DETACH? WITH COMPASSION? WHAT?

We were talking about ways to deal with difficult people…

"So," he demanded, "what is this thing about 'compassion'?  Does it mean accepting rotten behavior and smiling and saying its okay?"

"'Cause if that's what you're talking about," he continued vehemently, "count me out!"

Well, okay, what are we talking about?

What does it really mean to consciously and intentionally detach with compassion?

We are talking about a way of paying attention and observing that allows you to step back, catch your breath, and observe the world and people around you.

Do you like that person you're watching?

Do you want to be intimate, open, close friends? 

Do you have to fight them?

Engage with them emotionally?

No.

Compassion allows you to see them for who they are, not just an extension of your reality - even if it's a parent or sibling!

What do ya say?

Can you see how this might make your life easier and less painful?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TELL IT LIKE IT IS!

We seem to be most 'at home' with those we can label as members of our 'tribe'... 

This means they have similar characteristics - background, age group and so on.  This probably served a survival function in our early human days…these were the folks least likely to cook us for dinner…

We appear to have held onto the need to see those we associate with as similar to ourselves - no matter what the evidence indicates.

So, isn't it nice to think everyone is just like you? 

Well, no - not nice to them or to you! 

As counter-intuitive as it may sometimes seem, seeing people for who they really are is actually a kindness. 

None of us likes feeling that we are disappointing others - and no one likes being disillusioned, but when we don't see others clearly we are constantly disappointed with the outcomes of our interactions. 

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun

ideas...

TRAINING YOUR INNER EYE TO PERCEIVE DIFFERENCES

If we assume that everyone is coming from the same  - values, needs, personality, history - we are doomed to misunderstand their behavior! 

Check out the following 4 steps to help your inner eye perceive differences:

LISTEN to their words and stories.  What are they telling you?  What are the underlying messages about who they are?

WATCH how they interact with others.  Don't 'excuse' (ie. 'erase') behavior that is different than yours.

REGISTER the impact of their actions on others.  What is this telling you?

COMPARE with honesty their values with yours.