CHA CHA CHA

(to the tune of Sam Cooke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87dEJ0IV-90)

Burnt out?  Tired of trying?

Instead of giving up…

Curve Baby!

Try something different… If you can't walk - dance!

Learn it!

Burn it!

Go for it!

What do ya say?  You get it, right?

Can you sing it?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - YOUR TURN?

You are not that special!

What!?

It's as if we believe that magically if we are good enough, smart enough, helpful enough… we can actually control other people's behavior.

Sounds whacky, doesn't it?

Where does this magical thinking come from?

Check it out:  

Remember all those childhood times when you were suffering from someone's nastiness and your parents reinforced this crazy-making thinking with those toxic words:

"Well, what did you do?"

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

BOOST YOUR IMMUNITY

Reinforce your healthy emotional immune system with this mantra:

"It's not about me!  No matter how nice, smart, helpful, beautiful, kind I am…

I can't control someone else's behavior!"

THINK YOU'RE IMMUNE?

"Well," he was recounting his tale of disappointment and woe.

"I thought we were friends… I was always there for her.  It's true I saw her do nasties to other people, but I sort of ignored it.  

I figured somehow they deserved it…"

"Boy was I wrong!  

One day, some minor thing I did disappointed her and WHAM! 

There I was on the receiving end!"

What do ya say?

You do realize that if they do it to them, sooner or later…

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WASTIN' TIME…

(To the tune of Otis Redding's 'Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay')

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTVjnBo96Ug

Our wonderful brains can process even the most random bits of data for storage and retrieval! 

We grow up being admonished not to waste time with things of no consequence… but who is making that judgment?

When asked how he came up with the Theory of Relativity, Einstein explained how he was daydreaming, staring out the window…  

Can you imagine if some well meaning person yelled at him to stop wasting time!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Make a list of all your 'time wasters'.

Can you get to 10?

Now think about how these things might actually add value to your life.

ROCK 'N ROLL

I tripped and was headed for a serious face plant…

As I flew through the air I heard a voice instructing:

"Twist and Roll!"

Whoa!

"Where did that bone saving instruction come from?" I wondered as I lay there laughing, unwounded, on the ground.

Could it have been all those ninja movies I watched?

Or the many late night thriller books I devoured with those serious kick ass heroes?

Or maybe even that one Aikido demonstration I observed half a century ago?

What do ya say?  You get this, right?

Maybe, despite what anyone says, none of it is really worthless?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - COOL COMEBACKS

What creates that brain freeze that gets in the way of responding in the moment, especially to rude or ridiculous statements?

Could it be shock at the inappropriateness of what was just said?

Is it your inner computer locking up at the bizarre input?

And then, why can't we just let it drop, just shake our heads at the behavior of the 'doer' and move on?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Make a list of all the occasions you can think of when you wished you'd said something back.

Now make a list of all the great comebacks you could have said.

Imagine the faces of those people when you pushback.

Remember, this is just a fantasy, so enjoy!

Create a list of 'Slambacks'.  

How does it feel to be armed and ready? 

Enjoy the creative process.

Imagine creating a board game called 'SLAM BACK'. 

What would it look like? 

What would the rules be?

ALL THE THINGS I NEVER SAID

I invited the new neighbors in for coffee.  Friendly gesture, right?

"Would you like espresso or cappuccino?" I asked.

"We are Italian," stated the wife with great emphasis.  "We would not dream of drinking cappuccino."

Oookaaay…

What do ya say?

Ever find yourself up late at night practicing all those comebacks and pushbacks…

You know, all the things you never said but wished you did?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING- TRY HARDER?

We are taught to keep trying harder and again and again…

"If you stay on course," we are promised, "eventually you'll get there."

The image we buy is of that poor guy pushing the rock up the hill - again and again…

It's an ethic of duration rather than creativity: 'use your muscle - keep pushing', we are exhorted, rather than 'use your brain and be creative'.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

PRESTO CHANGO

Practice Creativity!

Remember that Queen in Alice in Wonderland?  

You know, the one who said she often believed 6 impossible things before breakfast - and highly recommended the strategy to Alice. 

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9467-alice-laughed-there-s-no-use-trying-she-said-one-can-t

A fun experiment to try for a few days!  What happens? 

RE-ROUTE

You know that annoying voice from your cars GPS:

'Rerouting…'

Annoying but often incredibly effective.

Sometimes, it's tempting to bypass that advice.

"I know this route," you proclaim.  "I've done it a thousand times before…"

Yup.

And how does that work out for you?

What do ya say?

You get the metaphor, right?

(To be continued tomorrow…)

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - DEALING WITH MEANIES

What creates meanness?

