COUNTING THEM

WINTER.

Cold, rainy day…

Ugh.

Waaah   Waaah   Waaah

But

I haven't seen any mosquitos…

Or Boa constrictors…

Or alligators…

What do ya say?

You get it right?

Gotta count those little blessings

WHO ARE YOU?

Remember that great scene from Alice in Wonderland?

Check it out:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf5nCPFBSHw

So, who are you?

What is your self concept or self image?

Who taught you how to define yourself?

Does what you believe help you or harm you?

What do ya say?

Whose eyes do you see yourself through?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT'S FAIR?

We teach our children to be 'fair' - it seems like a good idea - connected to sharing and equality and all those positive concepts.

But

It turns truly toxic when we start to believe there is this measurement called 'fair' that dictates what we deserve…

And, of course, the true emotional blow comes when what actually happens in our lives doesn't seem 'fair'.

We measure our allotment - how many goodies do we get compared to 'X' and how many difficulties we suffer compared to 'Y'…

And if we are really into this concept it's almost always 'not fair'!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

THINK ABOUT IT:  HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYONE WHO REALLY THINKS WHAT THEY GET IS 'FAIR'?

CAN YOU UNDERSTAND HOW BUYING INTO THIS CONCEPT CREATES UNHAPPINESS?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU LET GO OF 'FAIR'?

SLOGGING THROUGH THE DOWN DAYS

We all have them - that's reality…

Those days when everything seems to be crashing down around us.

We can make them worse with those ubiquitous mantras:

    'Why me?'

    'It's not fair!'

    'Everything happens to me…'

    'So and so has it waaay easier than I do…'

Or we can make them better by taking a deep breath and maybe just hiding under the bed for awhile…

What do ya say?

You get it, right?

THE DARKNESS OF HATE

People who should know better are talking about degrees of hate crimes…

Really?

Hatred and its acting out are poisonous - no matter the degree.

As young humans we are often subjected to toxic beliefs and sometimes buy into them.  

But this does not have to contaminate our lives going forward.

Our job is to bring light to the insanity of these twisted ways of thinking and behaving and work to stamp them out!

What do ya say?

Are you on board with helping to heal our world?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

If you light a Menorah, or are privileged to witness the lighting, you realize that bringing light into the darkness of winter is a gift…

 We humans need light to survive.  

Whether it's the actual lighting of a candle or the symbolic bringing of light with a smile or a hug …

In the darkest of times we need to commemorate and celebrate this miracle.

What do ya say?

Can you relate?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WORKING THOSE COCKEYED DAYS

What did you do wrong?  It has to be your fault, right?

Maybe… but maybe not!

Sometimes it really isn't over to you.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try it's them… or it!

There's a reason mankind has, throughout time, reached for those externals - like the path of the stars or the tilt of the earths' axis - to explain things!

It's because nothing is as harsh - and actually as debilitating - as the whip of our own inner bullies!

When it all goes wrong it's important to shut down that inner bully voice.

Why?  Doesn't it help us keep on moving forward, getting things done?

NO!

On top of all the difficulties you may be dealing with, this harsh, critical voice is paralyzing and immobilizing!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HEALTHY EXIT STRATEGIES

When it all crashes down around you is the most crucial time to be kind to yourself!

Find a loving inner voice.  This one says:

'Hang in there!'

'We'll figure it out!'

Even that great one:

'One step at a time!'

If it's difficult for you to find this voice within yourself, think of someone whose compassion, kindness and intelligence you admire.  Now take on their persona and talk to yourself as if you were them.

What happens?

SIDEWAYS…

Ever have one of those days where it all goes sideways?

Appointments cancel at the last minute… once you get there!

You can't find your cell phone - til you realize you're talking on it!

Nothing and no one, shows up where they are supposed to?

No one answers their phone… but you get 5 calls from those evil telemarketers!

Not to mention the really bad things!  And of course it all gets to you…

What do ya say?

You know the list right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - CRASH LANDINGS

How many times in our lives is the 'runway too short' - but we persist in trying to come in for a landing anyway?

Instead of backing off and viewing the limitations of a situation (the runway) and making realistic plans, we often just keep trying.

There are many sayings in our cultures that applaud persistence:

'Fake it 'til you make it'

'Try, try again'

We've all heard them and probably been influenced by the hype!

Why 'hype'?

Because, for us, like the hawk in yesterday's post, taking a realistic scan and re-grouping can save our feathers!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about some of the times when you persisted unrealistically instead of stepping back and analyzing the situation, and either giving up or finding a new strategy.

Check out your interactions with others:

Do you say:  'If I just try hard enough, talk loud enough, they'll hear me and understand…

How about trying to reach diet, weight or exercise goals?

How often have you put yourself through the same plan, crashed, and then figured you just had to try harder?

