How do we learn to deal with not getting
exactly what we want from others by threatening to 'take our toys and go
home'? Remember that one from childhood?
The underlying message of emotional
blackmail - if you don't do what I want I will leave - seems to be effective
because it taps into our fears about being abandoned.
It is interesting to think about the
difference between setting healthy boundaries and using emotional blackmail to
get what you want.
DANCE WITH IT! EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An
opportunity to experiment with some fun
ideas...
BOUNDARIES VRS BLACKMAIL
To illustrate the difference between these two think about the following:
A personal Boundary means
"this is where I stop and you begin".
It is the line in the sand that says "if you step over this point you
are encroaching into my emotional and personal space."
Emotional Blackmail means
"I intend to step over your line in the sand to get what I want."
How do you know where your own boundaries are? Remember, we have both physical and emotional
boundaries.
Think about how you feel when someone is
standing too close to you?
How about when they are talking too loud
for you?
How about when their demands for
attention and air space feel too intense?
All of these are related to personal boundaries.
*Some people are tuned in and can feel and honor these boundaries in
others.
*Other people are totally unaware of when they are intruding.
*And others still - the emotional blackmailers - are aware of their
trespass and feel that their needs and demands entitle them to encroach and
stomp over those boundaries!
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