SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LET IT GO!

In a strange way we've come to glorify stress - it means we are highly productive, right?

We push ourselves to achieve and feel embarrassed about 'low performance'. 

Until the doctor starts talking about blood pressure medication!

Ever hear those ads that claim everybody is on meds?  Ever wonder if this makes any sense?

If you observe other animals - especially those who have not been over 'civilized', it's pretty amazing to watch their rhythms of action and rest.

Each of us needs to find our healthy rhythm.  It's in us.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

REMOVING OBSTACLES TO BALANCE

STRESS CREATION: THE INTERNAL STEPS

(Beliefs we learn, internalize, and play out in our heads)

Step one: Our BULLY voice

'You are not doing enough!  Other people do better!  Try harder!'

Step 2: Our VICTIM response

'It is too stressful…I can't … I'm worthless.. . I feel terrible'

Step 3: Our reactive REBEL

"I'll show you!  I won't do anything!  You can't make me!"

CHA CHA CHA  TWIST AND TURN  REPEAT...

AARG!

Now take a deep breath and think about releasing yourself from this churning - What do you imagine you might feel?

  

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - KNEE JERK ALERT

Remember that expression 'knee-jerk reaction'?

When we create mandates - all those 'shoulds' - we often trigger that type of reaction.

There ae verbal triggers:  

you should, you have to, now, or else.

And non-verbal cues: time limits and drop dead dates.

We often unconsciously perceived all of these as unrealistic demands - and we respond with a resounding 'NO'!

Our 'no' can take two forms: we can rebel (it's not fair, you can't make me, don't push)

or

We can switch to our victim voice (I can't, it's too hard, I am suffering).

The interesting thing to realize is that both responses are attempts to push back what we are experiencing (realistic or not) as unhealthy demands.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think of the last time you were in this position: reacting in opposition to an internal or external demand.

Can you imagine hearing that demanding voice now?

Try exaggerating it.

Visualize the demanding presence.  Give it a face (mean?) a color (red?)

Now become that voice.

Really get into it…

Now switch to the responder.

First play this part as a Rebel - again exaggerate and really get into it.

Now respond as the poor Victim.

What happens as you play this out?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Think about how people generally react to unsolicited advice.  If you want to provoke anger, it's the way to go!

It's also almost always guaranteed to produce the opposite of the supposedly intended result…

Remember that dog training gem?  If you say, 'Don't run!' - Your dog hears 'run!'.  If you say, 'Don't sit!' - Yep, the dog sits!

Is it because your dog is ornery?  Or might it be because the brains of dogs - and people - do not react well to negations…

So, 'Don't eat sweets!' sounds like…

You get it, right?

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT THE LAST TIME UN-ASKED FOR ADVICE WAS USEFUL…

Did it trigger compliance and success or…

Anger in the form of Victim (I can't, it's too hard, I'm too lazy…)

Or…

Rebel (You think you can tell me what to do?  Hah!)

Remember both of these responses are re-actions to someone stepping over your boundaries.  In either case you are letting them run the show!

Think about a healthy, non-reactive way to handle boundary over-runs.

Make a list of some possible push backs.

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

The concept of planning for the future – another way of looking at resolutions – is great.  The problems arise when we set expectations unrealistically and then get angry with ourselves for not living up to the plan! 

A great example is that number 1 on many lists:  lose weight -  a gigantic (opps! sorry) task with so many moving parts, emotional and physical, including breaking old - sometimes life long – habits!   And we blithely put it at the top of our list – and that’s only one item!

Let’s face it, if it was a easy as putting it on a list … it wouldn’t be there in the first place!  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Here’s how the “Resolution Tango” goes:

Bully Voice:  “You have to…”
almost immediately reaction sets in and we trigger the:

Victim Voice:  “Oh, my God!  I can’t…”
which of course gets our next voice in high gear…

Rebel Voice:  “Up yours!  So, you don’t think I’m good enough as I am, huh?  Watch this!  Where did you hide those potato chips?  I WILL FIND THEM!”

Tell me you haven’t done this dance before?  Cha cha cha…

So, how do we change it?

1)      Take ownership:  “Yup, been there, done that, won the trophy!”

2)     Identify your own personal Bully, Victim and Rebel.

What does your Bully look like?  Sound like?  Can you imitate your Bully’s voice and exaggerate it?

How about your poor, suffering, incompetent Victim voice?  No offence – we all have one!

And your Rebel?  Even though this part of you might be undercover, it definitely did not disappear at age 17…

In reality we tie up a lot of our emotional energy in the tango between these three parts of ourselves.  The more overt you can make these interactions, the more you can laugh at them, the more powerful your forward momentum becomes.

If you think of these internal voices as three kids pulling in different directions you get an idea of how this dance hinders movement.  If you get them talking to each other – working together – WOW!

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