PROMISES, PROMISES…

Think about some of the places you might feel stuck in your life…

You know, those 'I can't', 'I never', 'That's not possible for me', places.

Now ask yourself how long you have actually believed those things.

Forever?

Are they really truths about you?

Or is it possible that they might just be vows, pacts or promises you made to yourself or to someone else, perhaps a long time ago… especially during those tumultuous teenage years…

It might have sounded like just a thought, one of those

"I'll never be able to…"

"I'll never have…"

"I'll never be…"

Or an unspoken commitment to a friend or family member

          

         "Don't worry you'll always be the…"

What do ya say?

Find any of these hidden vows in your own past?

Still want to keep them?

         

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - PROBLEM SOLVING 104

You know what they say about craziness? 

To paraphrase:  

It's continuing on the same path and expecting to end up someplace else! 

Want a different result?

Change your approach!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

GOING IN CIRCLES?  TRAPPED ON THAT HAMPSTER WHEEL?

Get ready for another round of….

Your Detective Chronicles

(Remember in this role you must be non-judgmental!  Just the facts folks…)

Drop the 'shoulds'!  They are lethal when it comes to problem solving.  Instead investigate!

First, think of a situation that is not working for you…

Describe your current M.O. - the steps you currently take to solve the problem.

Yes, you are taking steps even if you are not aware of what they are, so take a moment to 'deconstruct' your pattern.

List what you currently do.

Now come up with some totally outrageous solutions.

This is that 'thinking outside the box' part.  Have fun with it!  The idea is to stretch and open up your thinking.

Now reel it in and create a new plan.

Put it to work.

Evaluate the results and give yourself applause and permission to keep shifting until you are totally satisfied.

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GOING IN CIRCLES?

"I keep trying to catch up with myself!  I work at it, you know, paperwork, returning calls, organizing, cleaning!  And that's only the basics!" 

She sounded pretty frantic and as I listened I was getting out of breath!

Any of this sound familiar?

She continued, sounding more and more desperate…

"It used to work, but now I feel like I'm on an endless loop treadmill!"  

"The faster I run the more behind I feel!" 

"Help!" she demanded. 

"What am I doing wrong?"

What do ya say?

Do you have a solution to this one?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ARE YOU IN THE CLIQUE?

Think about it… Are you holding onto that high school mentality?

You know:  Who's in, who is out, what's in, and what's out…

What do you think this 'gang' conformity does for us?

On the 'pro' side it certainly provides a sense of safety by creating very clear boundaries that simplify our lives.

On the 'con' side it creates those same boundaries that over simplify life and provide a false sense of security!

  

 DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

THE ZEN OF EXPANDING YOUR HORIZONS…

This one is a fun way to use your imagination…

Imagine that you are back in high school.

Were you part of the most popular group?

How did that feel?

If you were, imagine that you were the most popular person in the group.

How does that feel?

If you weren't part of that group, now imagine that you were.  Try on this new identity.

How does that feel?

Now imagine going to your high school reunion.  

In this scenario you are really looking forward to going.

See yourself walking into the room.  There is a hushed silence… All of a sudden you hear a clamor of voices… OMG they proclaim.  It's HER (HIM)! 

The most popular person in the class…

How does this feel?

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EXCUUUSE ME…

Can you remember a time when someone walking down the street waving their arms and talking to themselves was a sign to rapidly cross to the other side?

You know, danger alert!

Have you noticed how many of the 'tells' - those mutually agreed upon warning signs - have disappeared?

          Behavior?

  Clothing?

          Make up?

          Body adornment?

          Hair styles?

Even tone of voice…

Our cultural identifiers have been changing so rapidly that it's difficult to get a read ...

And actually, maybe that's a good thing…

What do ya say?

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OPPS!  WE GOOFED!  OUR LINK FOR MINIMEDITATIONS WAS DEEE-FECTIVE!

YIKES!  TRY THIS:

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - GUILT, BLAME AND THE MOVEMENT OF ATOMS…

Seeing a situation with clarity  - what is truly our input and what belongs to the other guy is what allows us to move forward and make changes that increase our satisfaction with life.

If we blame the other guy, we can't fix things.  We can move on, but most likely we move on to the same situation wearing a different face.

On the other hand, if we take all the blame, and especially if we chastise ourselves, once again, nothing changes!

