SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TURNING IT IN

Why do we attack ourselves when something goes wrong?

Easy target?

Illusion of control?  You know, 'if I caused it, I can fix it'?

And how did we develop this self inflicted pain strategy?

Did you ever come home from school and tell your parents about a problem… and their first response was:  "Well, what did you do to cause it?"

Hmmm…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                          

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

UNDOING RETROFLEXION

You can think about it like this: 

Something happens and we have a reaction - an energy surge.  At this point we have a choice about what we do with that energy…

We can direct it out into the world in many different ways or…

We can direct it inward and use ourselves as the target.

Think about the last time something like this happened to you…

What choice did you make about how to direct your energy?

Did your choice work well for you?

Might another choice have been more effective?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IS IT NATURAL?

So why is it okay - actually important - to acknowledge our anger?

First, notice we say 'acknowledge'.

Anger is a natural response to certain situations.  What is not natural is the way we distort our natural feelings of anger into rage.

Think of a tea kettle.  What would happen if we left it on the heat but did not allow the steam to release?

Explosion, right?

By learning to express anger in healthy ways we avoid those destructive explosions!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT THIS PAST WEEK…

Did events happen that made you angry?

How did you deal with your feelings?

(GIVE YOURSELF A SCORE OF 1-5 IN EACH OF THE FOLLOWING AREAS  1 = great    5 = ugg!)

In the external world?

In your internal emotional world?

In your personal life with others?

In your work life?

Clues to pay attention to:

PHYSICAL:  Pay attention to your muscle tightness and breathing.

EMOTIONAL:  Pay attention to your sense of well being.

RESOLUTION:  Do you continue to obsess or can you let it go?

WHAT'S YOUR SCORE?

GRRRR…

"No!  I am NOT angry!" she proclaimed in a very… yup… angry voice.

What is this taboo we have about acknowledging anger?  

 

How many mammals are you aware of that don't have teeth or the ability to growl?

If someone steps on your foot do you think a smile is the appropriate response?

What do ya say?

Can you growl?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LEARNING TO PUSH BACK

It seems that most animal species learn to fight at a young age and evolve that skill into adult life based on necessity.

We humans need to be able to push back in ways that are appropriate to situations that we find ourselves in - not too hard or too soft but truly appropriate.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HOW DID YOU LEARN?

What were the lessons you received growing up about fighting?

Were you taught to hit harder?

Or to turn the other cheek?

Imagine you could rewrite your childhood script…

What would you want to teach yourself?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - HARNESS THE WAVE

Why would anger ever make us feel immobilized and stuck?

It seems to have been 'designed' for exactly the opposite purpose - to get us moving and activate our resources to fix problems.

But

We are taught that it isn't nice to feel and really not nice to act on our anger!

We are taught that using anger to push back against others will get us in trouble and make us 'un-likeable'.

In reality anger is a strong energy and if we try to sit on it we create internal blockage and an emotional frozen zone.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THREE RULES FOR HEALTHY ANGER

1)  It is okay to feel!

2)  It is okay to find non-toxic ways to release it - Be creative!

3)  It is okay to use your anger as part of a problem solving strategy!