What compels us to make promises we can't
keep?
Most of us have had at least an
episode or two of over committing, knowing as we say 'yes' that we are
promising something that we will not be able to do.
There are many possible reasons to explain this
behavior that in some of us is more than occasional.
Often we over commit when we are angry - saying
yes in these situations is a passive aggressive way of responding, since we are
setting up the recipient for disappointment.
Sometimes we act this way because we are afraid
of the judgment of others if we say no.
And sometimes it is our own judgment that
compels us - the internal voice that tells us that we are inadequate. By over committing we can feel larger than
life - powerful and dominant.
And in some of us, there is also that gambler's
rush that comes with 'putting one over' on the other guy, along with the
excitement of hoping that the deck of cards we construct might not actually
topple…
DANCE WITH IT! EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to
experiment with some fun
ideas...
Ever find yourself promising things you know
you can't possibly do?
What do you
think motivates you?
If I say no I'll look bad.
They'll be angry at me.
I'll look poor - like a loser
If I say yes I'll feel powerful.
People will be impressed.
I'm in charge, running the show.
No one can criticize me.
I get a rush out of doing this.
Who do you
think you learned this behavior from?
A parent?
A teacher?
A friend?
A boss?
How do you feel
when you are on the receiving end?
I feel hurt.
I feel angry.
I feel betrayed.
What usually
happens when you 'get caught'?
I get angry.
I feel depressed.
I spend a lot of time figuring out how
to recover and cover up.
I lie.
Now as an experiment imagine the last time
you 'over-committed'. Run the story of
what actually happened through your mind - the promise and the results. Pay particular attention to the
consequences. Was the clean up worth the
deed?
What do ya say?
We'd love to
hear your experiences on either side of this one.
To explore any of these topics you can type a key
word into the search field on upper left of the Blog and to comment just click
on the word 'comments' below.
