SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LEARNING TO PUSH BACK

It seems that most animal species learn to fight at a young age and evolve that skill into adult life based on necessity.

We humans need to be able to push back in ways that are appropriate to situations that we find ourselves in - not too hard or too soft but truly appropriate.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HOW DID YOU LEARN?

What were the lessons you received growing up about fighting?

Were you taught to hit harder?

Or to turn the other cheek?

Imagine you could rewrite your childhood script…

What would you want to teach yourself?

NOW, CHILDREN…

No fighting!

Be nice!

Seriously?

In what alternative universe?

Did they say that, maybe, because it made life easier for them?

You know, remove the fangs and howls - lower the noise level…

What do ya say?

Were you allowed to learn this important life skill as a child?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WIN OR LOSE?

We seem to assume that others know what we want and how we want it, and get terribly hurt when they don't match up with our expectations.

'How could they!' we rant.

How could they:  Forget my birthday, not help me after all I've done for them, not invite me to…, buy me that awful…, not take care of things in the way I like…'

And when they don't read our minds as we assume they should, we often experience (and perhaps enjoy?) a sense of righteous indignation.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS         An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

LET'S FACE IT RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION CAN FEEL GOOD…

BUT…

Does it really get you what you want?

Make a list of the times you've set yourself - and others - up in this way…

The times you've expected them to KNOW what you want and how and when you want it…

Birthdays?

Support for a particular project?

Understanding what you are feeling?

Having your back?

How clear were you about what you needed?

Who are the people you tend to do this with?  Everyone or only certain people?

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

"Well," he said.  "I knew it!  I just knew if I waited, sure enough, he'd screw up!"

"What did you say?" he asked me.

"No, of course I didn't go into detail about what I wanted…"

Here's another one:

"My brother," she said, "is such an obnoxious bore!  He just talks over everyone."

 "What did you say?" she asked me.

"No, of course I never told him how annoying he is…"

And finally:

"She invited me to dinner," he complained, "and made food I never eat!  It was awful!"

"What did you say?" he asked me.

"No, of course I didn't tell her what I could eat beforehand…"

What do ya say?  See a pattern here?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - AGELESS

Can you remember a time when you were really happy with your age?

In retrospect we all look back on how much easier life was at an earlier time.

You know, you were more attractive, thinner, stronger, happier, smarter…

Right.

And were you actually saying it then?

I mean, at age 15 were you saying, "Whoa, life is so easy!"

Or at age 18?

Or 23?

Or… 

Nah.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS               An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Here are some things to ponder…

How old do you feel?  Does this change from day to day?

What are your 'pictures' connected to different ages?

How do you divide your life into epochs?

How old is 'old'?

Where did you get your ideas about age?

Do you want to upgrade them?

WHATS AGE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

When I turned 21 I started fretting about getting old.

At the time I was working in a language school and one of the other teachers, a Russian lady of a certain age, asked me what was wrong.  She laughed when I told her. 

"Carol", she said, "life doesn't even begin until you hit 60!  That's when you really come into your own!"

Then there was the friend who had been complaining about how old he was - for the last 30 years!

The final word on this one comes from an 80 year old I met hiking in the mountains outside of Guadalajara, Mexico.  

Here's her take on age:

"When I turned 70," she said, "I was feeling poorly and went to the doctor.  

I described my symptoms, and he shook his head and smiled at me sweetly.  

"Well, you are 70 and this is the way people feel when they get old."

"I looked that idiot straight in the eye and said 'FU'!  Then I went and found another doctor!" 

What do ya say?

Maybe it's time to rethink this one.

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - RULES OF THE ROAD

On the one hand we are told to aim high, visualize success and it will all come to us…

On the other hand we've got that learning curve to deal with…

Did you ever learn to ski?

Did you start on the baby slope?  Doing that truly dumb snow plough?

Graceful?  Not even close!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

CONVERSATIONS WITH BULLYS - INNER AND OUTER

You:  "Okay.  So I am not perfect, but I am in there trying."

Bully:  "Trying is lying!"

You:  "Get off my back you fanatic whip wielder!

Bully:  "I am only trying to help you."

You:  "Seriously?  Are you nuts?  Do you think whacking me with your constant demands for perfection is helpful?

Bully:  "Well…"