Are some people just born that way? 

There are lots of theories about this from psychologists to social anthropologists.

We can certainly look at what people copy and learn from their environment growing up…

The real issue is - regardless of where this behavior comes from - taking responsibility in the present both as the meany and the receiver of mean!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH MEAN

1)  No excuses!  If you're doing it, own it!  It is not the other persons fault!

2)  If you are on the receiving end see it for what it is!  It doesn't matter why that person is acting that way - mean is not okay!

3)  As a 'doer' try to figure out what's going on with you.  Look for what you are angry about and find less corrosive ways of fixing it! 

4)  As a receiver, make a formula that you can live with about how others should treat you.  Some people find it difficult to see things with clarity, but maybe you can make a deal with yourself.  Perhaps something like:  3 strikes and they are out!

NOT NICE PEOPLE

They just don't seem to mind saying truly mean things!

Don't they know how it hurts the person they say it to?

Don't they care?

What do ya say?

You're not one of these folks, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - OWN IT

Got a touch of the compulsive about you?

Prone to hoard?

Want to control everything?

Bit of a know-it-all?

Problem with anger?

What happens when you try to deny and hide these things?  Do they get better?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

SAY IT OUTLOUD

Try owning your 'flaws' and see what happens…

Say it to yourself.

Say it to someone you trust.

Try this formula:  "Yeah, I'm______."

No, this is not a 12 Step Program.  

It's an opportunity to 'own' parts of who we are and in the process release some of the pent up energy and tightness that comes with suppression.

DARK AND DIFFICULT WAYS

Dark because they are the parts of us that we like to hide in those tucked away corners of ourselves.

Difficult because once we hide them, they mulch and fester and gain demonic proportions totally out of sync with reality…

What do ya say?

You know what I'm talking about, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SAY IT?

We humans are challenged when it comes to keeping our mouths both open and shut!

When is it right to speak out?

When is it correct to step back and let the other person go at their own pace and discover their own truth?

How do we set that boundary for ourselves?

Ask yourself what your own beliefs are about this:

With children?

With peers?

With family members?

And these days clearly with the political process?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

To help you find your own position about mouth open, mouth shut try the following dialog:

Imagine a conversation with two parts of yourself.  You can use your hands as 'puppets' to make it easy.

Part One:  "But, but, but…  Shouldn't I say something if I know better than they do?"

Part Two:  "Who says you know better?"

Part One:  "Well, what they are doing is clearly wrong so…"

Continue the dialog until you either start to laugh or get one of those great 'ah ha!' moments.

YOU SHOULD!

"I'm really angry!"

He was red in the face and belligerent as he continued.

"I told her what to do.  I mean, I said it nicely, and after all, it's for her own good!"

"There is something really wrong with her," he ranted on.

"She has not done a thing I told her to do!"

Did the person he was referring to work for him?

Nope.

It was his girlfriend.

Were the things he was telling her to do 'couples' things?

Nope.

He was instructing her on how she should change her life… and absolutely astounded that she did not see the wisdom of his decrees and jump to it!

What do ya say?

Ever been sure you know better than the other person about what they should do and bewildered when they don't follow your well intended advice?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - ACCEPT IT?

We know empirically that no one gets through life without those dark days.

Just look around you.

Why is it important to recognize this?

Because awareness of all the pieces of what makes us human and acceptance of this reality actually keeps us from getting stuck in any one emotional state!

Thinking you shouldn't feel the way you do in a particular moment in your life can create emotional paralysis.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

FEELING THE 'DOWNS' AND MOVING ON

Once you accept that the sour moments are part of the whole picture you can upgrade your strategies for moving on…

1.  Denial rarely works!  Own it, say it, feel it! 

You can do this out loud in private spaces, or out loud with a friend. 

 "Ugh! This is a really rotten day!"  Pay attention to your breathing.

2.  Create a rotten day dance, a rotten day song… Get into it. 

The idea is to release energy so that you can use that energy to problem solve.  Remember to keep breathing deeply!

3.  Use your imagination to create a wonderful rotten day scene…

Remember being a kid and imagining everyone sobbing around your grave… the idea here is to empower yourself!

4.  Check the status of your inner bully. 

Often those 'sour' days are fertile ground for bullying ourselves.  Exaggerate this mean voice to the point of laughter.  It really is ridiculous, right?

5.  Are you feeling like a Victim?

Our inner victim is an easy target for our anger, and directing this anger at ourselves can be truly immobilizing!  Again, exaggeration to the point of laughter is a great release!

6.  Rebel alert?

This is another position we sometimes take on those dark days … With awareness of what we are doing this one can actually be effective... if we limit its tenure…