SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - KNEE JERK ALERT

Remember that expression 'knee-jerk reaction'?

When we create mandates - all those 'shoulds' - we often trigger that type of reaction.

There ae verbal triggers:  

you should, you have to, now, or else.

And non-verbal cues: time limits and drop dead dates.

We often unconsciously perceived all of these as unrealistic demands - and we respond with a resounding 'NO'!

Our 'no' can take two forms: we can rebel (it's not fair, you can't make me, don't push)

or

We can switch to our victim voice (I can't, it's too hard, I am suffering).

The interesting thing to realize is that both responses are attempts to push back what we are experiencing (realistic or not) as unhealthy demands.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think of the last time you were in this position: reacting in opposition to an internal or external demand.

Can you imagine hearing that demanding voice now?

Try exaggerating it.

Visualize the demanding presence.  Give it a face (mean?) a color (red?)

Now become that voice.

Really get into it…

Now switch to the responder.

First play this part as a Rebel - again exaggerate and really get into it.

Now respond as the poor Victim.

What happens as you play this out?

THE WEIGHT LOSS CHA CHA

"What's wrong with me?" she asked in a truly pathetic voice.

"Every time I tell myself I am going to lose weight," she continued, "I gain it!"

"The minute the thought of a diet crosses my mind I start to CRAVE food!"

"Am I perverted, or what?!"

What do ya say?

Ever happen to you?

Know why?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GO ASK ALICE

We expect stability.

Oh, we know babies change.

And toddlers.

And teenagers.

And old people…

But that big gap between age 21 and whatever we see as old?

Okay, minor changes…

HAH!

Life is change.

And flux.

And we really don't have any say in the matter, unless…

Well how long can you hold your breath?

ever hear this one?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

Make a list of what you expected your life to be.

What were these beliefs based on?

Bedtime stories?

Movies?

Parental beliefs?

Observation?

How 'locked down' were these expectations of yours?

What did you feel the first time life proved you wrong?

Now imagine you can slide back in time and hit some of the high and low points without those pre-set expectations.

How might the experience have felt different?

WHO ARE YOU?

Remember 'Alice in Wonderland'?

If you read it as a child it was probably kind of confusing, right?

As grown ups we hear bits of it quoted all the time…

And if we can let some of the underground meanings permeate, it's a wonderful story.

Alice questions her identity as she wanders through this strange and magical world she falls into…

watch it and smile

Hmmm…

Resonate a little?

Check it out:

"I've changed so many times since this morning…"

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night?"

And remember who all the others she meets think she is?

Hmmm, again.

What do ya say?

Does any of this sound familiar?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHY PUSH-BACK WORKS

When negative energy comes at us it can have an impact - even if the attack is 'only' verbal…

In fiction - think Star Wars - we are use to the idea of a force field that creates a shield and repels harmful attacks.

Studies have tracked the brain's ability to recognize the immediate space around our bodies - peri-personal space - and how we react to assaults on that space.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/force-field-brain_us_57768871e4b0a629c1a9b2c4

It is not a big leap to recognize that our emotional space also needs protection.

We can create our own personal force fields and protect ourselves in many ways - we can try to avoid intrusions of negative energy - physical, verbal or emotional - and we can also use 'push-back' to act as a personal system barrier.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

PRACTICING PUSH-BACK

Think about times you felt attacked by someone else's response to you. 

What did you do and how did you feel?

Would saying something directly have been counterproductive?

If so, imagine using T'nC (tongue in cheek) push-back.  Remember this is the 'killing them with kindness' approach…

Can you visualize the scene?  You saying something super, over- the-top, sweet?

What happens?

Does it make you laugh?  Are you breathing easier?  Feeling more in balance?

TONGUE 'N CHEEK

So, there's push back and then there's T'nC pushback - the old 'kill them with kindness' variety.

Here's a perfect example…

Jury duty:  

The officer in charge of the jury pool was harsh and rude!  A typical bully, warning all perspective jurors of dire consequences if they so much as stepped into the bathroom at the wrong time!  

Yikes!

Instead of finishing the day feeling abused by the constantly scolding voice, one of the 'poolies' walked up to that abusive official and thanked him profusely for his service, kindness and courtesy. 

The officer's confusion, surprise and stuttered 'thank you' made all of us feel waaay better…

What do ya say?

Ever try this one?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TUG OF WAR

Somehow there never seems to be enough to go around…

We say there can only be one winner, one star, one best.

What a difficult situation this creates!

I want credit - but so do you.

And I'm afraid if I give you acknowledgment then there will be none left for me.

This belief system is one of scarcity.

How does it get started?

Can it change?  How?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about times you wanted credit - to be recognized as important.

How often do you get the acknowledgment you want?

How often do you see someone else get the 'goodies'?

How do you react?

How do you feel?