IF ONLY, REVISITED…

"If only I knew then…"

Uh huh…

He was talking about the girl who got away and how if he had the experience and skill set then, that he had now…

Why, it would be a totally different ballgame!

Sure.

And 'if wishes could wash dishes' … remember that one?

What do ya say?

Is this distorted, or what?

You do see that, right?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IS IT HELPING?

Think about some of the things you don't do…

Is it because you are afraid of your own inner Bully?

If you say 'I don't do that because I'm not good at it' that's your Bully voice getting in the way…

Does it really matter if you're not good at it?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about some of those things that you avoid or quit doing because you believe that you can't do them 'good enough'.

What's on your list?

  Dancing?

  Trying to speak another language?

  Cooking?

  On-line dating?

  Telling jokes?

  Trying anything new?

Now ask yourself what your Bully voice does to stop you.

  Call you names?

  Tells you you're not good at it?

  Make faces at you?

Ludicrous?

Really give yourself a minute to think about this…

Other than that inner judge, what's stopping you?

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THE BULLY TRACK

"I was walking on this really beautiful path - and well - I admit it - day dreaming… and the next thing I knew…YOW!  I tripped and ended up with a sprained ankle…"

"I can't believe I was so out of it!  That nasty sprained ankle served me right!"

"Yeah, well," her friend groaned, "at least you were someplace beautiful!  I didn't go anyplace but I whacked out my back doing nothing!  I just can't believe how clueless I can be!"

What do ya say?

Do you get this stuff?

Sound familiar?

Helpful?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - STUCK TO…WHAT?

We create attachments to…

People

Places

Jobs

And most importantly beliefs!

These attachments make a kind of logical sense since they create predictability and make us feel connected - two experiences that most humans crave.

Even when what we can predict is negative, we often hold on with a tenacity that seems counter intuitive…

Because we believe we need these attachments when they are out-dated it takes courage to unhook!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT ARE YOU ATTACHED TO?

Make a list of the beliefs that you hold onto… which ones get in your way? 

Think about what keeps you holding on? 

What would it feel like to let the beliefs that are out-dated go?

Who are the people that you are holding onto past their time?

Do you need to let go of the people or just shift the relationships into something healthier for you?

NO! NO! I WON'T LET GO!

"I have such a hard time," he said, "giving up, or I guess letting go of people, even when it's clear the relationship is finished…"

"I really don't understand.  I don't think of myself as stubborn, but…"

Here's another one:

"I know my life should be easier… I mean," she moaned, "in all the books I read, and movies I see… "

You get where this is going, right?

It's about holding onto things that are past their 'pull by' date - better know as 'attachments'.

What do ya say?

How many out dated things are you holding onto?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - 'BE NICE!'

Pushing back when someone steps on your foot, metaphorical or literal, seems like a no-brainer, right?

How have we developed the idea that it's okay to tolerate the hit?

Remember hearing any of these:

'You're bigger than that!'

'Be nice!'

'They didn't mean it!'

'Don't be so intolerant and demanding!'

'No one will ever like you and you'll be ALL ALONE!'

Unfortunately, the well intentioned exhortations of parents and teachers tend to relay the message that people stomping on our emotional boundaries is both acceptable and normal.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

'MAKING NICE' IS TOXIC - TO YOU… AND BELITTLING TO THE RECEPIENT!

Consider: 

The bottom line is that you are allowing someone to cause you harm and giving them the message that their behavior is okay…

What does that say about your beliefs about them?

Do you do this with people you respect?

Is there perhaps some hidden contempt on your part?

Aren't you telling that person that you think they are incapable of acting decently?

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OUCH!

"So, this friend of mine keeps stepping on my foot… with her stiletto heels!"

She smiled ruefully as she continued. 

"I don't mean literally, you know.  But she keeps doing things that are so hurtful to me… It's really not her fault.  She's clueless and she always apologizes when I point it out…"

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked.

What do ya say? 

Could she at least move her foot?

Do you?