SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - YES OR NO?

Why is saying 'no' so challenging?

Think about it.

Life is easier for parents and teachers when kids are compliant and say 'yes'.

Pretty understandable.

Children hear 'be nice' on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, nice and compliant don't always make sense when we're all grown up…

So, we learn to say 'yes' and seem accommodating - that good old 'go along to get along' behavior.

But…

There are times we really don't want to go along.

So…

We've developed this pattern of pretending to agree but actually throwing a spanner into the works. 

It's our way of saying: "You can't make me do what I don't want to!" 

and, even better... 

"You can't really hold me accountable!"

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

BE CONSCIOUS!

Tune into your own passive aggressive behavior.

Make a mental list of the times you say 'yes' when you really want to say 'no'.

What usually happens?

Interesting, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - IT IS WHAT IT IS!

On the one hand we don't want to be rigid and deny the possibility of change…

But

Observing the same behavior again and again and expecting a different outcome doesn't make sense either!

There are enough warnings about this type of thinking in our folktales - (remember the Three Little Pigs and the Grasshopper and the Ants and even those Three Monkeys) - to highlight this common flaw in our cognitive processing.

Perhaps our desire to see what we want, supersedes our ability to see the obvious?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

SAVING EMOTIONAL WEAR AND TEAR…

Think about the times you said: 

'I can't believe' talking about something that had happened many times before… 

How about all those times you found yourself outraged by behavior that really was totally predictable?

How do you think you would feel and react if you allowed yourself to expect that predictable behavior?

Would it make life easier for you? 

THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT…

"Every time I go to dinner with them I come away depressed… but I just knew," she insisted," this time it would be different."

Uh huh…

Ever hear this one:

'If you invite an elephant trainer into your house you have to expect elephant shi_'

It's about awareness, predictability and taking care of yourself, right?

What do ya say?

Do you allow yourself to see it like it is?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - RECOGNIZING RABID BEHAVIOR - IN HUMANS!

We used to be able to identify 'crazy' easily - the people in strange  clothes walking down the street talking to themselves…

Right.  Today that would just about cover everyone…

Maybe clinically ' crazy' isn't an issue for most of us anyhow?

Maybe what we need to improve our awareness detectors for is something closer to 'toxic personality' behavior…

Think about it.  

How many times have you noticed someone acting out - with others - and instead of taking this is a warning sign, found yourself making excuses - as long as it wasn't aimed at you!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THIS ONE IS REALLY IMPORTANT!

Think back to the people who have 'dissed' you or caused you harm.

Now ask yourself if you ever saw them doing this same behavior to someone else - before you became the target?

Next, think about the people in your life now.  How are they treating others?

What do you think this might say about what could be coming your way?

Remember:  this is all about taking care of yourself.  

It doesn't mean you have to walk away from someone.  

It does mean you need to be prepared when IT is sent your way!