SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - EMPOWERMENT!

We can't control other people - often we can't even control events that come our way…

So, what can we do to take care of ourselves?

We can recognize that we do have CHOICES - about how we react to all those people and events.

The more we recognize this, the less helpless and hopeless we feel!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS  An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT 5 'NEGATIVE' THINGS THAT HAVE RECENTLY HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE:

1)  Describe the event

2)  Describe your initial reaction.

            What did you think?  How did you feel?

3)  Would you describe these events as 'woe is me', victim moments? 

4)  Did you stop to think that regardless of the event you did     have a choice about your own reaction?

CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW POWERFUL IT WOULD FEEL TO REALLY CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE?

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY!

One of the blessings of our land of diversity is the joy of celebrating many holidays, each with its own stories, customs, foods and smiles! 

Today starts the celebration of the Chinese Lunar New Year. 

2019 is the year of the Pig…

Can you hear the popping of firecrackers?

A FEW DIFFERENT BELIEFS ABOUT THE YEAR OF THE PIG…

'Pig is the twelfth in the 12-year cycle of Chinese zodiac sign.  Pig is not thought to be a smart animal in China. It likes sleeping and eating and becomes fat.'  

https://www.travelchinaguide.com/intro/social_customs/zodiac/pig.htm

OR…

A pig represents luck, overall good fortune, wealth, honesty, general prosperity, symbolizing a hard working, peace-loving person, a truthful, generous, indulgent, patient, reliable, trusting, sincere, giving, sociable person with a large sense of humour and understanding.                            https://www.nationsonline.org/oneworld/Chinese_Customs/pig.htm

What do ya say?

Love it?  You get diversity, right?  How about the idea of making choices?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MAKING A CHOICE!

Let's face it, it's easier to say 'people don't like me because of who I am' (totally out of my hands), rather than saying, 'it's something I am doing that is causing this reaction', (in my hands).

Maybe I don't really care?

Maybe I am okay with the impact I am having?

Fine, but…

I need to call it like it is, acknowledging my choices and the repercussions they create…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about a few times recently when you felt like you were on the losing side of an interaction…

Now, for a moment, imagine that you do have power, and actually might be creating some of the reaction that you are getting.

Imagine that you just might be acting in a way that helps create this outcome and… that perhaps, just perhaps, the outcome is something you might have an investment in!

WHERE DO YOU BELONG?

Check this out: two people, similar circumstances, two different realities…

"I always felt like an outsider," the first one said sadly.

"We travelled a lot and I always looked and sounded so different from everyone else…"

"I always felt like an insider," the second person said winking.

"We travelled a lot but I was always sure that I was adopted by my parents and really belonged to whatever culture we were in…"

What do ya say?

What's real?

What works for you?

CHOOSE HOW YOU FEEL?

Two people were telling me pretty similar stories…

One of them was clearly suffering and in emotional agony about their situation.

The other person was hopeful and in a state of learning and evolving…

Hmmm.  Ever hear this one:

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."  

- Viktor Frankl

What do ya say?  Can you get this?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TAKE COVER!

Forgive me for being blunt but… ranting is like taking a dump!  You might feel better afterwards, but you leave behind a stink!

We seem to learn this dumping strategy at an early age.

It appears to have several functions:

* It can make the 'dumper' feel better just like the other kind of dump.

* It can create a distraction - with enough loud yelling and ranting, maybe the other person won't call me out about whatever I did wrong.

* Finally, it can be part of our unfinished business from those terrible two's when we counted on someone else to make our anger go away.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CREATING NOISE

How many times have you thrown a fit instead of acknowledging your 'bad'?

Think about this:  Ranting is fast, it's easy, and it creates pain for the other person.

Ask yourself if you really want to do this to someone else… and if you do … do it consciously!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE FLY'S EYE VIEW

This isn't a one-off. 

People have been fascinated with the idea of being able to observe without being noticed, with getting the whole picture without having to interact - going way back in time.

What makes it so intriguing?

Perhaps some of the same charge we get from reading a good book?  Listening to good music?  Being hypnotized by an absorbing piece of art?

Or is the draw something more connected to the power of secret knowledge? 

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

GET SOME FLY POWER

Imagine 3 different situations - current or past - where you might get a kick out of being that fly on the wall.

Have some fun with this one and imagine listening in to conversations.  What might you get from this 'spying'?

Like a dream, this imaginary information tells you something about yourself.  Maybe it shows where you experience missing pieces?

How could you use this information in a healthy, self awareness way?

If it seems like it might make you happy, you have the fly's permission to incorporate what you imagined into your story… remembering that you are choosing to do a re-write…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - STRETCH IT OUT!

We've all heard that old tongue in cheek definition of 'crazy'…

You know, doing the same thing again and again and anticipating different results.

Crazy?  Maybe…

Certainly painful, frustrating and a perfect formula for feeling like a victim!

Someone once said we all need to see at least three options when tackling a problem.  

If we get stuck with only two choices we can find ourselves in an either/or dilemma, but that third possibility creates the mental stretch we need to feel empowered!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about your last challenging situation with another person.

How did you deal with it?

Were you satisfied with the results?

One way to evaluate the end product, is to think about how you felt when it was all over. 