As counter-intuitive as it might seem, criticism tends to block rather than aid, personal evolution!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

AN AWARENESS EXERCISE FOR RELATIONSHIPS ~

FOCUSING ON WHAT IS REAL AND WHAT IS IMAGINED:

Try this series of sentences when you are feeling stuck or confused about what is going on in a current relationship:

First check in with what you are aware of.

I am aware that __________this would include all the sensations you experience including visual and auditory.  

So you might say:  'I am aware that she is looking away when I talk to her.'

Or:  'I am aware that he is constantly looking at his cell phone.'

Next state how this awareness makes you feel: 

This might be: "I feel left out and angry.

The next step is what your awareness and the feeling connected to it make you imagine.

This might be:  'I imagine that I am not important to her.'

Next check in with your memory bank and pay attention to what past experiences might be influencing the present experience.

This might be: 'I remember when this happened with my last relationship.'

Or:  I remember when this happened with this same relationship before.'

And finally:

Ask yourself what you can learn about yourself from this situation!

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SHARING ATOMS AND INFLUENCES

"I haven't been as joyous as I used to be," the man sitting across from me was saying.

"I think she's been a bit of a negative anchor."

"But really," he continued, "it's about me, not her."

"I'm the one allowing this disturbance in the atmosphere…"

This clear sighted awareness is pretty classy, right?

What do ya say?

Do you get it?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MEET YOUR INNER DETECTIVE!

How much worse is a bad mood when you don't have a clue why you are feeling that way! 

We tend to feel more overwhelmed - the experience more pervasive and larger - when there seems to be no explanation for how we are feeling.

Isn't it different when you can say, "Oh, yeah, I get it!  I'm feeling this way because…" 

Knowing what's causing us to feel a certain way allows us to do something about it.

Our moods - light and dark - are usually very understandable once we start deconstructing the story.

  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

BECOMING YOUR OWN INNER DETECTIVE…

Here's an amazing way to turn a 'bad' day into a fun day… next time you wake up angry and down, think about a detective character you enjoy:

          Miss Marple?

          Poirot?

          Columbo?

          Sherlock Holmes?

          Nancy Drew?

more male detectives

more female detectives

Now imagine yourself in that role…

You are looking into the mystery of why you are feeling like you are today. 

This must be totally non-judgmental!  
Once you begin the 'shoulds' you are doomed.  
Instead investigate.  Make it fun by getting into the role of your detective.  

Imagine talking and walking like that character.   

"Hmmm," your detective might say, "Let us reconstruct what happened yesterday."   

Who did you interact with?

What did they say?

How did you feel?  

What did you do about your feeling?

Was it a win/lose situation?

Who won?

Now, once you get what it is that put you into your bad mood you are allowed to become the judge handing down a sentence. 

Remember you are a non-judgy judge! 

Think Solomon and come up with a good solution.  

This can be in the form of an imaginary dialog, a fantasy retribution, a release of anger through physical exertion, a real conversation with the other person…

Now, finally do some deep breathing and experience your balance returning as you release the tension!

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SNAIL SLIME?

Ever had one of those days when you wake up gunnin' for bear?

You know, ready to take a truly vicious bite out of the first person who crosses your path?

Of course you have!

You are human, right?

So, what do you think it is?

Phases of the moon?

Hormonal surges?

A bad dream?

Or maybe, just maybe something that happened yesterday or the day before and is sticking to you like snail slime?

What do ya say?

How do you deal with it?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT'S YOUR CHANGE-ABILITY?

Whether we want to accept the assignment or not, life is a series of changes.

Remember changing from Elementary School to Middle School (Junior High to some of us)?

How about the transition to High School?

College?

For some there's the excitement of the new start but others fear the unknown and what they may perceive as 'starting over'.

In reality each step in our lives, each change can be seen as a progression.

You can bring anything you've learned with you on the journey and leave behind some of the 'played out' junk that you no longer need!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

PRACTICE LETTING GO…

A nice mantra is "Allow!  Allow…"

Here's a fantasy to try:

Imagine some upcoming situations that you know require change:

          A new job

          A move

          A new relationship

          Letting go of an old relationship

          Even things like changing your eating or exercise patterns…

Now imagine that you are in a room with a beautiful door at the end of a hallway.

Breathe deeply as you look at the door.

Now imagine walking towards the door…

Continue breathing deeply…

Now catalog what you are feeling:

          Excitement?

          Fear?

      Dread?

      Anticipation?

Say to yourself:

"Allow… allow…"

Continue breathing deeply and notice what happens…

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