SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GO ASK ALICE

We expect stability.

Oh, we know babies change.

And toddlers.

And teenagers.

And old people…

But that big gap between age 21 and whatever we see as old?

Okay, minor changes…

HAH!

Life is change.

And flux.

And we really don't have any say in the matter, unless…

Well how long can you hold your breath?

ever hear this one?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

Make a list of what you expected your life to be.

What were these beliefs based on?

Bedtime stories?

Movies?

Parental beliefs?

Observation?

How 'locked down' were these expectations of yours?

What did you feel the first time life proved you wrong?

Now imagine you can slide back in time and hit some of the high and low points without those pre-set expectations.

How might the experience have felt different?

WHO ARE YOU?

Remember 'Alice in Wonderland'?

If you read it as a child it was probably kind of confusing, right?

As grown ups we hear bits of it quoted all the time…

And if we can let some of the underground meanings permeate, it's a wonderful story.

Alice questions her identity as she wanders through this strange and magical world she falls into…

watch it and smile

Hmmm…

Resonate a little?

Check it out:

"I've changed so many times since this morning…"

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night?"

And remember who all the others she meets think she is?

Hmmm, again.

What do ya say?

Does any of this sound familiar?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHY PUSH-BACK WORKS

When negative energy comes at us it can have an impact - even if the attack is 'only' verbal…

In fiction - think Star Wars - we are use to the idea of a force field that creates a shield and repels harmful attacks.

Studies have tracked the brain's ability to recognize the immediate space around our bodies - peri-personal space - and how we react to assaults on that space.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/force-field-brain_us_57768871e4b0a629c1a9b2c4

It is not a big leap to recognize that our emotional space also needs protection.

We can create our own personal force fields and protect ourselves in many ways - we can try to avoid intrusions of negative energy - physical, verbal or emotional - and we can also use 'push-back' to act as a personal system barrier.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

PRACTICING PUSH-BACK

Think about times you felt attacked by someone else's response to you. 

What did you do and how did you feel?

Would saying something directly have been counterproductive?

If so, imagine using T'nC (tongue in cheek) push-back.  Remember this is the 'killing them with kindness' approach…

Can you visualize the scene?  You saying something super, over- the-top, sweet?

What happens?

Does it make you laugh?  Are you breathing easier?  Feeling more in balance?

TONGUE 'N CHEEK

So, there's push back and then there's T'nC pushback - the old 'kill them with kindness' variety.

Here's a perfect example…

Jury duty:  

The officer in charge of the jury pool was harsh and rude!  A typical bully, warning all perspective jurors of dire consequences if they so much as stepped into the bathroom at the wrong time!  

Yikes!

Instead of finishing the day feeling abused by the constantly scolding voice, one of the 'poolies' walked up to that abusive official and thanked him profusely for his service, kindness and courtesy. 

The officer's confusion, surprise and stuttered 'thank you' made all of us feel waaay better…

What do ya say?

Ever try this one?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TUG OF WAR

Somehow there never seems to be enough to go around…

We say there can only be one winner, one star, one best.

What a difficult situation this creates!

I want credit - but so do you.

And I'm afraid if I give you acknowledgment then there will be none left for me.

This belief system is one of scarcity.

How does it get started?

Can it change?  How?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about times you wanted credit - to be recognized as important.

How often do you get the acknowledgment you want?

How often do you see someone else get the 'goodies'?

How do you react?

How do you feel?

SAY THANK YOU!

Acknowledgment

Recognition

Appreciation

And…

Competition

Huh?

How does that last one fit in with the first three?

What do ya say?

Do you get the connection?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GOLD DIGGING, continued...

When we look for the 'lesson', 'gift', 'take away' from a tough situation we are not, repeat, NOT, looking at fault or punishment.

This is not about negatives!

Just the opposite.

We are looking for opportunities to evolve, get stronger, wiser and ultimately happier. 

This is a crucial concept!  

If we go negative, we might as well throw away the experience and see it as wasted time.  If we look at everything as bringing something potentially valuable to us we never waste time!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

TO DIG FOR GOLD…

Ask yourself what seemingly negative interactions or events keep happening in your life.

Now ask yourself how you traditionally react to them.

Is 'why me?' a typical response?

Do you feel punished?

Do these events lower your self esteem?

Do they make you feel alone?

Now image that one of those magical genies has popped out of a bottle and brought these same events into your life saying: "This is a gift.  If you look at this from a totally different angle you will get a tremendous reward!"

Before you roll your eyes and think this is total 'you-know-what', actually allow your creative imagination to take over and try it…

What do you find?

LOOKING FOR THE GOLD

Remember that old saying ' The universe only gives us as much as we can handle'? 

And remember thinking: 'Yeah, right!  What a load…'

Well, maybe, just maybe there is another way to spin this one.

What if there was a learning for us in those seemingly repetitive loads that come our way?

What if there actually was a great take-away, you know, something we could learn that might make our lives richer - and even perhaps - easier, going forward?

What if, instead of feeling burdened by the 'unfairness' of those experiences we could come away with a plus?

What do ya say?

Can you get behind this one?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SATISFACTION

When we start obsessing about what comes next before we get there, we lose the moment.

What does this really mean?

Our senses - taste, touch, sight, smell, hearing - get jammed.

Instead of feeling we are plotting future moves and our brains, while certainly very elastic and expansive, are pulled in two directions - present and future - and tend not to interpret either to its fullest.   

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

SLOW IT DOWN!

Try making a pact with yourself about staying in the moment.

Stay focused on what you are doing NOW.

          When you are eating...

          When you are exercising...

          When you are talking to someone...

          When you are reading, doing chores…

Check it out.

How does this change things?

IN THE MOMENT… WHAT?

"So, I was eating," he said.

"It was really good and I started thinking about going for seconds…"

"Uh, no," he responded to my question, "I hadn't finished my first serving yet…"

Whoa!

What do ya say?

Is this a great tale about not staying in the moment, or what!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CREATING LIGHT

In times of darkness find something that you can score as a success - small counts!

Root a plant

Make bread

Add 3 minutes of exercise

Will any of this change the planet?

Who knows?

Remember that thing about one spark igniting many, and the movement of one atom ping-ponging against another and causing all sorts of chain reactions?

No matter what, if you get your internal Bully off your back and applaud your baby steps, you're guaranteed to feel better and then who knows…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

PRACTICE CREATING LIGHT

How?

If something isn't working… leave it and do something else…and then applaud!

HANG IN THERE!

                                                                                                                                       CHECK IT OUT

Remember this one?

It seems it was actually first avowed in the 1700's!  Does that tell you something or what?

We humans struggle with darkness and need reminders to hang in there and hold onto the belief that light will come…

This Spring is a particularly hard one - lots of darkness - the weather, the political struggles…

The coming festivals of Spring emphasize hope and rebirth - the virtue of hanging in there.

What do ya say?

How do you hold onto your belief in the light when it's dark?