SERIOUSLY SPEAKING
We tend to hold onto those old slights and resentments as if they were precious gems instead of the heavy load of unfinished business they actually are.
We claim that whoever offended us shouldn’t get off scot free – but when you think about it, the one not getting off is us!
Sometimes we are afraid that if we “let go” we will forget to protect ourselves in the future.
The alternative is to see people and situations realistically and have a good idea of what to expect and how to take care of ourselves.
Remember: We are not talking about not feeling anger – that’s natural to our species – what we are talking about is allowing ourselves to resolve it and let it go…
DANCE WITH IT! EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...
Want to dump some old anger? Give this fantasy a try:
Imagine that you are carrying a back pack filled with large heavy rocks. Each of these heavy objects represents someone or something that you have been angry with.
Let yourself really feel the weight. How does this load affect your back? Your neck? Your shoulders? How about your breathing? Interestingly, these parts of our bodies are often affected by anger…
Now imagine taking out one of these heavy rocks. Does the weight on your back feel a little different?
Visualize what this piece of stone represents – maybe a particular person or an event?
Imagine you can destroy it – crush it with a sledgehammer, throw it into the ocean?
Or maybe you could transform it into something totally different and outside of yourself? A stone wall? A piece of sculpture?
Keep emptying your back pack until nothing remains.
Now we all know that this is an imaginary experiment – BUT – it does remind us that we are backpacking years worth of old rocks – AND THAT WE DO HAVE THE ABILITY TO EMPTY THAT LOAD!
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I think that is so true. I know I hold on to these resentments, these hurts like they are precious. I tend to hold them, even shape them into different forms, reliving the damage they caused me, until I achieve some sort of dark victory over them. This provides some short term comfort, but the hurt never goes away, they just become more a part of me. I know this isn't healthy, but I do it, anyway. I suppose because sometimes I feel so alone that these hurts are my most immediate companions. If I look at things in the clear light of day, I know this is hurting me and I need to be strong enough to be without these hurtful crutches. Thanks do much for your blog. The image of the bag of rocks injuring my body is really true. Here's to standing alone as a good person. Because, with friends like these hurts, who needs enemies?
ReplyDeleteJT