Try this:

Ask yourself what your buy in has been?

What would the story feel like if you didn't believe the role they have given you - if you are not the wicked stepmother, the bad child, the selfish, controlling sister…

You do see this one right? 

Think about this:  How many times once you are 'given your role' have you found yourself actually acting it out?

NOW… take a recent situation where you were criticized, either directly in words or indirectly with actions…

Tell yourself the story as the other person 'wrote' it…  Put yourself in their shoes and really feel it.  

Remember:  THIS IS THEIR NARRATIVE!

Are you buying into it?  If so, ask yourself what you get from being an actor in their play - maybe a familiar role?  A staring role?  An easy out?

NEXT… ask yourself what they might get from putting you in this position?

FINALLY… step back into your own shoes and rewrite the play - as you see it!

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

THE FINE ART OF CARRYING EXTRA WEIGHT…

No, not that kind of weight…

Check these stories out:

"My sister-in-law has never liked me!  She tells everyone how selfish I am… which is weird since I am always there whenever they need me, with money, support, my time… It really hurts me.  

But maybe, somehow, she's right?"

"My girlfriend always wants things her way…and throws fits until she gets them.  And then calls me demanding and difficult!  

Could she be right?  Is it my fault?"

"My brother and some of my co-workers leave me out of things all the time.  They all seem so popular and make sure I know I'm not! I guess I really am unlikable…"

What do these three speakers and all the millions like them have in common?

They are carrying extra weight!

Think about it…

The burden of the criticism they feel is heavy and intrusive.

What do ya say?

Do you get this one?

Tune in tomorrow to find out what to do about it!

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - A LITTLE COMPETITIVE?

Where does competition begin?

In our homes with our siblings?  In schools?  Sports teams?

If you're a biologist you would probably answer that it's genetically encoded to guarantee species survival.

What's important to us for healthy emotional survival is the position that we give competition in our lives.

Who do you compete with?  How do you rate your performance? 

What role does competition play in your life?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

TRY ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS TO RATE YOUR COMPETITION IQ:

To help you answer, remember, comparing yourself to others is competition!

1)  How competitive are you?

2)  How does competition affect your relationships?

3)  How does competition affect your self esteem?

4)  How aware are you of how others react to your   competitiveness?

5)  Are you tuned into other people competing with you? 

Friends? partners? office mates? siblings? neighbors? 

How do you feel when they try to out-do you?

6)  Do you push back or let it go?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

UMMM… UMMM…

Ever notice those really annoying space fillers?

I mean, seriously, what's wrong with a little silence between words - or even thoughts?

And how about that ubiquitous 'you know'?

And then there's the compounded 'you know… ummm…'

Yikes!  What is it with these people? 

Maybe they are afraid of those little green goblins that jump into empty spaces…

Ok, a little out there… But really…

What do ya say?

You don't do this, right?  

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation:                                                                                   

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - BULLIES, INC.

"It's true," the father said, "I only point out what he doesn't do well… I mean he doesn't need help with the things he's got under control, right?"

Yikes!  This is what we call the 'Birth of the Bully'!

In reality, criticism tends to create pretty destructive backlash…

Think about it. 

How many times have you actually upgraded your act because someone tore you down?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

TUNING OUT BULLIES ~ TUNING IN COMPASSION

1)  Identify who's talking to you.

The Bully says SHOULD!

The Bully mandates behavior

The Bully believes it is always right

The Bully is MEAN!

The Compassionate Voice says' how can I help you?'

The Compassionate Voice says 'who are you and what works for you?'

The Compassionate Voice says 'I am your ally'.

The Compassionate Voice says 'I want you to feel good and succeed.'

2)  When you hear the Bully voice, duck and weave!

Get out of the path of this rigid toxicity.

See it for what it is.

Press the delete button to get rid of the Bully's mandates.

3)  Practice the Compassionate Voice on yourself.

This is your internal cheerleader - your true BFF!

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation break click below:

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HEY YOU!

Don't you just hate it when you work at something - I mean really full out, knock you on your @##, take it to the limit, work on it - AND NO BODY NOTICES!

What is it with these people!?

And have you gotten it that it's usually the very ones who are the most critical when you don't make it, who notice the least when you do?  Remember that Rolling Stones song?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3F4GmbHl5g

What do ya say?

Makes you kind of want to jump in their faces and strut your stuff, doesn't it?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think ~

And for a quick meditation break:

Http://tinyurl.com/minimeditations

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - AWARENESS SELFIES

Growing up most of us have heard, "You are too selfish!"  and "Did you see what you just did?" Confusing admonitions indeed! 

We criticize our children if we think they are too focused on 'self' and at the same time demand that very focus!

An integral element of mental health is balance which clearly comes into play in the area of 'self'.

We do need to be self-aware - clued into how we interact with our world and impact others and ourselves.

Self-absorption, on the other hand, is a limiting phenomenon that isolates us and creates pain - for ourselves and those around us!

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

HOW TO SNAP A MENTAL SELFIE

To find out where you fit on the 'Self' Spectrum think about a recent difficult situation with someone and ask yourself the following questions:

1)  Did I make assumptions about what the other person was thinking?

2)  Did I make assumptions about what they were feeling - especially about me?

3)  Did I check in with myself and look at my 50% of the situation?

4)  Did I automatically judge myself - or the other person?

5)  What punishment or suffering did I require of myself - or the other person?

6)  Did I find a healthy, non-accusatory, way to resolve the issue?

~To comment click below~

SELFIES…

Self… self… self…

Focused

Aware

Centered

Absorbed

Esteem…

Hmmm… interesting how many of these hyphenated 'self' things we have in our culture and how subtly different they each are…

What do ya say? 
Where do you put yourself on this spectrum?

To comment click below and share your thoughts…