NOW THINK ABOUT THE POTENTIAL FOR A NEW SCRIPT…

ABORTED LANDINGS…

I watched a red tail hawk try to come in for a landing on my terrace…

He was hungrily eye-balling my plump flock of doves…

This is his second sad attempt.

I have to admire his persistence but if the sucker crashes into the wall I am going to be so angry!

I hate the thought of all that beauty smushed!

Let's face it the runway is just too short.

What do ya say?  Can you relate?

KVELL, MUCH?

How many times today - yesterday - even the day before - did you pat yourself on the shoulder and say 'yea!'?

Okay, so the day wasn't perfect and there were a lot of things on that list of yours that didn't get crossed off…

And maybe all your interactions with other humans weren't exactly perfect…

It's really easy to pick it apart, isn't it?

But…

How many times did you smile at what you did manage?

What do ya say? You realize why this is important, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MAKING A CHOICE!

Let's face it, it's easier to say 'people don't like me because of who I am' (totally out of my hands), rather than saying, 'it's something I am doing that is causing this reaction', (in my hands).

Maybe I don't really care?

Maybe I am okay with the impact I am having?

Fine, but…

I need to call it like it is, acknowledging my choices and the repercussions they create…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about a few times recently when you felt like you were on the losing side of an interaction…

Now, for a moment, imagine that you do have power, and actually might be creating some of the reaction that you are getting.

Imagine that you just might be acting in a way that helps create this outcome and… that perhaps, just perhaps, the outcome is something you might have an investment in!

OUTGOING!

Ever think about the impact you have on others?

You know, how they react to you?

Ever wonder how much you confuse/conflate their responses with your output?

What do ya say?

How many times have you just assumed they don't like you because of who you are… and not because of how you act?

WHEN AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED…

Don't you just hate it when you work really hard to accomplish something - give it your all - and it goes sideways!?

So... what?

You try again, right?

Even harder!

And SPLAT! Nothing! 

Then you ask for help…

No dice there either!

What do ya say? You know what happens next, right?

YOU VOTED, RIGHT?
IT COUNTS!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHAT IF?

When things are really dark it is easy for us to feel discouraged and want to give up.

Part of the reason for this feeling of impotence is that we look at the big picture and feel helpless to tackle it.

What allows us to break the spell of helplessness is to play to our own strengths…

Are you a one-on-one person?

Help one person.

Are you a group person?

Join and work through a group.

Are you a writer?  An artist?  A singer of songs?  A teller of jokes?

Find your métier.  Go with your skill set.

Let your contribution be small.  It's okay as long as you feel it and do it!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Where did you get the idea that unless it's big and dramatic it doesn't count?

Think about who gave you these messages?

Now imagine talking to them and informing them they were wrong!

WHAT CAN I DO?

These days this is a constant refrain … right after "I am so stressed!" 

And

"I feel so helpless."

In Judaism there is a strong belief in the obligation we each have to help in the process of Tikkun Olam, or healing the world.

What can you do?

Perhaps you can make one person feel better today?

What do ya say?

You understand the concept, right?

Even one act of kindness helps to heal ourselves and our world.

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - YES OR NO?

Why is saying 'no' so challenging?

Think about it.

Life is easier for parents and teachers when kids are compliant and say 'yes'.

Pretty understandable.

Children hear 'be nice' on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, nice and compliant don't always make sense when we're all grown up…

So, we learn to say 'yes' and seem accommodating - that good old 'go along to get along' behavior.

But…

There are times we really don't want to go along.

So…

We've developed this pattern of pretending to agree but actually throwing a spanner into the works. 

It's our way of saying: "You can't make me do what I don't want to!" 

and, even better... 

"You can't really hold me accountable!"

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

BE CONSCIOUS!

Tune into your own passive aggressive behavior.

Make a mental list of the times you say 'yes' when you really want to say 'no'.

What usually happens?

Interesting, right?

EXCUSES…EXCUSES

Saying yes when you mean no… and doing 'no'.

Showing up late because… you didn't want to be there in the first place.

Forgetting birthdays because you resent the assumption that you shouldn't…

What do ya say?

Sound familiar?

Know what it's called?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DETERMINED…OR…

There is a big difference between persistence and obstinacy.

Persistence is connected to forward momentum and can have an element of flexibility.

Obstinacy is blocked energy.

If you feel like you are knocking your head against a wall, that's obstinacy.

Determination is about keeping a goal in sight - aiming for a result - but having the ability to review and change the method as needed!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

ARE YOU DETERMINED…OR OBSTINATE?

Think about some of your goals, especially the ones that you find challenging. 

How do you go about trying to achieve your objective?

Do you keep doing the same things and feel discouraged when you don't accomplish that goal?

Do you fault yourself for the lack of success?

Do you fault others?

Get angry?