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - BEHIND THE CURTAIN

Secondary gains are the hidden reasons we do something that on the surface doesn't seem to make sense - the not-conscious advantages that might take place 'secondary' to a stated or real problem.

Often our beliefs about ourselves - even the dark ones - come with secondary gains.

This means that when we feel stuck, instead of berating ourselves, we need to explore what hidden benefits might be lurking.

Instead of feeling defeated and depressed, ask yourself what advantage holding on to a belief or behavior might actually provide. 

Does it allow you to avoid something that you would otherwise feel obligated to do?  Does it reinforce a conviction you have about yourself that might be difficult to give up?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

To ferret out a secondary gain think about a situation that has made you unhappy but seems unchangeable. 

Now ask yourself:

What 'plus' might I be getting from staying in this 'negative' situation?

Does it allow me to avoid something that is difficult?

Does it allow me to avoid something that I perceive as dangerous?

Does it allow me to avoid something that could be life changing and therefore frightening?

If you answer 'yes' to any of these you might want to give yourself other options...

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ANGER 102

Of course feelings of anger are inevitable… it's a natural response to having our boundaries violated and our feelings hurt.

Once we recognize this, the wonderful thing is that we have choices about how we want to deal with it!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

ANGER IN 4 SIMPLE STEPS

1)  Acknowledge It!

2)  Focus on what it's about.

3)  Don't second guess yourself!  It's ok to experience this human emotion.

4)  Give yourself healthy options about how to 'work with' 

what you are feeling.  

     

Remember there are many choices.

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT DOES 'LATE' MEAN?

A cab driver told a story about driving a lady to the airport. She was stressing about being late for her flight and indeed she missed it. 

That plane later crashed killing all on board…

Fate?  Perhaps…

One of my Anthropology professors, a man named Dr. Patrick Gallagher, used to say:  "You can never be late until you get there - and then you're there!"

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS          An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

IS LATE OKAY?

Ask yourself these questions:

+Who am I affecting with my timing?

+What is my agreement/contract with that person?

+Who is making the rules?

+Am I agreeing to the rules or saying 'yes' and acting 'no'?

+Is my timing an emotional response to something?

+Am I dealing with fear or anger?

And finally:

Am I doing something I want to do or dragging my heels because I really don't want to?

~To comment click below and let us know what you think~

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - RECOVERING FROM BETRAYAL

 Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship…Often betrayal is … a complete break from previously decided upon or presumed norms by one party from the others.   read more

Why is this such an insidious issue and why does it seem to be so deeply caustic?

One possible answer might be our response to betrayal:

"How could I be so stupid?"

And the often ensuing chorus from friends and family: 

"We always knew he/they/ it was bad news!"

So the torment of a broken promise is often highly intensified by the self- castigation that follows: 

"How could I miss what was going on?"

What would happen if we let ourselves off the hook on this one?

Which do you think creates more suffering - feeling it is our own fault, or feeling totally out of control if it isn't?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

RECOVERY FROM BETRAYAL

1)  Remember regardless of your imperfect judgment, what the other person did was THEIR CHOICE - NOT YOURS!

2)  Accept imperfection - yours and theirs.  See this as an opportunity to evolve - maybe some of your old beliefs could use revamping?

3)  Don't punish - LEARN!

Imagine you can watch a movie of this story.  Watch it the first time emotionally.  Get into it and enjoy the angst and suffering - (did I really say that?!)   

Now watch it the second time as an objective observer.  What do you see?

Be a detective and catch the clues that you might have missed when it was actually happening or, and this is equally important, see how easily these clues would be invisible to anyone!

4)  Forgive - yourself and them. 

You just learned something which makes you smarter than you were and opens new doors for the future!

5)  Make a choice about how you want to proceed.  You can choose to walk away, just remember, holding onto the injustices and betrayals weighs us down.  Allow yourself to fly!

To explore any of these topics type a key word into the search field on the upper left of the Blog.

To comment just place your cursor over the word 'comments' (sometimes it says 'no comments') below.

Remember we are also at:  www.thehumandance.com

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING – DO YOU LIVE IN A BOX?

Labels are endemic in all societies.  Perhaps because the categories they create help us sort reality?

We know what to expect when we say:

He’s old
She’s crippled
He’s mentally ill
She’s fat…

By categorizing people in this way we set up expectations – and then, sadly, sometimes miss anything that doesn’t fit into the box!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

What are some of the boxes you live in?  Who created these boxes for you? 


Make a list of 5 words you use to label yourself.

Can you remember the first time you thought, “Oh, I’m__________”

What do you imagine would happen if you gave up these labels?


Here’s a fun experiment to try:

Think about one of your labels – it might have to do with:
           
            Intelligence
            Appearance
            Age
            Infirmity
            Personality…

Now imagine writing these words on a gigantic sheet of white paper.  (yes, paper!  Not your electronic devise!)

Now see the image that goes with the words.  Both words and image are in black – very black – ink.

As you stare at the paper - breathing deeply – the ink begins to fade…

Keep breathing and watch it become grey…

How do you feel as this happens?

You can stop this operation at any stage you want – OR NOT!

If you’re ready, allow the word – and the image that goes with it – to fade completely…


Now you are faced with a pristine, totally open sheet of paper.

What do you consciously want to put on it?
           

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