VENTILATION

"Well, she wasn't yelling at me… I mean, I was the one on the phone with her, but you know, she was yelling about someone else…"

"And how did you feel when you got off the phone?" I asked.

"Well… exhausted," she admitted.

"I did have a headache for the rest of the day…" she acknowledged sheepishly.

"But she needed to vent!  Isn't that what friends are for?

What do ya say?  Think so?

SERIOULSY SPEAKING - SELF SOOTHING

It's easy to feel panic, and these days it's in the air a lot.

The challenge for all of us is to learn the art of self comfort and soothing.  We are not talking about denial.

In yesterday's story the child was correct that at some point our sun will burn out.  But her father was also correct in putting the threat into perspective.

Each of us is responsible for creating this perspective in our own lives!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

FINDING THE BALANCE

This one is pretty simple:

For each issue you are dealing with that starts to feel out of balance - this might include health, relationships, work, the political scene - ask yourself: 

What is the worst case result 

What is the best case 

and then find that balance point which is the most likely scenario.

THERE GOES THE SUN!

 (To the tune of: the Beatles: 'Here comes the Sun')

The youngster was pretty smart and proudly read the grown up newspaper.

But one story made her little, 7 year old breath catch.

"Daddy!" she cried.  "In 50 billion years the sun is going to burn out!  I am so scared!  What are we going to do?"

Her Dad smiled serenely.

"Don't worry," he reassured her. 

"We'll all be gone by then…"

What do ya say?

Do you understand how a smile and a reassuring tone can make it all okay?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE LECTURE CIRCUIT

Why do we so often respond to other peoples' problems by lecturing them?

Do we really think that we know the answers for them?

Or maybe we are just imitating an M.O. we learned from our parents?

Do we like being lectured?

Do we take in advice delivered in this manner?

Is lecturing ever useful?   Almost never!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU LECTURED SOMEONE OR WERE LECTURED BY THEM…

What do you think was the motivation:

Trying to be helpful?

Feeling smart?

Relieving your own anxiety?

Dealing with your own anger and stress?

Indirectly working out your own 'stuff'?

Copying learned behavior?

BLAH BLAH BLAH…

She was lecturing me, non-stop, about how bad it was that I had lectured her about…

Yikes!

What is this propensity we humans have for telling other people what to do?

What do ya say?

You don't do this, right?

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

Don't you just hate it when you're wrong?

Especially when it turns out someone else was right … and you felt so superior to them because… well, you were sure they were clueless.

Ugh!  I mean, what does that say about you?

What do ya say?

Pretty unsettling, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MOVING THROUGH CHANGES

When we think of transitions obvious extreme images come to mind:  The image we often use for this is jumping from one mountain top to another (changing grades, living and dying…)

But how about those smaller changes?  Perhaps a good image for this might be stepping from a train onto the platform…

Here is a sometimes overlooked reality:  All transitions have an element of risk. 

Recognizing this makes understanding our emotional responses much easier to comprehend.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE LIFE TRANSITIONS YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH.

(This might include birthdays, changing grades in school, moving, losing friends, break-ups, marriages, births and deaths).

Were the transitions smooth or bumpy?

Did you feel:  angry, sad, scared, excited?

All of the above?

Did you work through and accept what you were feeling?

Did you criticize yourself?

Did you take your emotions out on others?

Did anyone help you?

Now think about the people around you.

What do you see about how they move through life changes?