CHILDHOOD VOICES

They tell us who we are…

And then we struggle for years trying to reclaim…

Who we really were…

Who we still might be…

What do ya say?

Do you still hear them?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ANGER? SADNESS? GRIEF?

These emotions are normal and actually part of our healing process.

We get in trouble when we start chastising ourselves for having these feelings - a guaranteed strategy for prolonging our distress and getting stuck in the very emotions we attempt to bully ourselves out of!

When things feel out of control we get frightened and tend to look for a way to gain more control - logical, right?

However one of our favorite mechanisms seems to be releasing our inner bully to handle things. 

Our bully voice takes over with its 'shoulds', its rules and mandates, scolding us and demanding we figure out what we did to cause the chaos.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

KNOW YOUR ENEMY!

Can you recognize your bully voice?

You might have heard it first from your mother, father, an older sibling, a teacher…

All well intentioned of course!

And then we internalize it and use it on ourselves…

5 FUN STEPS TO STOP THAT BULLY!

1)  Catch the sound bite!

2)  Say it out loud!

3)  Exaggerate it!

4)  Talk back!                                                                        ('You are not helping!  You are making things worse!  Leave!')

5)  Replace it with your inner ally! 

('It's ok!  Hang in there!  We'll figure it out!')

GO FOR IT!

This week's posts about dialoging with our internal voices created a lot of comments… and questions. 

This one's a pretty typical example:

"I don't get how this talking to different parts of myself would make any difference!  Actually, it sounds pretty weird - but hey, I'm open-minded, so prove it to me!"

Okaaay…

Let's use the guy who commented above.  He was struggling with getting an exercise program going.  He knew he needed it, but he was seriously stuck.

Here's how talking to his inner 'voices' could help him get past stuck:

First, define the problem.  Here it is in his own words: 
"I need to exercise, I know I do, but let's face it, I'm just lazy…"

Now, let's check in with those voices:

Voice 1 is easy to find. It's the part of him that refuses to budge and has an easy answer:  "I'm lazy."

Voice 2 is always going to be the other side - in this case the part that wants him to exercise:  "But you have to do it!  Even the doc said so!"

Now the dialog begins.  It might go something like this:

Voice 1:  "You can't make me!  I won't do it!  Get off my case!"

Voice 2:  "I'm the boss.  I'm smarter than you and you have to do what I say!"

Voice 1:  "No I don't and I won't!"

CHOKE POINT, RIGHT?

Now, if we visualize these two parts, what might they look like?

How would their voices sound?

Exaggerate their images and sounds.

What happens?

Can you take them to the point of absurdity?

Usually, this gets us laughing and the next step is to negotiate some sort of deal.  There are lots of possibilities:

Bribes:  If you go to the gym, I'll…

Compromises:  How about one day a week?  How about 20 minutes?

And finally

Support:  Let's find a way we can both be happy.

You get the idea.  It's all about internal politics, right? 

You're looking to make friends with those opposing parts and get them working together instead of in opposition. 

It's actually easy, fun and most importantly guaranteed to create momentum - the antidote to those stuck places!

SAY WHAT?

"What do you mean 'internal voices'?" he asked.  

"Are you saying I'm nuts, or what?"

"I don't have 'voices' inside of me… do I?" he looked at me questioningly.

"And if I do," he demanded, "you want to tell me how they got there?

And what are they talking about, anyway?"

What do ya say?

Can you identify your inner voices?

check out our relaxation mini-meditations at 

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BEAT THE BULLY

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 The Human Dance "Beat the Bully!" Episode VI